House of Eratosthenes

Speaking of our friend down in New Mexico, he forwarded via offline an article that is pretty priceless. Yet another item listing out what makes a man a real man…except unlike most of ’em, this one finds favor with me because I agree with most of it.

A man makes things — a rock wall, a table, the tuition money. Or he rebuilds — engines, watches, fortunes. He passes along expertise, one man to the next. Know-how survives him. This is immortality. A man can speak to dogs. A man fantasizes that kung fu lives deep inside him somewhere. A man knows how to sneak a look at cleavage and doesn’t care if he gets busted once in a while. A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. It doesn’t matter what his job is, because if a man doesn’t like his job, he gets a new one.

A man can look you up and down and figure some things out. Before you say a word, he makes you. From your suitcase, from your watch, from your posture. A man infers.

A man owns up. That’s why Mark McGwire is not a man. A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not.

Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt.

A man loves the human body, the revelation of nakedness. He loves the sight of the pale breast, the physics of the human skeleton, the alternating current of the flesh. He is thrilled by the snatch, by the wrist, the sight of a bare shoulder. He likes the crease of a bent knee. When his woman bends to pick up her underwear, he feels that thrum that only a man can feel.

Left to be debated:

Does a man adapt to a changing world? That’s a pretty damned important question, and the answer upon which I would have to settle, by process of elimination, is “Yes, within limits.”

Grandpa, for example, did not exercise because Grandpa spent his days down at the city’s lumber mill throwing logs and planks around. Thankfully, people seem to be about as interested in me sitting down to figure out why a computer application is screwing up, and fixing it, as they were back then in having Grandpa provide the lumber that built their houses and buildings. That gives me a livelihood…but it’s still sitting down. So my girlfriend says “let’s go to the gym” and I say — O.K. To me, this is what a real man does because a real man, being a creature designed by the Good Lord to chase animals that are also built by the Good Lord to run away, keeps his heart rate up. At something. Of course, if I want to do that throwing lumber around like Grandpa did, I could certainly be a real man, but I probably wouldn’t make a living doing it unless I did it to keep someone entertained as they laughed their asses off looking at me.

But another part of the changing world is you shouldn’t put up blogs that criticize His Holiness The God President. Does a real man adapt to that? Well, this is exactly the same code the Founding Fathers transgressed…in fact they held a revolution over it, and built a new country, the first one on the globe that nurtured such an ingrained dedication against any royalty, ever. Anyone want to say this was not a manly thing to do? I would say this is a model of a real-man-act, right there. They flouted some rules, established others, and used reason, logic, common sense, and a highly refined understanding of general human behavior to justify their actions. And let us not forget, they believed in God, and that was also used as a justification for their actions…why they flouted some rules and established some others.

They did it so others could be free. And do constructive things. Be real men.

I don’t like the way the list bashes Sauvignon Blanc. As I said in my reply, a real man eats salmon the way little kids eat candy. Now, how does he wash down a nice flank of salmon? Soda pop? Beer? Milk? Fruity dessert wines are for the girls. Chardonnay is good…but the sweetness covers up the bouquet of the seasoning, be it sauce or dry, or if you prefer your fish plain with a little pat of butter I’ve noticed a sweet wine will defeat that experience as well. To me, this rule negates one of those experiences in life that are inherently male and inherently pleasant, which in this case is grilling up a fish over charcoal (or wood…oh yeah, baby, fish over campfire) and pairing it up with wine properly like you really know what you’re doing. Which is okay…but it does it out of concern for what others think. As a justification for jettisoning a positive and male-centric life-experience, that is not okay. That is not even close to okay. This one thing needs to go. Sorry to dwell so much on this one bullet point, but when I was a much littler man I saw “One of These Things is Not Like the Other” on The Electric Company, and I still know how to play.

Separate observation here on those “A Real Man Does [X]” lists. Most of them aren’t like this piece. Most of them are ironic. They say “A real man…” and then what follows is something you do not, in the classical sense, expect a real man to do. “…is in touch with his feelings/emotions” is the most popular chestnut, although there are many others like that. “A real man takes his wife/girlfriend shopping, a real man is out there at Mervyn’s saying ‘open open open’ with her at five a.m. on the morning after Thanksgiving.” Yeah whatever.

