House of Eratosthenes

It pains me to say this, but if ever there is a world competition for “Best Weather Girl,” the adjudicating panel could save a whole lot of time by simply eliminating the United States from the running and proceeding with all the other nations assembled.

I do not mean by this to say the United States has ugly weather girls. You can see from this lineup that some of them are drop-dead gorgeous. But, with the list items about evenly divided between USA and not-USA, something else becomes clear: All those smarmy libs who have been bellyaching for years and years about “America has hang-ups about sex,” they’re correct. Oh, maybe not in the way they think. I know they really just want to compare us to France, and find France superior because of topless beaches or something dumb like that.

You don’t have to look over the pictures long to find the rule: In the United States, a weather girl M-U-S-T be dressed in such a way that would be acceptable, in an office building, at a large conservative firm. Law firm. Banking institution. We don’t notice it after awhile because we have become acclimated to it. But, this is a hang-up. We’ve been conditioned to think, okay, there is work and then there is not-work; being a weather girl is work, so that should look like work. And work means: Straight men do not find anything appealing, or rather, they find appealing what they are damn well told to find appealing.

Gaal Noemi Because men are danger. Not sexy danger, but intolerable danger — unless they are absolutely, positively, completely controlled in every possible way.

“Mighty Mayte” Carranco, on the other hand, doesn’t need an elaborate culture-protocol setup in order for male viewers to find her appealing. She just is. I’m sure some in our fair country, especially the loud opinionated types, will find that tacky. Maybe that is the case…I have no objection to people pointing out things that are simply true, even if they’re matters of subjective taste, and maybe more than a few trace amounts of plain old-fashioned jealousy. My question is, since when do matters of tack and taste get in the way of marketing? It’s a bit odd that such a circuit breaker is tripped only here, isn’t it? Think about cases in the United States where “give the people what they want” emerges victorious over matters of propriety and decorum. It’s practically become our national symbol, seems pointless to even get the list started. Been a national embarrassment for quite some time. When it comes to men looking at beautiful women on television, somehow it has to work the other way.

Once again, men are intolerably dangerous unless completely controlled in every way they possibly can be. If we’ve gone so far down this road that men can be ordered to find a pantsuit-harridan as attractive as Sugey Abrego, I’m of the opinion that it doesn’t matter anymore if this is a good road or a bad road, we’ve passed a point of something, beyond which further travel isn’t going to do us any good. We should turn back. Telling men what they’re supposed to want to watch? How can that be a good idea?

This is a bigger thing than boobs sticking out, or skirts being shorter. I believe, with people and institutions, the natural shape of trajectories over time is the parabola; what goes up, must come down. The United States of America is great, as few things in world history have ever been, because it has defied this for so long. And my optimism here is boundless, I think America has what it takes to defy this “gravity” forever and ever. But it’s not happening, that’s the real problem being called out here. Organizations have a certain “feel” to them when they’ve lost that edge, when they’ve reached the apex and start plummeting earthward again. And this is what it looks like, that notion of “the customer is always wrong.” That sentence I typed in up top, that a world competition would run more efficiently and quickly with the results unaltered, if the U. S. of A. was simply cut from the running — that should never be true. Of anything. Ever.

And it’s true twice, with weather girls and beer.

Like I said, my optimism knows no limits. The downward trajectory can be reversed. We’re still way up there, after all. We can stay head and shoulders above the rest. Across the board.

But not the way things are going. We are a mighty mansion with a proud history, whose best days are still ahead of her. But not if we ignore the termite infestation and dry rot that have set in. Men aren’t watching weather reports here like they do in other countries, because they have no reason to.

And it’s true twice, with weather girls and beer.

NOT true when it comes to beer. The craft beer explosion has produced some damned fine beer here at home; I can’t remember the last time I bought any imported beer, but I THINK it was sometime in 2011. Name your niche… whether it’s pilsner, stout, porter, IPA or any other flavor of ale, yadda, yadda… and you (especially YOU, living in a Big City) can find eleventy-six EXCELLENT American versions.

Retract, sir… retract. 🙂
- bpenni | 01/13/2013 @ 12:05
Ah, you’re right on time.

Name some specific brands, and I will be happy to sample them forthwith. But stay away from the sweet stuff if you’re trying to impress moi.
- mkfreeberg | 01/13/2013 @ 13:44
In your neck o’ the woods: Anchor Brewing, out o’ SFO (Anchor Steam is renowned), and pretty much anything from Sierra Nevada, Rogue Brewery, and Henry Weinhard. If you want more CALIFORNIA beers, there’s this list. Get anything labeled “IPA” if you want to stay away from “sweet.”

You have your assignment; get back to me next week.
- bpenni | 01/13/2013 @ 15:11
Weather Girls?
I thought SOMEBODY decided that all persons reading from a telepromptor and pointing at a blue screen were heretofore be entitled to the title Meteoroligist.

Kinda like all folks who’ve spent US$800-1000 on bartending “school”, only to
pour shots, decrown beer bottles, and sanitize beer mugs, were to be known as Mixologists.

Somewhere along there, clerks bacame Account Associates, and customers became Clients.
Yet lecturns have ignorantly become demoted to podia.
- CaptDMO | 01/13/2013 @ 22:07
And then there’s Stone Brewing in Escondido, home of Arrogant Bastard Ale, one of my personal favorites, but pretty much anything from them should be good.
- Rich Fader | 01/13/2013 @ 22:26

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Weather GirlsSunday, January 13th, 2013

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Sunday, January 13th, 2013