Archive for the ‘Glad I Learned About This’ Category

Schools Discriminate Unfairly Against Kids Who Don’t Give a Sh*t

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

Good ol’ Onion. It’s like watching a hammer meet the head of a nail, dead-on. Naughty language warning.


In The Know: Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don’t Give A Shit?

And, since it has to be stated…yes…it is parody. When I say it’s like a hammer pounding a nail, I am referring to the identification of a problem that is the subject of the parody. I have to put that in, because if everyone understood that then there’d be nothing to parody.

Cross-posted at Washington Rebel.

This Is Good LXXVI

Saturday, August 7th, 2010

This one, like many fine others, is from Gerard Van der Leun’s Tumblr account.

Miss that puppy, and you miss a lot.

Dave Allen on the Vagaries of the English Language

Sunday, August 1st, 2010

As the intro explains, this is an exercise in retaliation. It therefore contains some colorful colloquialisms not suitable for a mixed audience or for the workplace…

“‘Shit,’ in America, is used for everything else but what it means.” Classic.

And now, a justification for teleprompters:

Update: As long as we’re using the R-rated fucking language, here is something from Boortz’s reading assignments from Friday. For the pedants among us.

The ADD Song

Friday, July 9th, 2010

Swiped from my brother, over at the Hello Kitty of Bloggin’.

Cross-posted at Cassy’s place and at Right Wing News.

“‘he’ Is Always Lower-Case”

Sunday, June 27th, 2010

It’s just not fair that the atheists can’t have a song.

Until now…

Hat tip once again to Gerard.

“Nation’s Boyfriends Dreading ‘Free Event In The Park’ Season”

Friday, June 25th, 2010

The Onion:

With summer officially beginning this week, the nation’s boyfriends groaned Thursday in anticipation of yet another “Free Event in the Park” season. “Kelly already wants us to go see some Brazilian horn player and these people who use puppets to make fun of politicians. I’m sure they’re fine, but we just got AC this summer,” said Jason Evans, a boyfriend. “Plus, we go out all the time.” A spokesperson for the nation’s girlfriends countered that it would be a shame not to take advantage of the tons of cool-sounding cost-free events, which include a craft fair, an outdoor screening of The Wizard Of Oz, and the appearance of a modestly successful mid-90s alternative band at the Tulip Festival.

Five Most Annoying Commercials

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

Aahhh…that’s an itch that’s been waiting for a scratching for awhile.

Maybe it’s got something to do with the sensory deprivation, but the radio is chock full of spots I’d put above all five of these. My kid knows this about me: Once they do that thing with repeating the phone number, it’s getting switched off. Quick-draw-McGraw style. You can make it to the third lap with the eight-hundred but that’s as far as you get — click.

But of course, nothing in any medium comes close to the all-time champion:

Update: Should’ve taken the time to skim through the FARK thread. Farker unlikely came up with…

Yup. Fergot about that.

Animusic

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

Let’s Shift to the Right Brain

Friday, June 18th, 2010

…because the left brain is for figuring out puzzles, and everywhere we turn there’s puzzle pieces being brought to us by people we know damn good and well are lying to us.

I think Daphne’s got the right idea. She’s going with a techno version of Bach’s Fugue…which I can tolerate during the few seconds before it goes techno.

I see your Bach, and I raise you a Bruch. From an eight-year-old.

I’m gonna go get another beer.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. And it’s all small stuff. We-ell…not really…but you can’t do much about it tonight.

The Top Ten Women Men Should Avoid Dating

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

Wow, #5 really spoke to me.

The angry and bitter

Everything and everyone pisses her off. She is in a constant state of anger and impatience with the world and if [you] try to help her see past it, she will attack you.

All she wants to do is bitch and complain, and she rarely, if ever, sees the good in people or situations. If she’s this bitter and angry with the world, imagine how pissed off she’ll be with you the moment you forget to take the garbage out?