What’s the enchantment with that stuff? Nobody ever puts a list together that says “A real woman gives you a good natured chuckle when you tell her she looks fat in her bathing suit.” Unless I’ve missed that somewhere…I recognize the innerwebs is a big, big place…

Speaking of Obama-God, did you see/hear/read this?

The anchor (Chris Matthews) doesn’t say “hit the breaks, do you want to clarify that?”. He just nods in agreement. “Mmmm-hmmm.”
- philmon | 06/10/2009 @ 11:19
Good article, good points.

I wouldn’t bother arguing any because a man understands that an opinion is just that. 😉
- tim | 06/10/2009 @ 12:34
Thanks for the link yet again, Morgan. And just for the record we’ll post for public consumption a small bit of what we said in private:

I think the wine comment only applied to bars… and I most certainly agree in that context. I have yet to order a glass of wine in a bar; that just NEVER happens.

About red wine and seafood… I always go there. I just don’t like whites (never have), champagne being the only white I’ll actually drink… and precious little of that; it’s purely a ceremonial thing… period, full stop. I’m not much of a wine drinker anyway, when ya get right down to it.

Yup… it’s mostly beer and whiskey… with the occasional gin and tonic… here at El Casa Móvil De Pennington. But whatevah floats yer boat! 😉
- bpenni | 06/10/2009 @ 14:20
Morgan, I think one of the things you were attempting to reconcile in your post above was your apprehension towards deeming “manly” the concept of change, and by extension, adapting to a changing world. To me, this is pretty simple: change needs to benefit more than it hurts, and not just the number of people benfitted or hurt, but their rights as individuals. Are their rights directly harmed, or does the change dampen their individual spirit? Both are bad. Men aren’t afraid of change, but can’t stomach change for change’s sake.

This is also a big problem I have: advancing technology is not the same thing as “hope-n-change” – those who are pushing change (politically, and of capitalism’s principles) want you to conflate the two. That’s why liberals want “progressive” to include the internet and computer revolutions: they are regarded as great things, and want to ride on the coattails of that greatness. “If you love productivity gains from electronics, cell phones and the internet, you’ll love cap-n-trade and green legislation – it’s all progressive!”

WRONG WRONG WRONG.

So very often conservatives are painted as “liking things the way they were”, and then are portrayed as (old white men) dismissing new technology – a perfect recipe for losing the younger generations. Conservatives conserve their principles, and do so while repecting the environment and by letting technology flourish under the best circumstances (free market capitalism with strict property rights).

Conservatism’s job is to point out mercilessly how the leftist policies will destroy (gotta be dramtic enough to garner the younger generations’ attention) technological advances: anti-capitalism means fewer Apples, fewer app-producers, fewer jobs that turn into careers, etc. Expand on this point at will; it seems right up your alley. The slogan should be something like: “Love gadgets? Thank capitalism.”
- wch | 06/10/2009 @ 15:53
I think the wine comment only applied to bars… and I most certainly agree in that context.

Me too. What kind of sissy orders white wine in a bar?? Unless you’re talking about one of those “your table will be ready in ten minutes,” brightly-lit bars, which don’t count (there are kids running around tripping the wait staff, so close you could spit on ’em). But even there. Maybe.

At a REAL bar? Local dimly-lit watering hole? Might as well order a glass of warm milk. Feh.

Expand on this point at will; it seems right up your alley. The slogan should be something like: “Love gadgets? Thank capitalism.”

Makes my head fill with ideas so fast, it’s like-ta pop. I think *fun* ties into this in an unfortunate way. Fun…and a young audience. The desired idea association is — iPhone = fun, iPod = fun, Obama more fun than Bush or McCain, therefore left-wing = fun.

But like all technology, the fun gizmos are fun because, before they exist, they start with the simple idea that humans are worthy and glorious, and DESERVE to have some way to do X…immediately…and whenever they want. Liberalism’s central tenet is that humans are not worthy, not glorious, should be allowed to do as little as possible, and ought to be forced to ask permission before they do it. And apologize right after it gets done.
- mkfreeberg | 06/10/2009 @ 16:21
I would say intelligent men change with the times, but not so much. You guy’s hold some hard wired, bedrock truths immutable to changing fashion despite the force to repudiate your basic nature. Buck’s list seems fairly solid. Guys like pretty girls and gadgets, how can you disagree with that fine combination?
- Daphne | 06/10/2009 @ 22:33

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What is a Man?Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

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Wednesday, June 10th, 2009