House of Eratosthenes

I was chasing through Melissa Clouthier’s archives for something else entirely unrelated, and I stumbled across a beauty from a couple weeks ago that I’d somehow missed.

Wish my Mom saw it when she was alive. I think her business stayed afloat for a few more years because she understood, without anyone pointing it out, that she had this problem…she was a tough nut. But have it she did. I’ve often wondered how a business works when the principal has sailed headlong over this cliff, as opposed to simply teetering on it like she was. Ouch.

Over-Pleaser’s Syndrome (OPS): An entrepreneur’s compulsive and/or excessive need to please, often to the detriment of the business. The syndrome overwhelmingly strikes women and leads to weaker bottom lines, withering work schedules and advanced No-Life Disorder.

One of my business-coaching clients read last month’s column, “Please Everyone–and Watch Your Business Fail” and, after carefully considering my five-point evaluation for identifying OPS, realized that she is a chronic over-pleaser. And her business and her life are suffering as a result of the things she’s doing:

1. She often completes her employees’ work on weekends.

2. She mothers staffers through personal trials.

3. She pays some staffers more than they produce.

4. “Worst of all, a couple of my employees make more money than I do,” she says. “OPS is slowly, insidiously ruining what I’d spent years building.”

Then she said something really alarming. She told me she was determined to end her pleasing ways “by reconnecting with my inner bitch.”

Whoa, not so fast, I told her. Recovery has nothing to do with nastiness, but everything to do with making clear to staffers what it takes for them to be successful–as a hired employee in your business.

See that? Go too far in one direction, you need correcting; go too far in the other — you still need correcting. Moderation. It’s that stuff we usually say we want? The drawback is, it requires a little bit deeper thinking.

The lady discussed in the preamble may be beyond all hope. She seems to be using her business to showcase certain aspects of her personality, to manipulate people into believing she has some attributes she doesn’t want hidden. I’ve found that generally, people who are accustomed to putting these personality attributes on display, don’t change overnight.

Based on what I’ve seen over the years, these items make plenty good sense. I have more than a few stories to tell about the folks who ignored them with the best of intentions, and the carnage that ensued. Do click the link above, though — I’m only taking first-sentence summaries of each bullet:

1. Your employees should know the rules.
2. Establish measures and consequences.
3. Don’t chase employees around the office for updates.
4. You’re a business, not a shelter. Set boundaries.
5. Get to the bottom of your own enabling behaviors.
6. Let your employees know what it costs to retain them.
7. Make a better plan.

This ties in, I think, with my frustrations with the school system which I can fairly summarize as — perform adequately to standards academically but don’t integrate socially, we’ve got a big problem…integrate socially but don’t perform to standards, that’s more-or-less OK.

No, women aren’t particularly business-stupid. Really. How many men know something about running a business? Our gals are doing just fine. The problem is androgynous; it’s the people. Our generation has been indoctrinated from childhood to think, anytime we congregate for business or for anything else, the congregatin’ comes first. Being together and interacting socially is the point.

The problem is exacerbated by the difficulty encountered in making the distinction that really matters. Customers should be made happy they’ve made the acquaintance of the business. There should be a difference between the circumstances as they are left when the transaction has been concluded, and the circumstances that would’ve existed had the transaction not been engaged, and the difference should be a positive one. When people adopt this business goal as their own, personally, problems ensue. You’d really be screwed if it wasn’t for me because I just did all your work for you — not healthy. Or, dear boss, if the day ever comes you have to cut me or cut that other fellow, you’d better make sure it’s him because I’m doing all the work around here. That’s not healthy either.

You’ll find within that list the sage advice “If your business cannot sustain you and your employees, you have hired either too early or ineffectively…A new employee should mean more money, not less, for a business owner.” That seems to me to be an effective lodestar. A job is a task. Too many people see it as a ticket to a rock concert, or something; property held by the fellow who happens to have the job. Once you’re there, you do work if you feel like it, or socialize instead if that’s your personality, but what’s really expected out of you is to conduct yourself in such a way that you’ll be invited back in next time. So harmonizing with the social rhythm can indeed effectively replace work.

Ever been on the other side of it — ever patronize a business and then watch in frustration as you’re engulfed in salesmen, shift supervisors, waitresses, contractors, et al, who seem to think their primary mission is to make others happy to have ’em around and not to get work done? That’s more of the same. Too much pleasing. Not enough doing.

Well, if we have that kind of emphasis in education and other events when our children are young, and we make a success out of communicating this message to ’em, I don’t really see where we have a place to complain. Children remember things as they grow up, and this is how their personalities are formed.

Of course, with our new Hopey-Changey President God-Man in charge, I would expect this problem to get much worse before it gets better. We lately seem to have respect for hard work and real achievement, only when our imminent lot-in-life somehow depends on it. Otherwise it’s all iPods, dogs-in-purses and sweet coffee drinks with unpronounceable names.

Another great post.
- wch | 11/20/2008 @ 23:42

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Over-Pleasers SyndromeThursday, November 20th, 2008

Over-Pleasers Syndrome
Thursday, November 20th, 2008