House of Eratosthenes

Got an offline from blogsister Daphne who seeks to commiserate with me about the ongoing pussification of men vis a vis this year’s Super Bowl commercial. We-ll…here’s how the entire day went.

Coffee.

Breakfast.

Compare notes on homework the kid’s supposed to do.

Football Fail Half-assed effort unloading the dishwasher.

Nap.

Change light bulb in bathroom.

Clean off beer bottles from the outdoor balcony table.

Walk to Starbuck’s to get Sunday paper.

Laundry.

Haircut.

Watch re-runs of Tales From the Dark Side with girlfriend.

Watch re-runs of X-Files with girlfriend.

You can read between the lines…yeah…I don’t give two shits about football.

But we here are very concerned about the ongoing vaginization of America. And we know every year’s serving-up of Super Bowl commercials tells us something new. And from our blogsister’s warning, it would seem the something-new this year is not terribly good. So what’s the worst you’ve seen?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Daph was probably going on about that LAME-ass Dodge ad that has 20+ seconds of a dude caving in every possible way, only to end with the dude saying “This is why I drive what I want” with some bad-ass looking black Dodge ripping up the asphalt. I retched. And there were more, of course, but that was the worst. I hope Dodge sales plummet simply for the insult to men everywhere.
- bpenni | 02/07/2010 @ 20:15
This is the one of which I speak. Yech.
- bpenni | 02/07/2010 @ 20:46
Holy shit. Yeah. This obviously appeals to a whole lot of lost souls out there, like there’s some romantic attachment to “last stand.”

Someone forgot to tell ’em the phrase means you’re about to get your ass kicked.
- mkfreeberg | 02/07/2010 @ 21:36
but it’s OK to denigrate men. It’s not like they are a protected minority or anything.
- pdwalker | 02/07/2010 @ 23:28
Apparently I didn’t miss out anything special considering we don’t get the American commercials up here in Canada during Superbowl.
- KC | 02/08/2010 @ 08:21
Man, that commercial made me want to puke. You can’t be a man in your car and be a pussy outside it.

I think that they mixed up responsibilities with pussification also. Walking your dog is part of taking care of an animal that is dependent on you for it’s life. If they popped in a shot of some purse dog, that might have been more effective.

Also: sitting through meetings = easy money. Boring: yes, demanding: no.
- HoundOfDoom | 02/08/2010 @ 10:09
The “Green Police” Audi commercial, though I think it was supposed to be funny, ended up being creepy to me because it’s just a tad too close to the truth.
- philmon | 02/08/2010 @ 15:50
That picture is foul, Morgan. It almost ruined my cocktail hour.

The dodge commercial was bad, so was the shopping guy who needed a tv phone, the soap guy, the hordes of men in underwear, the census bullshit and nearly all of the bud commercials.

Phil’s right though, the worst was that audi ad. Scarily enough, it’s already true in England.

I was a little peeved that they seemed to have edited the pro-life commercial. It sounded innocuous enough in the previews, what the heck was so offensive?
- Daphne | 02/08/2010 @ 16:03
BTW – I’m glad to see I wasn’t the only person who found those ads revolting and dismissive of men.
- Daphne | 02/08/2010 @ 16:04
Hell, I just poured 4 more fingers of bourbon and plowed through it. Focus, Daphne. 😉

Did they actually edit the Tebow commercial? I’d be interested to know.

Otherwise, the Margaret Sangers of the world look REALLY petty right along about now.
- philmon | 02/08/2010 @ 16:08
I saw a script of the Tebow ad last week that was mild, but talked about her illness and the choice she made at the time of her pregnancy. So, I’m assuming the ad was edited.

This is one of those subjects I get touchy about for a couple of reasons. Mostly because I firmly believe the professional pro-choice crowd cares nothing about choice, these women like abortion as the answer for many competing ideological reasons.

My second reason is twofold and personal. My middle son was diagnosed, in the womb, as a Downs baby. The amnio was inconclusive, but he had a bump on the back of his neck and according to the lore of scientific medical knowledge, that was highly indicative of Downs Syndrome. He’ll be eleven this month and back then most doctors and hospitals didn’t have 3D sonogram imaging, so we drove an hour and a half to a hospital that had the advanced imaging equipment. They confirmed the bump, then we saw his beautiful face.

