House of Eratosthenes

Nobody ever reads this blog, but if someone does trip across it I hope they appreciate what it is they found. After all, you can only get so stupid before you can’t reasonably be expected to write anything, therefore, there’s a certain threshold of stupidity where you’ll be lucky to find anything written by anyone that stupid.

I’m beneath that threshold. Well beneath it.

I know this is the case, because I’m told so, often, by the anti-war crowd. Furthermore, I know it to be true, because I know most stupid people at least understand why they are stupid, whereas I’m still trying to figure out the defining characteristics of my own stupidity. I am FAR beneath stupid. If I stand on my tippy toes and reach way up, I can almost touch the toenails of other stupid people on the Stupid Chart.

For example, there is Ann Coulter. In response to her barbed comment, “I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am,” CNN has decided to conduct a QuickVote poll. Why is it that the University of Connecticut students are thought, by Coulter, to be stupider than she is? Well, to my stupid mind, it might very well have something to do with the fact that they booed her speech, heckling her to the point that she had to cancel and hold a question-and-answer session instead. You know, maybe this is the evidence for which I’m looking that supports my own stupidity — because I’m ready to sign on to what Coulter said. There is a quote attributed to Napoleon that address this situation, “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake”; to me, that just makes good sense. It seems stupid to do this interrupting, which is exactly what the students did. Maybe Napoleon was stupid too.

Well, in CNN-World, we know this must be true, because — why else? — the poll says so. The poll! As of this writing, 63% of respondents say Coulter is stupider, compared with 37% saying the students are stupid. My stupid mind is a little confused as to what to make of this situation, where stupid people are confident enough to let the other side speak and actually respond to what they have to say, whereas intellectual giants apparently have to boo and hiss to make sure their antagonists are never allowed to get a word in edgewise. For anyone who still requires more evidence of how stupid I am, I freely confess that the soapbox-hogging never looked that brilliant or clever to me. Oh, maybe I should go to the Land of Oz and get a brain, so I can start to untangle this.

I do have something in my collection of stupid books, that I have stupidly been accumulating. It took my stupid brain only a few minutes to remember where I’d seen it, and after my stupid fingers flipped through the pages a few minutes more I managed to find it on page 121:

If liberals were prevented from ever calling Republicans dumb, they would be robbed of half their arguments…the loss of “dumb” would nearly cripple them. Like clockwork, every consequential Republican to come down the pike is instantly, invariably, always, without exception called “dumb.” This is how six-year-olds argue: They call everything “stupid.” The left’s primary argument is the angry reaction of a helpless child deprived of the ability to mount logical counterarguments…the “you’re stupid” riposte is part of the larger liberal tactic of refusing to engage ideas. Sometimes they evaporate in the middle of an argument and you’re left standing alone, arguing with yourself. More often, liberals withdraw figuratively by responding with ludicrous and irrelevant personal attacks.

Now, I’d love to proclaim that I’m “learning” something and getting “smarter” by insisting that the above doesn’t make any sense to me. But I’d be lying. It matches my personal experience like a hand fitting into a glove. But I read it in a book, something stupid people aren’t supposed to be able to do, so how can this be? Oh, I get it, my stupid eyes neglected to take note of the cover, which I notice is titled “Slander: Liberal Lies about the American Right, by Ann Coulter.” Noted, documented stupid person, voted that way by two-thirds of respondents to CNN’s poll (no dummies there!).

Joining Napoleon, Annie and me at the Stupid Table, I guess, is Larry Elder who began a correspondence with his intellectual superior. It took Elder just two written exchanges before he earned the following retort:

At first, I really thought I was dealing with an intellectual equal when our chats began. You have disappointed me.

And here is the most thundering, incandescent proclamation of my stupidity to date: I have scanned the passages of what Elder wrote to provoke such a reaction, scanned again, and scanned yet again. Suffice it to say Larry Elder is still fooling me, because I lack the mental acumen to get past the illusion and comprehend the full magnitude of his stupidity. In fact, I read the entire exchange, and I can’t even find any evidence of anything stupid. It appears, to my stupid mind, to be a textbook case of being given a “factoid,” and properly questioning the source from whence it came.

Dear Mr. Elder: … How you can support an illegal war waged specifically to line the pockets of rich American Republicans, a war that has killed at least a half a million innocent Iraqis and now well over 2,000 volunteer soldiers, and has made us the most hated people in the world, is beyond my comprehension. I travel the world extensively, and let me tell you that the U.S.A. is completely out of step with the rest of the planet Earth. …

Sincerely,

‘Sarah,’ retired public school administrator and university professor

Dear Sarah,

Please tell me, do you have a source for your statement about the death of ‘at least a half a million innocent Iraqis’? …

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Larry

My stupid mind is currently working on a theory. Since I’m such a raging idiot, it’s unlikely that there is anything to the theory, but hey even a stopped clock is right twice a day, so I figure it’s worth pondering. I think this threshold of stupidity is moving. After all, like I said, it is a good distance over my head, being so well established as it is, that I’m so incredibly stupid and everything. But with the passage of time, I notice this development where if you simply question the “facts” you are given, you are now stupid.

Conversely, you can base opinions on facts, and then when you are questioned about the source of those facts you simply base them on other opinions — this somehow makes you an intellectual superior.

Well. Maybe if my fat stupid head is patient enough, someone will come along and explain it so my stupid brain can comprehend it.

Update: Just for kicks, I linked to this post on FARK. If you have a TOTALFARK membership, you can view the ensuing thread Here. If you don’t, but would like a summary, I’ll just say most of the participants agreed that what I had to say, was, well…stupid.

[…] Perhaps it is a lack of ammunition that is the liberals’ problem. As Ann Coulter said, If liberals were prevented from ever calling Republicans dumb, they would be robbed of half their […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 11/10/2009 @ 07:27
[…] Perhaps it is a lack of ammunition that is the liberals’ problem. As Ann Coulter said, If liberals were prevented from ever calling Republicans dumb, they would be robbed of half their […]
- Cassy Fiano » D’JEver Notice? XLVII | 11/10/2009 @ 07:34

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Stupid Is as Stupid DoesFriday, December 9th, 2005

Stupid Is as Stupid Does
Friday, December 9th, 2005