House of Eratosthenes

On Memorial Day, I started out inventing another new word and ended up penning an essay about Give-A-Damn, and the comical and tragic situation into which we’ve placed ourselves by not…well…giving a damn about it. I proclaimed Memorial Day to be Give-A-Damn day. Events since then, have unfolded in such a way that the essay puts them in a new light.

Nothing with regard to that particular piece — this is The Blog That Nobody Reads, after all. But Blogsister Cassy is on the warpath against Hallmark Greeting Cards, and their fictional cranky Madam Maxine. We’re squarely in her corner on this. Although, for reasons that will be explained, we’ve had far less charitable feelings toward this cartoon than she’s had…

On 5-30, for those customers who feel so inclined to send cards on Memorial Day, this panel appeared:

This is where Maxine cartoons start to lose me, on any day. A lot of the time she acts as an emulsifying bonding agent among people who’ve found it somehow virtuous to — well, here we are right back at square one all over again — not Give A Damn about anything.

Here’s the problem: However these lazy apathetics may protest to the contrary, they don’t find a lack of Give A Damn a virtuous thing straight out of the chute; they have to do their fellowshipping with one another about it, in order to maintain this illusion, and I get the feeling that’s where Maxine comes in. Look how hip the old battleaxe is, she doesn’t give a damn about anything. Supposedly there’s something admirable about that. If we gave a damn, we’d tell you what it is.

She’s like a seventy-five-year-old goth chick. No, I don’t think we have a shortage of such an attitude.

But as Hallmark is finding out, it becomes an especially aggravating problem on Memorial Day. In my family, the service members who saw combat all lived through it, thank God, and have since retired naturally from their mortal coils. Now they’re gone. Cassy, meanwhile, has a husband who’s been through multiple deployments just lately, and has survived one roadside bomb. So Memorial Day has special meaning for her family, and for many other families as well for the same reason. So Hallmark, which makes its very living off of the feelings people have when they lay their eyes on the company’s products, has engaged in something wretchedly insensitive here. Plus, they’ve made an idiotic business decision because these are the very people who would feel so inclined to exchange mementos on Memorial Day…who, typically, might consider purchasing Hallmark products for that purpose.

But here’s where it gets weird. I made the comment up above that, when people who find it virtuous to lack any Give A Damn about anything display said virtue by showing off that they don’t have any Give A Damn, they need to fellowship & bond with each other before they find it virtuous. From what I’ve read, out on Maxine’s Facebook page, several offended persons made their feelings known politely and respectfully — and here came the guff. Not “I disagree the cartoon is not offensive,” but rather all kinds of smear and slime and snot and flamewar nonsense. Personal insults aplenty.

Cassy’s treatise on it is here, Susan Katz Keating has examples of the snide snippets over here and BlackFive has a very decent and thoughtful write-up here.

Cassy’s message to Hallmark is here, which I’ll quote in part:

I am writing to inform you that you have lost a Hallmark customer. On Memorial Day, you published an offensive cartoon from your character, Maxine. The text was as follows:

“Lots of people don’t have to work today. Which is why my motto is “Live every day like it’s Memorial Day!”

This was offensive to many people, including myself and some Gold Star families. I know many of the people who commented on Maxine’s Facebook page to express their disappointment. All of them are supportive of the military beyond just complaining on a Facebook page, as your fans would have you believe. It’s bad enough that most Americans view Memorial Day as a day only for a three-day weekend and barbecues. It’s even worse that Hallmark would further this idea.

After many of us posted that the cartoon offended us, Maxine fans responded extremely crudely. They attacked us, including a Gold Star mother. The page moderator did nothing. We were insulted, told to shut up and go away, and still the moderator did nothing. After a while, Hallmark issued a rather weak apology. However, they still took a stand against the military. Comments from military families who were offended were deleted. Comments from fans attacking military families, though, were let stand. Some of these included being called “inbred hicks”, “retards”, and much more. Why were comments from military families — respectful comments — deleted while vile, crude insulting comments directed at said military comments let stand? Clearly, the company apology was not sincere. Actions speak louder than words, and your actions clearly show that not only does Hallmark NOT support our troops and respect the sacrifices of the fallen, they actively side with those who disrespect and insult our troops and their families. This situation could have been handled differently, but Hallmark made a choice and took a stand. You chose which comments to delete and which comments to keep, and the comments you chose were vile, rabid, insulting, and disrespectful. Apparently those are the customers you value — not our troops and their families who are sacrificing for your fans to have the right to insult us.

I visited the page to try to find comments about this, and most of what I found was more polite than “inbred hick” stuff (although I did see that). However, even the polite counterprotests from the “pure” Maxine fans crossed a line, although I don’t think the authors of those comments realized it…because they all had it in common that they presumed the offense taken by the others, was due to some kind of personal problem.

