…with a jetpack, that is.

The HotForWords lady, who has two degrees in philology, accepts reader submissions for a new word to describe Twittering under the influence.

It came by e-mail…

Better Star Wars parody than the average…

Apparently the Stormtrooper Family has been seeing a few too many Doofus Dad movies, and has bought into the tired ol’ trope of “Daddy doesn’t give two shits about us because he spends too much time working to keep us fed, clothed, medically insured and drowning in all the toys that capture our interest for five seconds at a time.” Of course, in the case of that big tall guy dressed in black, that might really be true. Most of the time it’s a crock.

Back to the subject at hand…”Binky” was kind enough to link us, a few times. Then because of his links we realized we screwed up one of our slugs. Lost track of our roman numeral titles. It happens. So we fixed that somewhat, thereby severing Binky’s link, we think. Tried to find Binky’s address to let him know of our screw-up, as a courtesy, since it’s our screw-up and his link that got screwed up because of our screw-up…but we can’t find an e-mail address for the guy. That makes us feel bad, so we’re going to link back to him as a consolation.

But also, we liked the Star Wars clip. It are teh funny. It makes fun of Star Wars, and Doofus Dad movies, both. We like both of those. Making fun of them, I mean.

At least, if you think you’ve been tending bar longer, to make a claim you’d have to ‘fess up to breakin’ the law…because this gentleman started as early as early gets.

Angelo Cammarata, whom the Guinness Book of World Records recognized as the world’s longest-serving bartender, is coming up on last call.

At least at Cammarata’s Cafe, the West View watering hole where he’s been pouring for most of his 77 years of tending bar.

The place, which he still helps his sons John and Frank run, has been sold, and the Cammaratas will be out of there within weeks when the new owners are approved by the state.
:
He laughs at the notion of other job offers; the owners of the new place, Danny’s, asked him to stay on. But he’s ready to finally actually retire, so he can take care of his wife, Marietta, at the Ross home where they moved a few years ago after decades of living above the bar.

“Closing after 77 years” read hand-lettered signs out front, offering customer-appreciation $1 drafts and $2 bottles right up to the day-long party that will end it all.

“Camm,” as people call him, started serving beer at his father’s North Side grocery the moment Prohibition ended at midnight on April 7, 1933…His immigrant father built a bar on that site in 1935 and Angelo kept working there, taking a break to serve in the Navy in World War II.

He’s 95, and from his picture looks about 75. Well played, Camm. Happy retirement to you.

Now that “Don’t Mention Megan Fox Day” is over, she of the dead eyes and glossy lips has an important message for us all. Use headphones if in mixed company…

Hat tip to Gerard.

All told, I’m up to a quarter-century now man-n-boy struggling to get machines to do what they’re supposed to be doing, and humans who work with the machines to do what they’re supposed to be doing. I’m really not sure which one is a tougher challenge. Perhaps it says something about my quirky personality that I’ve generally struggled less, and been far less confused far less often, with the machines.

And so out of these military jokes, I found these two to be the best ones…

One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language.

For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
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THE COLONEL TO THE EXECUTIVE:
At nine o’clock tomorrow there, will be an eclipse of the sun, something which does not occur every day. Get the men to fall out in the company street in their fatigues so that they will be able to see this rare phenomenon. Should it rain we will not be able to see anything, so take the men to the gym.

THE EXECUTIVE TO THE CAPTAIN:
By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at nine o’clock, there will be an eclipse of the Sun; if it rains, you will not be able to see it from the company street, so then, take the men in fatigues to the gym. The eclipse of the Sun will take place in the gym, something that does not occur every day.

THE CAPTAIN TO THE LIEUTENANT:
By order of the Colonel in fatigues tomorrow at nine o’clock in the morning the inauguration of the eclipse of the sun will take place in the gym. The Colonel will give the order if it should rain, something which occurs every day.

THE LIEUTENANT TO THE SERGEANT:
Tomorrow at nine o’clock the Colonel in fatigues will eclipse the Sun in the gym, as it occurs every day. If it is a nice day you will fall out in the company street.