Take her out to a nice casual place for lunch, boys; someplace just nice enough to have a waiter who gets everything for you. Let her do all the talking and take note of how she treats him. There are some “ladies” out there who will make it a point of browbeating the poor bastard into gelatinous goo on the floor, and if he isn’t heaving a sigh of relief as the two of you walk out the door, she considers her job undone.

About face and run. Screaming. Arms flailing over head, into the night, never to be seen again.

smg45acp made a great point about a possible eleventh:

Heavily in debt.

If she is tens of thousands of dollars in debt, run, don’t walk away.
This will not stop after marriage.
You think you can help her and that she has learned her lesson.
Yes, she has learned a lesson. That lesson is spend money like crazy and stupid, dumb-ass you will bail her ass out.
This is often the sign of a deeper emotional problem.

Ouch. That actually hurt.

First time ’round I fell for everything; second time I was much more cynical, but failed to practice the “run away” part. Possibly because of divine intervention, but the lesson stands:

There are things in our ecosystem that should have a “don’t touch” sign placed alongside. Or “be careful.” “Do not tap on glass.” There are other things that are more appropriate for a “Back the fuck off and don’t come back” sign…or…”If you can read this sign you must have a death wish.” These two classes of sign — they are not the same. One is not a substitute for the other.

Liberals Are More Evolved Than Conservatives

Friday, March 19th, 2010

Liberals and atheists, that is. And their I.Q. is higher as well. Yeah that’s right, we got another one.

People who later admitted to being “not at all religious,” and who classified themselves as “very liberal” politically had higher IQ scores as teenagers than those who were “very religious” and “very conservative.”

The difference isn’t huge. Only 11 points, on average, separate the liberal from the conservative, for instance. But [researcher Satoshi] Kanazawa believes it’s significant.

“Liberalism”—which Kanazawa defines, in part, as caring about the well-being of vast numbers of people you’ll never meet—”is a very new thing for humans,” he said.

“Historically, humans cared about the welfare of immediate family and friends but not complete strangers.”

Well, I think there’s something to this. Changes in environmental pressures have caused a sort of social evolution that was not here previously. Only thing is, a “change” in pressure is not necessarily an increase. It can be a drop. Which means the genome is devolving…weakening. It has to meet fewer challenges. It’s bored.

This is evidenced by the fundamental difference between conservatives and liberals, aptly demonstrated here. A conservative cares about whether he is confronting a particular challenge effectively. A liberal cares about whether he is confronting a particular challenge more fashionably, as interpreted by some third party, than the conservative. Whether the actual problem is solved in the end or not — he’s too distracted by these other considerations to notice.

Before you are effective, be approved-of. And in gauging whether or not your approval is sufficient, just compare it to the other guy’s.

James Lewis at The American Thinker is not being snookered by it, even for a moment.

[It's] typical of the cultural Left today — and of its hopeless cravings to validate itself as being smarter, better-educated, and of course, more compassionate than those conservative throwbacks to a brute past. Somehow the Left always needs to boast, and like any other compulsive boaster, it is compensating for its own feelings of inferiority. I suspect that that’s the real inner nature of the Left: Most of its followers worry about their personal adequacy in life.

They certainly do seem to expend a whole lot more energy on relativism, and perceptions of others, compared to their conservative counterparts. If Kanazawa agrees with me that this is where our recent societal pressures are pushing us, and it would appear that he does, then IMO his research is valid. Our environment is descending into a pit of lethargy, distraction, despair and indulgence. Our push is to intoxicate our priorities, to become penny-wise and pound-foolish — to pursue our most vexing problems, in a manner that leads to all sorts of consequences other than a successful resolution. Our push is toward classic Bacchanalia. Yes, we are evolving in that direction. Our liberals first.

Hat tip to Dr. Sanity, via Maggie’s Farm.

STOVL F-35B

Friday, March 19th, 2010

Hat tip to blogger friend Buck.