It didn’t matter if he had Downs or three heads at that point, honestly it didn’t matter before, we just wanted to know what we might be in for with this boy, but to see his nose, smile, eyes, the turn of his head as he settled back into sleep. My child was coming home in a few months time.

He did and my Sam was just invited to join the Duke University mentoring program for gifted students. There isn’t one thing wrong with this child, never was. The standard medical opinion was wrong.

My sister in law recently aborted her second child because the doctors saw a bump on the back of his neck, the amnio was inconclusive. She said she couldn’t deal, I said they could be wrong, she told me to fuck off. I don’t like her very much.

I had an abortion. It was the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. I was wide awake for the procedure (as we all were back then, only a local, honey) and I am quite sure I will burn in hell when I die for killing that child. He would be 30 this June.

Feel free to erase this Morgan. I know it’s way off topic. I should probably give it a thorough going over on my blog someday.
- Daphne | 02/08/2010 @ 17:09
The Audi …yeah, it actually was pretty funny. I hope it was trying to be. Kinda tough to tell.
- mkfreeberg | 02/08/2010 @ 21:05
The God I know does deal in repentance, Daphne.

I think you’ll be fine.
- philmon | 02/08/2010 @ 21:20
I thought for a minute that the Audi ad was an Al Gore PSA. Considering where Britain is, it took me a second to realize that it was supposed to be a parody.
- Physics Geek | 02/09/2010 @ 06:43
I think that the Tebow ad said everything it needed to. On Friday’s Focus on the Family, Jim Daly said they had “a surprise” that would happen during the Super Bowl. I think this was terribly shrewd; put together an ad, let the loonies prattle on about it, basically telling the Tebow’s story in the process. Then, they ran that harmless, funny ad, which makes the other side look like even bigger idiots.

Daphne – ditto what Phil said. A few weeks ago, FOTF ran a two-part interview with someone who used to run a Planned Parenthood clinic, but left when she saw an ultrasound abortion. If you’ve got 56 minutes, maybe her story can help you too; here are links to Part 1 and Part 2.
- Daniel | 02/09/2010 @ 08:03
You’re right, Daniel. If that was the plan all along, it was very shrewd and I applaud it. Dangle the bait, let the sharks go crazy so everybody knows what the ad is for before they ever see it. Then you don’t even have to mention it in the ad. On game day, show the fluffy bunny of an ad that really says NOTHING but “I almost lost him” and the “Celebrate Family, Celebrate Life” slogan… and a link to the website….

and blink doe-eyed into the camera and ask, “What?”

Anybody else think Tebow’s mom looks a little bit like Mary Steenburgen (who I happen to think is a pretty cute lady, for the record)?
- philmon | 02/09/2010 @ 08:15
If someone took the Green Police commercial (which I thought was great right up until the payoff), then replaced the Audi with the Charger from the Dodge commercial, and said something like “Hemi don’t do green, sissies,” we would be in business. Maybe even throw in Tebow being born in the back seat of the Dodge.
- Andy | 02/09/2010 @ 08:42
Yeah I hadn’t thought of that. But even when I checked out the Charger ad for the very first time, I still had to offer some grudging respect to Dodge’s ad agency for those final moments when the product was shown. They really got their money’s worth out of the sound department. Still on Buck’s side, it’s a grievous insult to manhood and humanity in general, bordering on unforgivable, but I can see why people like it.

So my million dollar question is: They weren’t so boneheaded as to position the Dodge & Green-Audi commercials side-by-side, were they? Someone say yes or no please…because that would be completely freakin’ delicious if that were the case. “Man’s last stand” followed immediately by — alright pal, it’s off to the hoosegow with you, you made use of that last stand square inch of ground we left for you.
- mkfreeberg | 02/09/2010 @ 09:37
There’s another take, too, and it more closely resembles my initial take on the Dodge ad: No big deal. It spends the first part of the commercial listing off all these less than ideal situations, but those are all things that we men have done at some point, and will likely do again. Even if not those specific situations, then others where we suck it up through a generally unpleasant experience, not because of these evil women who hate the sight of a man with a spine, but because sometimes we happen to be standing next to the women we love while they are doing something that women do, and men can’t stand. If we asked, we might just find out that our women do that for us every now and again, too.

