From Why I Like Kids.

This is definitely my kind of humor. Whenever I find out the hard way that my ISP has set me up with a router model that is known to be out-of-date, or start doing a bunch of goofy crap for no reason at all, or my cable company didn’t configure something right, or the land-line phone company left some switchbox a block away all messed up, and I lose minutes and hours to just that basic step of figuring out something isn’t working right, then have to hop from one phone representative to another until someone ‘fesses up — my standard comeback has come to be “What the hell do OLD people do when they subscribe to your service?”

Because that’s the world from which I come — that customer service isn’t put together & working properly, until it can work with the folks who, we used to say…”their talents lie elsewhere.” Apparently, that idea has gone out of fashion. Which means I’m now one of the old people.

That was how many ‘W’s?

I’ve been looking and looking and I finally found a copy…

Okay this is pretty weird…

A Sams Valley man was killed and his mother critically injured after their vehicle struck a bull elk on a state highway near Union Creek late Saturday night.

Rodney Wonacott, 51, was killed instantly when the westbound Buick he was driving, and an eastbound Ford pickup truck, simultaneously slammed into the elk which was standing in the middle of Oregon State Highway 230.

The driver of the Ford truck, 28-year-old Aaron Platt of Redmond, and his passengers were not injured in the crash, police reports said.

Rita Dyer said her brother and mother were returning from a funeral in Bend when the fatal crash occurred on the dark and rain-slicked highway near Union Creek.

“The two cars cut the elk in half.” Dyer said.
:
Both vehicles were traveling in opposite directions towards each other when they crashed into the elk. The truck and car did not come into contact with one another. But her brother’s car veered off the highway upon impact with the elk, careening off the wesbound shoulder and slamming into a tree, Dyer said. [emphasis mine]

Poor elky-welky.

What’re the odds of that happenin’?

So he shouldn’t pay child support. No…it’s not what you’re thinking…he’s not saying it wasn’t him, couldn’t a-been him, musta-been some other dude, he was asleep. That is not the argument.

He’s saying it’s his but he slept through the conception. And agreeing it’s his.

A Manitoba man is suing the mother of his child, claiming he shouldn’t have to pay child support because he was asleep when she had sex with him.

In a statement of claim filed in Manitoba Court of Queen’s Bench last week, the man from Tyndall, Man., claims he was visiting the woman from Selkirk in late 2006 when he fell asleep.

The man alleges he woke up and found the woman was having sexual intercourse with him.

The man says when he “demanded that she cease and desist” she complied. But about nine months later the woman gave birth to a child that he agrees is his.

Succubus.

If you read the book — it’s a tad bit gnarlier than the movie. Tough as that may be to believe…

It’s almost a prophecy for what’s going on in 2008, isn’t it?

H/T: Stix Blog.

Then we’re here for you…

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from Shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Chardonnay*.

Chardonnay is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Chardonnay can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you are ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Chardonnay almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Chardonnay.
:
WARNINGS:
The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you are whispering when you are not…

Ah…I do love good satire. It sounds just like the commercials that come on at prime time and then again at two in the morning, y’know? Chardonnay. Heh.

The Local, Germany’s News in English, via FARK:

The john and the prostitute agreed on the fee for the 20-minute service in an Aachen alley, but failed to pick a specific goal for their undertaking, the police report said…When the prostitute refused to cough up the cash, he called the police. However, the officers were unable to mediate the situation successfully, and the man filed charges against the woman.

Interesting article that defines the ten points of a creative personality, and bashes the traditional I.Q. test (under point 2).

1. Creative people have a great deal of physical energy, but they’re also often quiet and at rest.
2. Creative people tend to be smart yet naive at the same time.
3. Creative people combine playfulness and discipline, or responsibility and irresponsibility.
4. Creative people alternate between imagination and fantasy, and a rooted sense of reality.
5. Creative people trend to be both extroverted and introverted.
6. Creative people are humble and proud at the same time.
7. Creative people, to an extent, escape rigid gender role stereotyping.
8. Creative people are both rebellious and conservative.
9. Most creative people are very passionate about their work, yet they can be extremely objective about it as well.
10. Creative people’s openness and sensitivity often exposes them to suffering and pain, yet also to a great deal of enjoyment.

These things are always interesting and somewhat problematic; people, reading them and evaluating them, tend to talk up the parts that make ’em look good and look down with disdain on the parts that make ’em look bad. Me, I’m not sure what to think. Looks like I come in very strong on points #8, 9 and 10, and weak on #3. But my I.Q. has always been tested on the high end, well above the 120 that this article says is the point of diminishing returns. So I dunno. If it makes me smart, it must be true, but if it doesn’t it must be full of malarkey. I’ll read on it and think on it some more later.

Anyway. Another interesting nugget to file away. H/T: Dr. Helen.

Revolving backs-of-fireplaces, sliding bookcases, hidden sliding chutes that open up under chairs just like in “Batman Forever.” Yeah, baby.

Door-opening mechanisms can be almost anything—a chess set, a Lysol can or a flip-up Shakespeare bust equipped with a fingerprint reader. Homeowners typically spend about $10,000 on the secret-room setup, but Creative Home Engineering offers rotating fireplaces that cost about $35,000.

[Steve] Humble has no desire to know what motivates his company’s secretive clients. “I don’t even know where a lot of the doors go,” he says. “I just ask the size of the doorway—I don’t need to know what they’re hiding.”

:
I’m voting Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they’re doing because they now think we’re good people.
:
I’m voting Democrat because I believe three or four pointy headed elitist liberals need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would NEVER get their agendas past the voters.
:
I’m voting Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my horse.

And many more.

Wright County Republican.

Just out of curiosity, I loaded “The Blog That Nobody Reads” into Google. Throughout this blog’s nearly four years, we have called ourselves this, and since then lots of folks have taken note of it. More than a few of them have wanted to claim this subtitle as their own…and have graciously deferred to our virtual trademark (which we don’t really have).

We trip across — get this — this guy named Davis Freeberg — Freeberg, same spelling and everything — who says “I Started A Blog Nobody Read.”

In response to the question yet unasked, no. There’s no relation whatsoever. Actually, it’s not his real name. He says,

Professionally Davis Freeberg is an investment advisor in a non technology related field and uses his pen name to separate his investment career and identity from his thoughts and opinions on new media and technology, both fields which neither he nor his firm advise or offer services for professionally.

Morgan K. Freeberg, on the other hand, is the real name of a real flesh-and-blood guy. Which some people think might be a little foolish. And who knows, maybe they’re right. Whatever. Morgan K. Freeberg is a real Freeberg, and has balls.

Bloggin’…it ain’t for the timid.

Anyway. Quite the ko-ween-kee-dink. Thought I’d share with all the nobodies who don’t stop by and not make the time to not read The Blog That Nobody Reads.

Yup, I agree with that…

Anytime somebody starts a sentence with “in fairness,” or “to be fair,” he has either just said or is just about to say something decidedly unfair, and usually pretty sarcastic.

In fairness, I do it all the time.

Found this via the blogger mentioned in the post previous. Pretty funny.

Enjoy.