THE SERGEANT TO THE CORPORAL: Tomorrow at nine the eclipse of the Colonel in fatigues will take place because of the Sun. If it rains in the gym, something which does not take place every day, you will fall out in the company street.

COMMENTS AMONG THE PRIVATES: Tomorrow, if it rains, it looks as if the Sun will eclipse the Colonel in the gym. It is a shame that this does not occur every day.

Hat tip: Theo Spark.

Hat tip: Washington Rebel.

Hat tip: Musket Balls.

Geekologie.

That’s it, maybe Mike Malloy was being sarcastic. I never thought of that. That makes perfect sense.

Some much more humorous entries about “If Sarcasm Ruled the World”…what you see below is Entry #6, which means someone thought some of the other entries were better. But I liked this one the best. I’ve always hated those signs.

Cracked.

It must be the theme at the Reuters Oddly Enough page…a train-suicide victim…

French police called off their search for a woman who threw herself in front of a speeding train when they found that she had dragged herself home and gone to bed, a court source told Reuters Wednesday.

The 58-year-old, who suffered from depression, jumped in front of the train Tuesday as it sped through the station at Herrlisheim near Strasbourg at around 150 km per hour, prompting the driver to alert the police.

…a caveman fugitive…

Portuguese police have recaptured a convict who had escaped in 1993 and had been hiding in the caves in the mountains for 16 years receiving help from villagers nearby, local media said on Thursday.

The 54-year-old former shepherd, thin and heavily bearded but healthy, was arrested on Wednesday in the north of the country in a police operation dubbed “Cro-Magnon” in reference to Europe’s early humans who lived in caves thousands of years ago, Diario de Noticias daily said.

He had been convicted and sentenced to a 10-year term for accidentally killing a neighbor in a discussion over a sheep flock, but escaped after about 2 years in prison.

…a dog…

A flea-bitten dog rescued from a squalid backyard is to be reunited with her owners 1,000 miles away — nine years after she disappeared.

The dog, Muffy, was found sleeping on a tattered piece of cardboard in a backyard in Melbourne with a bad skin condition and matted coat by the RSPCA after an anonymous call.

…a cell phone…

A mobile phone lost at sea for four days washed up in perfect condition in Taiwan after drifting 37 km (23 miles) and was discovered by a park lifeguard who tracked down the shocked owner to return it, the finder said on Friday.

Yu Hsin-leh of Taipei lost the phone on July 24 while snorkeling near the Taiwan port city of Keelung, Taiwan’s United Daily News reported.

On Monday, it turned up in Longdong Bay Park on the island’s northeasternmost cape after floating past numerous towns and rocky outcroppings.

A small water-resistant case had protected the phone at sea, said park lifeguard Lin Huan-chuan, who found it.

Huh. Maybe I shouldn’t worry so much when I haven’t seen this-or-that prized possession in awhile. It’ll come back again, maybe soon, maybe not. Perhaps with an interesting story to tell along with it.

Hat tip: Boortz.

GamesRadar.

I was surprised to see Nickelodeon Party Blast made the cut. There are some fun parts to that one. But the “main” game, where all the creatures are floating around zapping each other making their noises — I never did figure out what was going on there. Just an incomprehensible mess. If that’s why they put it in slot #10, I agree.

Phil’s comments about Ted Nugent got us to thinking about this video, since we have been a constant victim of the Mondegreen since, at least, Wild Cherry with “Play That Funky Music White Boy.”

Mondegreen. Yup, there’s really a word for that. And you probably thought you were the only one, huh?

Hat tip: Conservative Grapevine.

I, too, have often wondered about the reactions of the people actually living in the house.

In fact the one response I’d really expect to see, would be answering the door with a cell phone or cordless held up to the ear. Blah blah blah, oh, hey wait, hang on there’s some kind of a TV camera crew at my front door, isn’t that something? That would be realistic.

Anyway, yeah it’s choreographed. Quite obvious.

Aahhh…that’s a good one, Neal.