As a man, if my definition of the best possible relationship is one with a woman who never asks me to do something that I might not enjoy, then I am simple, shallow, and will be an intolerable spouse for any woman with a shred of self-respect.

So the ad folks have 30 seconds to portray this message of “I hold your purse while you shop for hours, so to hell with a minivan, I’m getting a HEMI,” and they make the contrast as stark as they can in the limited time allotted. All around not so bad in my book.
- Andy | 02/09/2010 @ 10:16
Yeah, now let me pour some cold water all over that for a second.

Like a lot of men, I happen to be living precisely the kind of life you just described. My better half works a day five hours longer than mine, and she comes in, sets down big bags of groceries, leans over the back of the couch to kiss me with her lips that are ice cold from doing all kinds of errands on the way home, then hustles into the kitchen to cook us all a nice dinner. Which is ready inside of twenty minutes and tastes like it took a gourmet chef all day. So you’re goddamn right I watch X-Files and Monk reruns ad nauseum without a peep of protest.

I searched this ad for any hint of this kind of sentiment, and my search was utterly futile. What I came away with, is that the company of a wonderful woman, about whom they care deeply, is not the reward that offsets this drudgery. No, it’s the damn car. I wasn’t under the impression it was about household resources going off in several directions, and since everything else is decided the “Hello Kitty” way, this is the one thing in the entire existence that’s not large, comfortable, harmless, round purple and cute. The message I got was that this was the one thing in that existence that is tolerable, which is quite a different message. It came through loud and clear that this is a story of a couple, and if the couple ever did take the time to reconcile where their goals are and where their lives are headed, then that reconciliation somehow become obsolete a long time ago, and the vehicle is the one thing in the picture that stops the guy from picking up a high powered rifle and going into the office to take care of business Charles Whitman style.

Maybe I just read too much into it.
- mkfreeberg | 02/09/2010 @ 10:50
I’m going with yes, you read too much into it. You know how you can’t have an advertisement with a woman holding a vacuum cleaner without feminists going batshit about it? Yeah, it’s like that.

Now, if you do have that relationship where your girlfriend does everything, wants to do everything, and then thanks you for doing nothing, swell for you. I’m sure there’s no part of her that resents that at all.
- Andy | 02/09/2010 @ 11:20
Hell I hold her purse if she needs me to. I volunteer to, if she needs help.

I do have a “man hold” for the purse, I noticed last time I did it. Made me laugh. I took her purse from her, and realized I was holding it with the strap crumpled up in my hand, slightly away from my body … kind of like one might hold a rambuctious dog on a short leash 😉 “The Man Hold”. I should make a diagram.

It helps that her purse isn’t particularly feminine, I suppose. Made out of parchute material. Probably from a 101st Airborne Parachute 😉

We have a bit more equal relationship, and I’m good with that. And I drive a Ford Escort. Because it goes when I push the gas and stops when I hit the brakes and turns when I turn the wheel … and it was inexpensive and gets good gas mileage.

But I drink when I wanna drink, I smoke a cigar when I wanna smoke a cigar, and say “no” when I wanna say “no” …. and carry a loaded weapon with me.
- philmon | 02/09/2010 @ 11:32
We also know that you wear spandex, phil. Grain of salt, buddy. 🙂

I love the man hold thing. I have it, too, with most anything. Like a bag of takeout food at lunchtime. If I don’t do that “wad up both handles and crush them in my fist” carry, I FEEL like I am carrying a purse, and that just won’t do.
- Andy | 02/09/2010 @ 11:40
I look damn good in the spandex, too 🙂
- philmon | 02/09/2010 @ 11:41
I do carry my camera case over my shoulder. Because… it’s my camera case. F*ck no, this isn’t a purse! It’s my damned camera case. You dolt!

My camera is my baby 🙂 Well one of them. The other is my guitar. But I’m better with the camera than I am with the guitar.
- philmon | 02/09/2010 @ 11:57

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Vaginization of the Super BowlSunday, February 7th, 2010

Vaginization of the Super Bowl
Sunday, February 7th, 2010