House of Eratosthenes

One thousand one hundred and seventy paces from my front door is a Starbuck’s. Now, if you walk from that point an additional three hundred ninety paces across a busy boulevard, you get get to a large luxury supermarket. The supermarket has gourmet quality meats, vegetables, breads, seafood, frozen goods, flowers, vegetables, organics, liquors, condiments. It is not bag-yer-own. It is the kind of quality from which you would select if you were about to throw a party, with your very best friends in attendance.

The bank that maintained a branch in that supermarket, was my bank. They staffed it up with bright, competent ladies of all ages who I don’t think I ever once caught making a mistake. And if you showed up there just to pull twenty dollars from your account, they would politely direct you to the ATM machine thirty feet away — for next time — and then politely accommodate you. Oh and by the way, this branch had extended hours. Other branches would be open until six weekdays, maybe twelve-to-three Saturdays. This one was open until seven weekdays and ten-to-five on Saturdays.

As of a week ago, this massive supermarket has a big white wall where the bank used to be. Oh, and the machine is gone.

So I say this:

Some guy, who is very high up the food chain at that particular supermarket location, or perhaps its region, had some trouble with his wife. He separated and began dating a lady who is a highly placed executive with the bank. He patched up his differences with his wife. Now they’re back together. The homewrecker from the bank was given the heave-ho and she’s feeling pretty damn sore about it.

I look at people, generally, as high-drama people.

And the reason I got this checking account in the first place, was when I first moved to California I began dating a gorgeous, hot-blooded young widow who worked for that bank. She was more reasonable and rational than some of the girlfriends who came before, or who came afterward. But she was also a little bit…shall we say…impetuous.

But more than anything else…and maybe this is a bit of irrational selfishness on my part. But this does NOT look like a business decision. It just doesn’t.

An actual branch with some competent people in it, costs a certain amount of money to run. A machine? Eh…that costs some money too. But not nearly as much. That’s supposed to be the point of having a machine. The machine has to be pulled out?

Seems a tad vengeful to me.

Perhaps I’m inventing soap opera episodes where they aren’t actually taking place. I’m willing to allow for that possibility. But if I had to bet some money — I’d say nuh-huh. Someone’s pissed off at somebody. That, or what was once a thriving, exploding community of young opportunistic first-time home-buyers, is now becoming a ghost town and it’s not worth the trouble of dealing with our neighborhood.

But I don’t have too much faith in the ghost-town idea. I just don’t. Someone is teaching someone a lesson.

You have the most active and wonderful imagination in the whole of the right’o’sphere, Morgan. Just sayin’. 😀
- bpenni | 03/07/2010 @ 16:05
Perhaps. “Yank the bank, leave the machine” seems to me to be a perfectly sensible idea. Depending on the circumstances. But with the machine pulled out as well…you know, the one thing I did not mention is how far you have to drive to get that banking done now. If I could disclose the geographic details in this forum, you’d see it. This really does seem punitive, like I said. Maybe not toward me, but toward somebody.
- mkfreeberg | 03/07/2010 @ 16:28
The most immediate question here, at least to me: “Does this supermarket have other locations in the same general area, and if so, does that bank have branches therein?”

Side note: My bank has a supermarket location with an ATM. There’s also an ATM out in the parking lot, which belongs to a rival. The guy at my bank says they’re mystified as to how this came about.
- CGHill | 03/07/2010 @ 18:49
It’s a little over two miles, if you want to switch banks. If you want to deal with the beautiful young widow’s bank it is much, much further. The widow has been out of the picture for about fifteen years now, but I’d rather not switch banks.

So that puts us about four exits down the freeway, roughly ten miles. Hence my comments. This has the unmistakable scent of something vindictive. A food store without a bank is really just a food store…changes the nature of the errand rather drastically.
- mkfreeberg | 03/07/2010 @ 19:21
“Some guy, who is very high up the food chain at that particular supermarket location, or perhaps its region, had some trouble with his wife. He separated and began dating a lady who is a highly placed executive with the bank. He patched up his differences with his wife. Now they’re back together. The homewrecker from the bank was given the heave-ho and she’s feeling pretty damn sore about it.”

And this is substantiated by…Mrs. Crotchet?

I heard that Pres. Obama gives a good speech too…haven’t seen ANY evidence of it but still…I hear….
- tim | 03/08/2010 @ 10:19
Process of elimination.

That it’s a business decision, for reasons stated above, simply doesn’t pass the smell test.

Yeah I’m not completely serious about it. Half-n-half.
- mkfreeberg | 03/08/2010 @ 10:31
No sweat Morgan, we ALL do this mental masturbation stuff. It’s hard to shut the ole brain down even when doing the mundane, day to day BS. Maybe it’s becuse of it.

Oh well, the opposing thumbs thing is still very cool.

Which reminds me of something over the weekend…
- tim | 03/08/2010 @ 11:08
Not to piss on a good rant or anything, but it’s possible that the supermarket chain had a contract with the original bank. That contract ran out, and negotiations to renew it failed for whatever reason. Now the supermarket has signed with Bank of Not MKF, and they’re remodeling the location prior to moving in. Of course, this means that they will have their own ATM inside.

Once upon a time a regional convenience store chain had my bank’s ATM units in every store. This was very convenient for me. I tended to go to that chain instead of the competition, even when I had to drive a little further. Then one day, I walked in to find a crew pulling out my bank’s ATM and replacing it with a Wells Fargo ATM. This happened across the whole chain. Now I don’t go to that brand of store much any more.
- Gordon | 03/08/2010 @ 11:36

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