And this is why I’ve never been particularly fond of Maxine. We’re finding something out about human nature here, and what we’re finding out is not pretty: To be dysfunctional is to be a controlling ass. There is no such thing as a lovable, not-give-a-damn type of curmudgeon. If you make a decision not to pick up litter, and then someone picks it up, you look like a jerk. So it’s going to be a natural thing, if you don’t make the world a better place you aren’t going to want anybody else to do it either. If you don’t have the balls to intervene and keep someone from being beaten up, you aren’t going to want anyone else to do it either.

And if you think it’s just great that Maxine, and all the “taker” type people she represents regard Memorial Day as just a day to sit on the ol’ ass and not give a rip about anything…then you’ll be offended when someone else is offended…and you’ll feel inclined to lash out, to lay down these snide insults, as if the offended persons had something “wrong” with them that made them offended, and therefore, should just shut up and go away.

Well yeah, they do have something “wrong” with just them that doesn’t have a bearing on everybody else. Except it isn’t “wrong,” it’s more like special and exclusive, and that’s exactly the problem. The problem is that they, and their family members, and their families themselves, have made meaningful, often life-changing, debilitating sacrifices, sometimes mortal sacrifices, and they’re getting the feeling the rest of the country could care less. You know what really bottom-lines it? There are times when Maxine-style apathy just isn’t funny.

Actually now that I think on it, this nails it even better:

…I hear Marines say over and over again that the Marine Corps is at war while America is at the mall. You people are a shining example of that.

Well hey. They’re Maxine fans. There is bound to be a huge chunk of this crowd, made up by worthless buttholes who think if you give-a-damn about anything, there must be something wrong with you.

This is a bigger problem than just Maxine. All too often, our culture tends to place value on things without first asking salient, sensible questions about things that are supposed to be precious: Is it useful? Is it rare? This “don’t give a damn” is neither one of those. It is, in fact, prevalent and to the best I can discern, it is the source of absolutely nothing that’s any good.

I do admit though I’m wondering what Maxine does for Veteran’s Day to get the crowd giggling. Does she walk up to the vet handing out flowers & pins at the entrance to her corner grocery store, and kick him in the shins or something?

Lesson to take away? Everybody can’t Give A Damn about everything…but its polar opposite, the not-give-a-damn, is not a fashion statement. Or it shouldn’t be one anyway. It’s rather toxic and it isn’t really funny. There does exist a need to find it funny, but that by itself doesn’t make something funny.

In my opinion, and this is not exactly going out on a limb, the need-to-find-not-give-a-damn-funny, is related and connected to the need-to-beat-up-on-people-who-give-a-damn, and the friends and family members who are offended on their behalf. So maybe, before people make a decision to go through life not-giving-a-damn about things, they would do well to look down the road, to think through ahead of time, how they would feel about it if someone else came along who gave a damn. Would that make you look foolish? Would that make you look lazy? Would it make you look like an asshole, a jerk, a dickwad, a horrible human being, or maybe just a waste of skin and vital organs that would do more good in someone else’s body?

If so, then maybe you need to think twice before constructing an entire identity around this goth-hipster “I’m cool because I don’t give a damn about anything” thing. Because if you do, someday it’s gonna happen — someone will bring a good outcome, when you’re too cool to think about doing it yourself, and you’re gong to look like the jackass you are…and then you’ll want to lash out. Best case scenario will be you’ll stay silent and be thought of as a dick; worst case, you’ll speak up like these Maxine fans and remove all doubt.

So your one-liner is: Only way to win at this game is not to play. Better to just Give A Damn. Ironically, that just might end up being less work!

Update: You know, thinking on this some more: While the statement,

Everybody can’t Give A Damn about everything…but…

may or may not be true. Let’s assume for sake of argument this is true and it’s impossible as a human endeavor to go through life giving a damn about everything. How should we then live? If we can’t give a damn about everything, the next best thing would be to place value on people who give a damn. Which means, to appreciate people who give a damn, more than people who don’t give a damn.

That ultimately means looking down on people.

So the inference I’d draw is, this cultural movement we had throughout the final third of the twentieth century, or so…that nobody should ever look down on anybody. I see a linear path of parentage there. We, as people living in a sophisticated society that is trying to right the wrongs of the past, are forbidden by taboo from seeing any other people as better or worse than any other people no matter what. We are required, therefore, to see all people as equal.

But humans cannot see other humans that way.

So…we do whatever takes the least amount of effort, and some diseased minds in our midst have taken to seeing the apathetics as better people. This hyper-enthusiastic drive toward not-giving-a-damn about anything, and finding Maxine cartoons to be “funny,” is like a bastard love-child of this other hyper-enthused drive for a perfect society so strictly egalitarian as to remain entirely fictional.

