House of Eratosthenes

Today was my court hearing. It’s a follow-up to what happened here. Below you see my 15-slide presentation I had prepared in electronic form, in letter-size print-out form, and in oversize full-color hard copy ready for presentation on an easel. Sixty dollars worth of Kinko’s product, ready to present in combat against a $204 ticket…written out way, way back in June…

So what do you think happened.

A. The judge was overwhelmed by the sheer power and force of my irrefutable logic, that the sign objectively failed to fulfill the non-negotiable standards imposed on it by Sections 2A.12, 2A.16, 2A.22, 2B.03 and 2B.19 of the Manual of Uniform Traffic Control Devices, published by the United States Government and customized by the California Department of Transportation.

B. The judge was unprepared for the extremely compelling case I made that it was simply not reasonable or realistic to expect motorists to see such a tiny road sign, around so sharp a bend in the road, amidst such a great multitude of other distractions. The video really put this case over the top when I captured all those cars ignoring the sign that they probably couldn’t see any better than I could anyway. And then of course, as frosting on the cake, there is the matter that the sign is plainly NOT legal.

C. The judge was completely bowled-over by the sensible arguments I made in favor of u-turns being allowed at that intersection. No one can recall who ever made the dumbass stupid decision to prohibit u-turns at that location, but they will make every effort to hunt down the miserable sonofabitch, and may God have mercy on his soul.

D. The judge had the wind knocked out of her sails by my water-tight argument that for 206 years now, it has been ingrained into the spirit of American jurisprudence a neverendingly hostile reaction to any hint of an all-powerful legislature; and, that an all-powerful legislature is precisely what we create when laws lose all force and effect as soon as they they apply to other laws. We are bound to follow the law, be it sensible or not, especially when we enforce that law against others. The judge was particularly impressed when I quoted Chief Justice John Marshall from the Marbury vs. Madison decision of 1803. Surely that applies to the case at hand, does it not, for if a sign is enforceable at 12″ wide and 17″ tall, when the standards plainly state that it should be 24″ square or higher — why stop there? Make it as big as the ticket I was written for disregarding it. Make it as big as a Post-It note. Why not? Where does it end? And for that reason, you must dismiss this case and yank the sign out by the roots…or else the standards have no meaning…and we are living in a tyrannical government of our own making.

E. The judge dismissed the case when the cop didn’t show up.

F. I’m guilty, and sentenced to a dog’s lifespan of bicycling to work.

This little drama has been going on for three months now. And I can safely say that every single person I see on a regular basis…son…girlfriend…co-workers…UPS guy…lady who does our dry-cleaning…is sick and tired of hearing from me about u-turn signs. And curious about how things were going to turn out this morning. Both. Feeling conflicted. And letting it show.

Meanwhile, I have been consumed in an endless morass of obsession over road signs that are unreasonably small. I’ve become quite a difficult person to have in proximity, and occasionally something of an embarrassment.

But that all ends now.

Maybe.

I’m guessing “G”, the DA settled for an ungodly sum and you’re moving to a compound out in the mountains.
- Jason | 09/21/2009 @ 20:21
I’m going with “E”.

Judges are far too busy to listen to arguments and the cop was probably busy having a donut or something.
- pdwalker | 09/22/2009 @ 00:31
It was just another case of blind American justice, and the judge wasn’t going to look at the 27 8×10 color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was.
- chunt31854 | 09/22/2009 @ 04:22
pd and ch, step right up to claim your prize.

The PowerPoint was mostly something to wave around, sort of a Saul Alinsky maneuver. I’d have been quite surprised to be able to show it in court, and if I made it past the third slide I would’ve been downright shocked.

I was trying to recognize the cop out of the ten or so who were there; only saw him for about a couple of minutes, three months before. Almost young enough to be my son, in good shape, looked like a runner. In court there were a couple guys my age, and the younger ones all had that bear/badger build, y’know?

Anyway, as the slides say. The sign is flouting a number of standards…most notably size, but a number of others…and as a direct consequence of this, I just didn’t see the damn thing.
- mkfreeberg | 09/22/2009 @ 05:01
I would have expected the Arlo Guthrie solution from Buck, but maybe he hasn’t landed here yet, .and since it’s already been expressed by chunt31854…

One pile of garbage is better than two, and rather than bring that one up we decided to throw ours down….

Good for you, Morgan. I’ll bet you had many nights tossing and turning dreaming about “D”. I know I would have.
- philmon | 09/22/2009 @ 06:00
I’m just glad to know that there’s someone else out that can be as obsessive as I am. 😉
- Daphne | 09/22/2009 @ 06:20
Daphne, you have no idea how pissed I was first time I rode my bike there and saw what’s in Slide 12. Even at that point I still planned on pleading guilty…it was only in the next few weeks I figured out, y’know what? If I wanted to go around town and find another sign that looks like this, I wouldn’t know where to find one. WTF??
- mkfreeberg | 09/22/2009 @ 06:26
No matter how cynical I get, it’s never cynical enough.

Glad you got off though, whatever the reason.
- pdwalker | 09/22/2009 @ 07:20
You forgot the scenario where the judge, having a bad day or being an Obama supporter that has read your blog, decides that your inability to see a sign while traveling at such a slow speed represents a danger to other motorists on the road and suspends your license until you pass both the written and driven test at the DMV.