Wikipedia sez:

The Lift System is composed of a lift fan, drive shaft, two roll posts and a “Three Bearing Swivel Module” (3BSM). The 3BSM is a thrust vectoring nozzle which allows the main engine exhaust to be deflected downward at the tail of the aircraft. The lift fan near the front of the aircraft provides a counter-balancing thrust. Somewhat like a vertically mounted turbofan within the forward fuselage, the lift fan is powered by the engine’s low-pressure (LP) turbine via a drive shaft and gearbox. Roll control during slow flight is achieved by diverting pressurized air from the LP turbine through wing mounted thrust nozzles called Roll Posts.

Wonder how much fuel we’re burning up. I suppose if I start lusting after one, simply thinking about it will boost my carbon footprint and get my overlords all upset with me.

Thirty Warning Signs You’re the Office Bitch Everyone Complains About

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Not mine. And a whole year of dust sitting on it.

But damn well worth it.

30. Domestic violence counselors make one exception for your husband.
29. Your hair fluctuates between Donna Reed and Cult.
28. You expect everyone to be one time, except for yourself.
27. Your nose is so far above your forehead, you risk drowning when it rains.
26. You offer the use of staples, paper and other office supplies, and then complain when someone uses them.
25. When the boss is on vacation, your weekly “visits” increase to five a day.
24. When you use the phrase, “the boss is concerned…,” it’s preceded by you telling the boss your concern.
23. You consider Kleenex a personal extravagance that shouldn’t be purchased with office funds, yet the $20,000 leather couch is a work expense.
22. You refer to your boss as your “work husband.”
21. You’re so anal retentive, office chairs vanish when you sit on them.
20. You host a birthday lunch for the boss, and invite no one else.
19. In the kitchen, you refer to Martha Stewart as “that novice.”
18. When coworkers use the restroom, they say “I had to take a (insert name here.)
17. You believe your so pure, you’re one shade away from translucence.
16. You have no children, caring spouse or social life, yet you find everyone else pathetic.
15. No one responds to your emails.
14. A wild night for you is bingo past 10 p.m.
13. The month of December is set-aside for you to coordinate the one-hour Christmas party.
12. You use the phrase, “I love her to death, but…”
11. The first person you call for a tech issue is the office douche that everyone complains about.
10. You masturbate to Beanie Babies.
9. If you were my dog, I’d have you put to sleep.
8. You a have a list of what you consider “rancid foods” that no one is allowed to eat.
7. Your best friends are your mother and cat.
6. You compliment someone’s outfit, only when you hate it.
5. You believe co-workers are fascinated by your menopause and hysterectomy stories.
4. You’re the only person in the office who knows what a “scone” is.
3. If this were elementary school, you’d be what’s known as the Tattle-Tale.
2. You relate to more than ten items on this list.
1. You haven’t realized you’re “just a secretary.” Face it, you’ve peaked.

“There’s a Communist Living in the White House!”

Saturday, March 6th, 2010

It’s become something of an “Everyone Else is Blogging it, I Might as Well Do it Too” kind of a thing. So let’s go.

Hat tip to Buck.

“I Bitch Slapped Three People This Morning…and That Was Just at Starbucks”

Saturday, March 6th, 2010

Marina is occasionally hard to understand and monotonous, but that line made me laugh. And she’s always easy on the eyes.

I suppose this should go up with a warning about the audio not being safe for the workplace.

Best Sentence LXXXV

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

The eighty-fifth award for Best Sentence I’ve Heard Or Read Lately (BSIHORL).

FrankJ takes it once again:

Democrats are a lot like sparkly vampires in that a lot of women like them but they just confuse and irritate most men.

YES. Those stupid teevee-moovee vampires, with their surly GQ looks and their spiky hair and their leather boots & trench coats.