If you’re wondering where this is coming from, my suggestion is to hop on over to the Maxine page on Facebook, and see how risible and rancorous some of those “nothing to see here” comments can be. It’s really shocking and really deplorable.

Obviously, not-giving-a-damn means never having to be ashamed of your own conduct.

I don’t know. This is one of those things I must be in the minority on on our side of the fence.

I didn’t want to take any of it up with Cassy. She’s a great gal and she feels strongly about this. I wouldn’t want to ruffle her feathers more because I like her too much. But … meh.

Not well thought out? Sure. Could it have been a bit more deferential to The Reason for the Season, so to speak? Sure. Disrepectful to the troops? Mmmmmm, I think it falls a little short of that. And who ever heard of a Memorial Day Card anyway? Have a Happy Memorial Day?

I can’t get too worked up about it. It’s the kind of thing I roll my eyes at when the Left is looking for nits to pick. Which they always are.

Yes, she has a point. But … just don’t buy the card.
- philmon | 06/02/2011 @ 10:19
Phil,

Are you able to explain the “punchline” of this cartoon, what’s funny about it?

My whole complaint is, there isn’t one. We’ve been subtly re-defining “humor” to refer to attempts to derail conversations, to promote some viewpoints that are senseless and to stifle other viewpoints that have no reason to be stifled…

Cassy’s point, meanwhile, isn’t quite so much that the cartoon is a dud, it’s that the people defending the cartoon are behaving in a way that is vile. And Hallmark, or the person moderating the FB page, seems to be making a point of censoring only the comments from people who see a problem with the card, allowing the other comments to let stand even though they’re quite hateful, insulting and crass.

You know, we can’t all be out there fighting and sacrificing…but it seems the very least we can do, as a country, is to be worthy. We shouldn’t be making the families who’ve been doing the sacrificing, wonder what the point to it all was. And keep in mind, Hallmark’s whole mission in life is to “grok.” They’re there to make people feel good — that is their purpose. They really have no other, when you get down to it…that is the commodity they move.
- mkfreeberg | 06/02/2011 @ 10:35
I should mention, I did have the same first impression…seemed like an innocuous little joke.

But a lot of the time it’s still “stop an echo time” even though there’s supposed to be a joke involved. And I notice, lately, a lot of those things called “jokes” are presented as jokes only to stop people from realizing there’s stop-an-echo work to be done. There’s certainly that kind of work to be done here…we don’t need more people thinking Memorial Day is just a 3-day weekend & nothing more.
- mkfreeberg | 06/02/2011 @ 10:39
Are you able to explain the “punchline” of this cartoon, what’s funny about it?

I can explain the punchline, but it isn’t funny. To me anyway. And it really has nothing to do with our fallen soldiers. Which is the only potential problem I see with it is that it pretty much ignores the Reason for the Season. But that gets done with Christmas cards all the time.

The punchline is, I’m an old lady and if I ever worked, I’m retired now and you poor schmucks who are still working only get a few measely days to enjoy what I get to do every day.

I see retired/elderly people sending this sentiment around as jokes pretty much every day. This, to me, just looks like another one of those.
- philmon | 06/02/2011 @ 10:39
Yeah, agreed. You’re right, there’s nothing funny about it.

I once read a story about a recently deceased Pearl Harbor survivor. It mentioned, in passing, that his widow didn’t know what the name “Pearl Harbor” meant. Sad beyond words, when you consider the kind of loneliness this man must have felt.

I’ll bet Maxine has a lot in common with this kind of person. Nothing worth learning about, nothing sacred, nothing that demands effort…anywhere. Zero curiosity.

But someone like Cassy pipes up and says “this offends me,” and they’ve got all this time and effort to spend on a cause. All of a sudden. And she’s supposed to be the bad guy.

Really sad.
- mkfreeberg | 06/02/2011 @ 10:44
Morgan and Philmon….I’m kind of with both of you here.

On first glance, the cartoon is mildly offensive, but definitely unfunny at the least.

On second glance, the real problem is not the cartoon, but the way Gold Star families were treated by Hallmark fans on the company’s Facebook page….and the actions the company (the moderator) took to address that situation actually made the issue worse and rubbed salt in the wound.

You don’t come along and delete people’s comments unless they’ve said something genuinely offensive…and to remove the righteous indignation while leaving the snarky taunting there for all the world to see….? No. No, no, no. It would have been far better to do nothing at all. It would have been a much lesser charge to have accused Hallmark of simply sitting on its ass, not noticing the brouhaha, or doing nothing at all.

