Alarming News: I like Morgan Freeberg. A lot.
American Digest: And I like this from "The Blog That Nobody Reads", because it is -- mostly -- about me. What can I say? I'm on an ego trip today. It won't last.
Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler: We were following a trackback and thinking "hmmm... this is a bloody excellent post!", and then we realized that it was just part III of, well, three...Damn. I wish I'd written those.
Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler: ...I just remembered that I found a new blog a short while ago, House of Eratosthenes, that I really like. I like his common sense approach and his curiosity when it comes to why people believe what they believe rather than just what they believe.
Brutally Honest: Morgan Freeberg is brilliant.
Dr. Melissa Clouthier: Morgan Freeberg at House of Eratosthenes (pftthats a mouthful) honors big boned women in skimpy clothing. The picture there is priceless--keep scrolling down.
Exile in Portales: Via Gerard: Morgan Freeberg, a guy with a lot to say. And he speaks The Truth...and it's fascinating stuff. Worth a read, or three. Or six.
Just Muttering: Two nice pieces at House of Eratosthenes, one about a perhaps unintended effect of the Enron mess, and one on the Gore-y environ-movie.
Mein Blogovault: Make "the Blog that No One Reads" one of your daily reads.
The Virginian: I know this post will offend some people, but the author makes some good points.
Poetic Justice: Cletus! Ah gots a laiv one fer yew...
Whatever Happened To Dungeons? II
The continuing lifetime and usefulness of the “innernets” is in danger, and we have to lock up all the women. No wait, that’s not progressive enough…not all the women. Just the ones who can read. Sorry, gals; in ya go. Drastic times call for drastic measures.
Too harsh, you say? Well wake up. They’re ruining the “innernets.” Want proof? Just look around. Actually, let’s try this. Let’s make something up. Make up a completely ludicrous example…something that would prove, beyond all reasonable doubt, that too many ladies are reading what’s on the web, and the web is contorting itself into mystical entanglements, destroying its own content, in an effort to please them. Kinda like guys wearing their baseball caps backwards. The “innernets” is dressing themselves up all funny, trying to please the ladeez, and when all’s said and done, looks like they dressed in the dark or something. Like overgrown little-boys.
What might our imaginary example entail. I know. Let’s say an advice column comes out…you know how women love advice columns. And they love to see guys admit their mistakes, and/or get called out for them. Okay, so a guy writes an advice column and addresses it to other guys. He chirps away at them, as if he’s their mothers or something…or maybe their ex-wives…or bigger sisters…and tells them what to wear. Wait! What to wear on a first date! And then, let’s just make it crazy-ass woman-friendly. Let’s have the male advice columnist to tell his male readers…aw hell, I dunno…let’s have him tell them — hell, let’s go for broke — to wear little itty-bitty hearts on their socks!
And then let’s have him give a cutesy little sign-off that will make the psycho ladies just titter and cackle with evil delight, like the witches from MacBeth.
Our fantasy complete, let us now scour reality, top to bottom, to see if we can find something to line up with this preposterous example.
As Emeril Lagasse might say…BAM!!!
Men: How to dress for a first date
By Matt SchneidermanLet�s face it: Women love clothes. Why else are they constantly shopping and complimenting their girlfriends on that incredible new top or pair of pumps? And while you may be wondering, “What does this have to do with me?” I’ll tell you: More and more, women are expecting, even demanding, that the men they date look more like the “after” images on Queer Eye than the “before.” In other words, showing up at a swanky martini bar in your college hoodie and lucky sneakers may make that first date your last.
:
Paying attention to the particulars is what will really convince a gal you�re a cut above average. “What you wear should speak to your individuality,” says [Stuff Magazine Fashion and Groom Director Kelly] Rae. “If you�re wearing a shirt with French cuffs, wear interesting cuff-links.” And don�t overlook your socks. “White gym socks belong at the gym,” says Rae. “Anything with a pattern can be fun.” Look for something with a design, like hearts or diamonds. “If he can pull the right socks off, he�s a winner.”Matt Schneiderman is a New York-based freelancer who has been known to show up for dates wearing clothes his mom picked out for him.
Let’s get real for just a second here. This is nothing less than rat poison dropped in the giant kettle of clam chowder that is our civilization. Stuff Magazine is a monthly periodical that rolls out to subscribers, for money…a custom that was invented by bright, energetic, hard-working and creative men who did not have little hearts on the socks they wore. The article is written up, and translated into HTML which is an OSI Layer 6 page description language invented by men who didn’t have little hearts on their socks. The article is then read by people who use TCP/IP, a Layer 3 protocol developed by men missing little tiny hearts on their socks, where it is then displayed on computer monitors, invented and built by men who don’t have little tiny hearts on their socks, after passing through a computer processor, which was painstakingly designed by hard-working and dedicated engineers who wore socks that had no little tiny hearts on them.
We don’t owe anything to people who follow these silly rules! Not even the many, many things that made writing and reading this article possible!
Drives me nuts. So, ladies. Kindly stop tearing apart our society, and all the things it has that are needed for all the things you say you like to have. Honor the sloppy man, who has given you so much. Cease and desist from marrying the grizzled tattooed big-bad-boy, and pressuring him to change into some clean-cut nice guy who kisses your mother on the cheek after taking you to dinner and staying up late to watch “Will & Grace” re-runs with you. Literally, and figuratively.
You love the technology, respect the uber-masculine guys who brought it to you. Men is men, teddy bears is teddy bears. The two are different.
Now kindly get inside that iron door so I can lock it. We need to save what’s left of masculinity while it’s still here. Tried our best to preserve your freedom at the same time…looks like that’s not going to work. You keep looking at web pages, and pussified she-males like Matthew Schneiderman find out you’re out there, and then they fill up the web with crap, trying to please you. Enough is enough. We’ll send some hard, masculine, grizzled, poorly dressed men to bring you some meals on a regular basis, and after awhile I’m sure you’ll come to appreciate them. If your cuisine is some fresh-killed game that they shot and gutted and cooked themselves, maybe you’ll learn to appreciate raw masculinity even more.
It can come in handy. Seems at this point it’s been proven beyond all reasonable doubt: Brittle, whiny controlling women, need the sloppy, fashion-oblivious knuckle-dragging manly-man — or, at least, all this neat shit he’s been creating over the centuries — much, much more than the knuckle-dragging manly-man needs the whiny controlling women.
Now, get in.
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