It’s definitely a chick thing. Although to be fair, I think the sparkly vampires have made better progress earning their approval from the fairer sex than the Nonsense Party. I doubt like hell that I can find any gentlemen who will be late for work because they stayed up late the night before reading Ann Rice novels in bed, or watching Buffy reruns. But I can produce for you a “stud” pretty easily who thinks Islamic terrorism is harmless but global warming is a threat. I can’t promise that guy can change a tire or drive a stick shift, but still. The gender skew is greater with the vampires…

…but it’s still there. The simile works.

If Men Were Allowed to Edit Womens’ Magazines

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Click pic to view.

Hat tip to Linkiest.

Cannonball in Mercury

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

Hat tip to Fatale Abstraction.

Geography Bees

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

Hat tip to Miss Cellania.

This Is Good LXVIII

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

How to Report the News. (There’s one word out of the whole goddamn thing that might not be considered appropriate for a mixed goddamn audience.) I hope you never, ever see teevee “news” the same way again.

Hat tip to Gerard.

Let’s Play Brutal Mario World

Saturday, February 13th, 2010

Part one of twenty+something, and you’re crazy if you think I watched them all. So The Blog That Nobody Reads cannot be held liable for the time you lose…if you do…

This Is Good LXVII

Saturday, February 6th, 2010

IMAO has a story — believe it if you want — about an apology being issued by private citizen and former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin:

In a brief statement, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin apologized for describing White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel as “Obama’d”.

“All I meant to say,” said Palin, “was that sometimes Rahm says things that are kind of Biden, and in the heat of the moment, I slipped and said he was ‘completely Obama’d’. It’s a phrase that many people who are sick of the government’s liberal, nanny-state agenda toss around as a casual epithet. I didn’t stop to consider how hurtful it is to people who, because of some tragic mental handicap, actually embrace the Obama agenda.”

“It was a very Reid thing for me to say. I Pelosied up, and I’m sorry for being such a complete Axelrod.”

“Hot Chicks Playing Football? Fail”

Friday, February 5th, 2010

I have a very short list of “exhibits” to enter into any argument in which someone asserts that a lady cannot be classy when she’s wearing skimpy clothes. Ahh…let us refine that shall we…

…a very short how much time have you got?? list of “exhibits” to enter into any argument in which someone a thoroughly unpleasant, frumpy-looking female person asserts that a lady cannot be classy when she’s wearing any time after someone somewhere has seen her wearing skimpy clothes.

Anyway. Marina Orlova is certainly at, or near, the top of the list. She could certainly stand to eat a samrich or two. But I’m completely wild about her slogan, “intelligence is sexy.” That puts her on another list…that two-column ledger, of people who are helping our current society and people who are hurting it. She goes into the “helping” column. It’s a situation I personally don’t find all that funny. But funny or not, it’s certainly a message for the times.

And I like the way when I’m done watching one of her videos, I know maybe just a little tiny bit more about things than I knew a few minutes before. So both of my heads get something out of it. <bseg>

“Fumble” is Scandinavian in origin? Uff-da.

Rocket Sled Gone Wrong

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

Meep, meep. Drinking party, Motorcycle muffler, gunpowder, gasoline, the now-traditional “Hey y’all, hold my beer and watch this.”

Witnesses said the man strapped the device on his back, donned a makeshift helmet and got on a sled, asking someone to light a wick attached to the device.

Part of the way down the hill, the device exploded, resulting in second-degree burns to the victim’s face. One of his eyes was damaged.

He is currently getting treatment at a local hospital.

Sheriff’s deputies continue to investigate the incident pending possible criminal charges.

Ballad of Ricky Bobby meets Wiley Coyote.

Now it Can Be Told: Who is Mr. Sanders?

Monday, February 1st, 2010

Ah hah! The itch can finally be scratched.

In response to — How come it is that Winnie the Pooh lives underneath a sign that says “Mr. Sanders”? The answer may surprise you.

The “Sanders” Question

Hello. I have a dilemma. I was discussing Winnie the Pooh with a friend the other day. (Don’t ask me why, we’re both grown adults). And he INSISTS that because it says “Sanders” above the door, that it is Winnie the Pooh’s last name. As in Winnie the Pooh Sanders. I told him this is not true, and showed him your web page where it states “It means he had the name (Sanders) over the door in gold letters and pooh lived under it”.