I don’t read Cassy’s site much anymore, as she often comes off as perpetually offended and upset – as if always actually looking for a reason to be outraged and always finding one. But she’s right this time around, and her letter, if anything, isn’t worded strongly enough. This is despicable. The company may try to claim they’re not responsible for what its “fans” say on Facebook, but when some duly-authorized representative from said company is in direct control of its Facebook page, and is selective (particularly in this way) about which comments it deletes…..? No. They’re not off the hook in that case.

I haven’t bought anything from Hallmark in years, mostly because I’m not paying $3.99 just to give my significant other or my mother a greeting card with a picture of flowers and some sappy poetry written by a stranger. Is she supposed to read the gold-inlaid lettering and go, “Awww! I never knew you felt that way!” Instead, I usually buy a
“blank inside” card for 99 cents and scribble a personal message on the inside. I just tell the person what I think or reference something they’ve done that was significant to me.

And now, I’ve got another reason to steer clear of Hallmark – they disdain people who are offended by someone who doesn’t Give A Damn about Memorial Day’s true purpose, and worse, allow a bunch of childish hecklers at said offense to remain.

Not. Another. Dime.
- cylarz | 06/02/2011 @ 11:43
On second glance, the real problem is not the cartoon, but the way Gold Star families were treated by Hallmark fans on the company’s Facebook page….and the actions the company (the moderator) took to address that situation actually made the issue worse and rubbed salt in the wound.

You don’t come along and delete people’s comments unless they’ve said something genuinely offensive…and to remove the righteous indignation while leaving the snarky taunting there for all the world to see….? No. No, no, no. It would have been far better to do nothing at all. It would have been a much lesser charge to have accused Hallmark of simply sitting on its ass, not noticing the brouhaha, or doing nothing at all.

Yeah, I must admit I didn’t go out to the page and delve into the comments, and that behavior is wrong for sure.

Guess I didn’t realize they were deleting protesting comments. And leaving the smug snarky ones.

Oh well. I guess I just wish our side would stay out of the hypersensitivity business. It hurts the cause in the long run.
- philmon | 06/02/2011 @ 12:28
Just adding 2 cents here to compliment you on this well thought out column. I swear you explain things to the core that I just write off as “oh well”. (ruh roh, here I am not giving a damn!) ie people who get soooo upset with nonpreaching vegans.

“There is no such thing as a lovable, not-give-a-damn type of curmudgeon. If you make a decision not to pick up litter, and then someone picks it up, you look like a jerk. So it’s going to be a natural thing, if you don’t make the world a better place you aren’t going to want anybody else to do it either. If you don’t have the balls to intervene and keep someone from being beaten up, you aren’t going to want anyone else to do it either.

And if you think it’s just great that Maxine, and all the “taker” type people she represents regard Memorial Day as just a day to sit on the ol’ ass and not give a rip about anything…then you’ll be offended when someone else is offended…and you’ll feel inclined to lash out, to lay down these snide insults, as if the offended persons had something “wrong” with them that made them offended, and therefore, should just shut up and go away.”
- tgoon | 06/02/2011 @ 13:33
Everybody can’t give a damn about everything … true.

But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some things, maybe even a lot of things, that everyone should give a damn about.
- philmon | 06/03/2011 @ 08:23
I am getting older. Not quite as old as the rest of you creaking bags (does a bag creak?), but older. I have kids now. Five years ago I would have passed this thing right over and said “You have at it, I’m not even looking at this wreck.” Now, I look from that cartoon to my kids, to the cartoon, to the kids, back and forth a couple more times, and I know – absolutely know – that I must raise them to be able to see the wrong in this sort of thing. Not necessarily to wade neck deep into battle over it, but to recognize it for the offensive and insensitive thing it is. To be able to see that, understand that, and care about that.

Because I don’t buy the notion that people with such broad access to the eyes of so many people are ever unintentionally offensive, or unintentionally flattering, or unintentionally anything. Their job is to put messages out to people, and I don’t think for a second that the offense in that cartoon was accidental.
- Andy | 06/03/2011 @ 09:42
Andy, I think you’re definitely on the right track…and as I started reading your post, I was afraid you were going to say, “Five years ago I’d have gotten exercised about this. Now I don’t care.” Looks like you’re saying the exact opposite of that though, and bravo.

I hadn’t even considered that angle (teaching your kids to recognize when something is offensive and worth getting annoyed over) but it’s a good lesson to keep in mind.
- cylarz | 06/03/2011 @ 19:20
I’m all on board with protesting Hallmark’s reaction to the protest.

It’s just the initial protest I was rolling my eyes at.

The points about the selective deleting of the comments and the selection they chose to delete and the selection they chose not to … yeah. Very telling.
- philmon | 06/03/2011 @ 20:24

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