I shared this outcome last week while discussing this case with a few other of your former co-workers. While none of us actually wished this upon you, it did give us a good laugh.
- Crusher66 | 09/22/2009 @ 08:01
Of that, I have no doubt.
- mkfreeberg | 09/22/2009 @ 08:32
Didn’t realize I was SO tardy to the party, but I was gonna opt for “E.” And Enquiring Minds(TM) wanna know… did you really show up with the PP slides and all? 😉
- bpenni | 09/22/2009 @ 11:22
Yer goddamn right I did.

8½” x 11″, 11″ x 17″, and in electronic form on my girlfriend’s mini-notebook.

I was pissed. Here’s what got the blood pumping: You see here the intersection in question. Now, you can just ask Google Maps to “draw a line along roads” to tell you HOW to get out of that round-about again, if you drove into it and figured out you didn’t want to be there. With the no-u-turn rule entered into GM’s database, it will correctly instruct you to pilot your vessel more than a mile…past ten or more business parks you have no intention of visiting.

I hate that stuff. Hate it, hate it, hate it. “Can’t go here, can’t go there, now that you’ve gone there you gotta go here…” Agh. Know what that means? The jackass who designed those roads doesn’t live ’round here.
- mkfreeberg | 09/22/2009 @ 11:48
Your GPS, for general reference and for Google Earth, are N 38.6542° W 121.1829°.
- mkfreeberg | 09/22/2009 @ 12:40
[…] In California, Unemployment Highest in Seventy Years Community Reinvestment — Part Deux? Morgan Beats City Hall Colt .45 Who Exactly Is This Guy, […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 09/26/2009 @ 16:01
I watched the video/flash of all the other U-turners. Some of them looked like they’d had quite a bit of practice (go a little beyond the sign and a bit to the right so there’s room to clear the far curb, etc.). I also noticed the island isn’t very wide, so if they made the sign large enough to see, it would scrape the sides of the passing cars. I’m guessing bad planning on the part of the state is not a defense? I feel for you.
- kdaunt | 09/26/2009 @ 20:19
Yes, I’m one of the people who have lots of practice. I bought my car specifically to make u-turns, because I don’t like driving two, three, four or more miles just because of an “oopsie” I made way back there.

You’re right about micro-sizing the sign so it doesn’t get scraped. If only it worked…if you look at the slide presentation, you’ll see the poor thing is getting all banged up to hell. And yeah the median is too narrow. What it comes down to is this: They disregarded the rules to make everything fit. I can see how they had to…but if you aren’t going to follow rules when you get other people to follow rules, you can’t go busting people for failing to follow the rules when you’re not following the rules telling ’em what the rules are.

I think if the cop showed, one way or t’other I wouldn’t get past slide #2 or #3. Most likely scenario is the judge would announce they aren’t prepared to go chasing down this bunny trail, and schedule another hearing so they can bring in their egkspurts. Or dismiss the whole thing entirely.
- mkfreeberg | 09/26/2009 @ 22:55
[…] in some way, any way at all…a murderer is executed, a child is disciplined, a driver has to appear in court for failing to observe a u-turn sign, a military force is repelled, a military force is attacked, a […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 11/15/2009 @ 09:11
[…] in some way, any way at all…a murderer is executed, a child is disciplined, a driver has to appear in court for failing to observe a u-turn sign, a military force is repelled, a military force is attacked, a […]
- Cassy Fiano » Indecision as a Virtue | 11/15/2009 @ 09:21
[…] maintain it as wonderfully as you want and it isn’t going to help you. 40. Thankful that cop didn’t show up. It was only a two hundred dollar ticket, but I wouldn’t have been suprised to see that whole […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 11/26/2009 @ 08:41
[…] for “racism” or “sexism”…or anything else that would justify, in some flimsy ramshackle way, a really, really easy collection of revenue. Everything else gets a pass. We don’t punish to actually correct behavior anymore; […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 01/10/2010 @ 10:08
[…] Seriously. If my life is missing that, I’ll just drive around Folsom. Can’t go here, can’t go there, now that you’ve gone here you have to go there…don’t you dare make a U-turn here. […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 04/16/2010 @ 06:30
[…] In my grayer, more pear-shaped years, I just say yes-officer no-officer and keep my feelings to myself. Save it for the courtroom. […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 04/18/2010 @ 08:53
[…] of it, IMO. I break a traffic law and I really-really did break it, it’s okay to entrap me by means of road signs that aren’t even legal. And this other guy over here, is breaking a different law…so now we have all these anti-laws […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 04/20/2010 @ 07:19
[…] purpose of fighting you as you drive through them. Fighting you not regulating you; they nurture an inimical relationship with you that you can feel as it wafts through the […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 06/21/2010 @ 20:32
[…] hear you la la la” and since then has given up on it. I guess she’s never seen that U-turn sign that tripped me up a year and a half ago, or anything like it…maybe she rides in taxicabs, maybe she has a […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 01/07/2011 @ 08:43

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Morgan Beats City HallMonday, September 21st, 2009

Morgan Beats City Hall
Monday, September 21st, 2009