He still INSISTS that this means that is his last name. Would you PLEASE clear this up for us. We need to know which one is correct because we now have a bet riding on this. (We are very immature). Also, if it isn’t his last name, why does it say Mr. Sanders over his door? That’s just out of curiosity. Thank you.
:
Another answer comes from author Ann Thwaite in her biography, A.A. Milne: The Man Behind Winnie-the-Pooh (Random House, 1990). In her Notes (page 522, referring to page 262) we read: “under the name of Sanders The Sanders referred to was Frank Sanders, who had a printing works in the Snow Hill area of London.” This firm apparently printed some of A.A. Milne’s work, although all four children’s books are printed by Jarrold of Norwich. Information comes from Douglas Sanders, Frank’s nephew, 1989. Frank Sanders was certainly a friend of illustrator E.H. Shepard, but there is no reference to him by A.A. Milne that would confirm this private joke.

I always figured Pooh’s friends moved into the hundred-acre wood first, and Pooh wanted to follow them, but there was no room available after the other animals got all their houses built. Poor Mr. Sanders just got in the way. So Pooh, being a psychopath, butchered him with an ax and buried him under the floorboards. Sort of an “eminent domain” kinda thing.

That could be because I never really gave the “Mr. Sanders” sign too much of a thought, until after I’d read this some fifteen years ago (naughty language behind the link).

Ten Best Alarm Clocks Up By Which To Wake

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

Silly people over at Slate (WARNING: Article is technical/retail, and dated by nearly four years). When are they gonna learn a preposition is not something you want to end a sentence with?

Interesting items be here. Could be worth your time even in spite of all that dust on top. It’s worth mine, because the lady and I both had the same thought this morning: Gotta get a new alarm clock.

So I’m out the door. Probably gonna buy two of something. Yeah that’s right; a female, inexplicably, has entrusted me with the power to determine how she is going to wake up for the next n years. And I, inexplicably, have accepted this and the responsibility that goes with it. Mmmmm, hmmmm……..this should go rather well. Can’t see a downside to it at all.

It takes brave, brave lads like me, to keep the world goin’ round.

Unhappy Hipsters

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

She had this uncanny way of making him feel so, so small.”

Via Boortz.

The Small Rectangle Where We Are the Most Honest

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

With a neat, thin little black line around it. Twenty years ago you hadn’t seen it before, and now you type stuff into it multiple times daily…

Someone once told me that there is nowhere we are more honest than the search box. We don’t lie to Google. Period. We type in what we’re thinking — good, bad, and ugly. There’s probably no piece of information that would better show what’s on someone’s mind than their stream of searches.

Read the whole thing. And then Marginal Revolution‘s thoughts.

Hat tip to Dyspepsia Generation.

How Avatar Should Have Ended

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

Personality Grader

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

This amazing widget will go out and read your tweets, your twits, your Facebook wall, your blog, your LinkedIn contacts, and generally all of your pathetic attempts to get someone’s attention out there in cyberspace.

One issue I have with it: It appears to be entirely random. Either that, or it has a filtering process or two that could use some tweaking.

Blogger friend Buck found out he’s dumber than a stump…when he went by “Buck,” but when he entered his Christian name instead suddenly he was a freakin’ rocket scientist. My results were similar: Morgan K Freeberg uses emot-icons to the point of irritation, possesses average intelligence at best, is weepy, whiny, and something of a neurotic drama-queen flibbertigibbet. Morgan Freeberg, on the other hand, is a polar opposite, a stoic blogger of Viking descent, well-known only within a smaller community, does very little to engage in any kind of outreach, and possesses all kinds of smarts.

No, I didn’t save screen prints. I didn’t enter the same name twice to check out the “random number” theory. It didn’t pique my curiosity that much. I decided to just blog about it instead.