House of Eratosthenes

This blog, which nobody actually reads anyway, takes perverse pleasure in the nonsensical reactions ordinary people show to beautiful girls in skimpy clothes. There’s almost always a visual aid to go with the story, of course, and that is always pleasing. But of far greater interest than that is the human behavior aspect.

People do not make sense when they do their snarking about beautiful women in skimpy clothes. The most common nonsensical thing I see happen, is that the objection to the girl in skimpy clothes is given far greater visibility than the underlying reason for so objecting. In fact, most of the time, it is left up to the audience to just kind of…”get.”

For that reason, I thought I’d put together a list of reasons good-looking girls should NOT wear skimpy clothes. I decided to do this after chuckling over this long, drawn-out debate under the “Girls of Ryan Air” calendar started by some guy named “Will.” Will was unusually forthcoming about what he didn’t like.

I really don’t appreciate these off-topic posts about bikini-clad girls or playboy photo shoots. While any smart alecky kid can make the case that it is travel-related (“The girls in bikinis are stewardesses of an airline and people use airlines to travel. So there.”), this really has nothing to do with interesting travel destinations, tips, deals, or gear–the kinds of things a travel blog would be expected to cover.

More than that, it’s just tactless. Who wants to be reading a travel blog at work or in a public library and have someone walk by when the first thing on your screen is a photo of a girl in a bikini top in a suggestive pose?

Poor Will. Must be a terrible ordeal driving down the road being forced to look at billboards.

Girl Friday, who was linked by Dustbury, was a little bit more coy.

Dear 70-ish Woman at Costco This Morning:

You look great! Clearly you work out. You were glistening with sweat and your hair looked damp beneath your visor this morning as you perused the produce at Costco. Perhaps you had just come from a tennis match? I’m guessing some sport with alot of arm action since your arms looked tanned and well toned.

Speaking of arms: cute little sleeveless top you had on. Very sporty! And it perfectly matched you skirt (or was it a skort?). They must have come as a set. And it showed your legs off nicely. I could tell that it was no illusion that you work hard at keeping fit, because I could see almost ALL of your legs. Yup! Nearly right on up to that mysterious part of womanhood that, well, some of us, like to be a little bit more mysterious about.

This is a little bit too much sarcasm for me — by which I mean, not that I disapprove, but that it’s tough for me to figure out the intended meaning. The 70-ish woman looked too good? Not good enough? What?

Alright, are we ready for our list of why beautiful women should wear more clothes? I hope so. There aren’t too many reasons, but whenever people complain about girls in skimpy clothes it never seems to fail — they leave it up to me to figure out what they’re talking about, with their bullying “Can I Get An Amen Here?” preaching, and hey it’s not gonna work. I’m a straight guy. I like beautiful women in skimpy clothes.

But let’s put the list together. I figure there are three reasons:

1. Inappropriate

If, say, an attractive woman happens to be a stockbroker and she’s selling me on a possible investment — I do not want to see a skirt that ends more than five inches above the knee. She’s pulling a scam.

2. She doesn’t look good

Too much cottage cheese, and that’s a thigh that should be covered-up. Muffin-tops mean the shirt should be longer.

3. She looks too good

I expect this is the problem most of the time. Way most of the time.

Women do not like men to get an eyeful of something better looking. They just don’t. I suppose I can understand that…right up until they do the “ringleading” and expect people to hop onto the bandwagon. People who are straight men, like me. Eh, sorry. Like I said, I like good-looking girls in tiny skimpy clothes.

Partly because they look good.

And partly because when they’re around, the bitchy women who want me to suffer just for being a straight man, must be far away. I find the older I get, the more important the second of those two reasons is to me, in relation to the first.

Anyway, tomorrow’s the Fourth of July. So to me, it seems like a strange time to be bitching about women wearing short skirts to Costco. It’s hotter than blazes out there, and nobody’s working in an office. What do you expect to see? Burkhas?

4. She’s too young.

Too many pert young things ( Early Britney Spears is a fine example) sport outfits which are tailored to ping the male sex drive. Don’t ever be the one to say “Nice ass” though or you could disappear for a few years and be forever labeled a sex offender. Please don’t wave it in my face and expect me not to notice.
- Tom The Impaler | 07/04/2008 @ 01:08
Ah! Yes, having just one son I’ve been spared that.

Like they say, fifteen’ll getcha twenty.
- mkfreeberg | 07/04/2008 @ 01:13
Women do not like men to get an eyeful of something better looking.

Au contraire. The Second Mrs. Pennington might well be the exception that proves the rule, but she was constantly and forever telling me things like “Hey…over there, in the blue tank top…” Especially during summer.

Her explanation: “it’s OK to look at the menu, but you BETTER be eating at home!” Yet another reason I miss that girl. Terribly.
- Buck | 07/05/2008 @ 13:16
Yup, mine’s like that.

But I stand by my point. If they weren’t a rarity, then there wouldn’t be anything special about ’em. Or special about that particular thing, anyway. Anyway…by definition, they aren’t the ones complaining.
- mkfreeberg | 07/05/2008 @ 14:30

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Why Gorgeous Women Shouldn’t Wear Skimpy ClothesThursday, July 3rd, 2008

Why Gorgeous Women Shouldn’t Wear Skimpy Clothes
Thursday, July 3rd, 2008