House of Eratosthenes

…your tallywacker. One gathers the impression the phrase “that is, his ties to you” was a complete afterthought, kind of tacked on to the end only when the columnist considered possible liability issues involved…up until then, the confusion most likely to result, would’ve suited her just fine. Not a fan of photographed dingalings, that Ellie, nosiree.

Emailing pictures of penis a sign of immaturity

Ellie

Q: My boyfriend of two years can’t stop chatting with women on the Internet. I’ve confronted him but he just keeps doing it even though I’ve told him how it makes me feel.

I know it’s wrong that check his MSN, but I can’t help it. He’s continually talking to one woman from his past and I found him sending pictures of his penis to her after we got together!

I want to tell him I know he’s still chatting with her but it hurts so much that even though I think it’s just Internet b.s., it really bothers me!

What to Do?

A: Cut him off – that is, his ties to you. You’ve tolerated his disrespect and immaturity too long. Penis pictures are not “bull.” They’re evidence of a childish guy who hasn’t any sense to know how stupid his behaviour reveals him to be. He’s crude and has nothing better to offer women – especially not to you. He’s showing no concern about your feelings or humiliation.

Dump him.

Acts of immaturity aside, I saw very little difference between the actions of the less-than-considerate boyfriend, and those of the less-than-considerate girlfriend described in the second letter. One might argue the possibility exists, hardly a peripheral one in terms of potential, that the situations might be identical. But oh boy, was the tone of the advice ever different.

Q: My girlfriend’s been acting cold to me. She’s very busy with school and projects. Whenever I see her, I insist on carrying her heavy bag sometimes and offer her hot drinks when it’s cold. She always rejects my offers.

Phone calls have been on the decline, probably because of strict parents on both sides.

However, I learned that she was talking to other boys. She acknowledged it and I then felt really sad. Our goodbyes were always the sweetest parts of our conversations, with promises to see each other the next day.

I couldn’t help but feel something was wrong when she said her mother was screaming and she had to go. She avoided me in school the next day.

I’ve discovered through others that she was feeling possessed by me and that I wasn’t giving her enough room to breathe. Yet we’d made a promise that we’d tell one another if we had any problems with each other.

I’ve sent her an email apologizing. No reply. I want to kill myself.

Shattered Heart

A: There are people who care about you far too much to lose you – Number 1 and 2 are your parents whose strictness comes from love and wanting to protect you from emotional involvements too intense for you to handle at this age.

You’ve put all your self-esteem into this young relationship, instead of realizing that you’ve got a lot to offer personally, and a full future ahead. Recognize that this girlfriend, though she may have been fine in the early stages, represents just the start of learning about relationships and how to handle them.

Your initial sadness is understandable because every relationship has its value, and both of you were sincere at the start. Yet, you both had to know it was unlikely to be a lasting union, given your age and stage in life.

Do not let depression take hold. Call your local distress centre listed in then Yellow Pages. Experienced people are available 24/7 and accustomed to talking to people who feel despondent. They can refer you to ongoing help and give you hope to go on.

If possible, talk to your parents or a trusted relative or community member for a perspective on all the good things ahead.

Advice columnists, in general, are truly amazing creatures. In terms of people who ought to be getting attention, they rank somewhere around that guy who keeps sending you e-mails because his boss/father/client died and he needs your checking account to transfer some money.

I have to disagree with you on this one.

In the first case, the guy is taking photos of his penis. I mean what else could you possibly say to the woman? It’s kind of funny, but I sure as heck wouldn’t want my daughter dating a guy like that. I would tell her the same thing, he’s a loser drop him.

The second one it’s obviously a kid in his first relationship. He says “I want to kill myself.” Drop the phone nothing else matters tell this kid to talk to his parents, call a hotline. Spot on in my opinion.
- Allen L | 01/16/2008 @ 14:47
Well, your ideas are reasonable, and I’m not entirely sure we disagree. We know the guy is a creep, or at the very least, is an inconsiderate lout. We know it isn’t cool with the girlfriend, we don’t know if it’s alright with the lady receiving the photos.

Regarding the second letter, if “Ellie” took those words at face value and gave the young man a stern lecture that he was choosing the wrong forum, then I’d agree. That’s not quite what she’s doing. We can dismiss any idea that there’s a gray area about his intentions; the boy’s serious about this, or else he isn’t. If he is, she shouldn’t even be dispensing these words of wisdom — let someone else take it, one-on-one. Advice columns aren’t right for this guy.

We do not know the character of the object of his affection. I’d agree with you that “Ellie” is correct in leaving that one alone; if that is the case, though, then why does this not apply to the first letter? Why are we so quick, once we’re convinced someone is in a relationship that is bad for them, to sow the seeds of scorn and hatred toward the object of unrequited attention — only if the victim is female and the object is male? What is up with this knee-jerk impulse we have? Do females not nuture sufficient negative energy toward males, in general, just yet?

Advice columns are things that, if I were granted monarchal power for a day, I’d ban in a heartbeat. They’re notorious for failing to “bow out” in situations where they’re just not right for the complexity of the issue being discussed, and they’re inherently anti-male. I agree with you that it’s hard to find fault with the actions she’s recommending, but as far as the inferences she’s drawn she’s being less than balanced, or responsible.
- mkfreeberg | 01/16/2008 @ 15:42
I just don’t see these two as being comparable. The fact that she received the letter in the second one, is in and of itself sufficient cause for her to chime in and say to the boy talk to someone.

In the first one, yeah she should have heaped some of the same thing on the woman. My other comment would have been to the woman, “you mean him sending pictures of his penis to another woman is not a deal breaker for you? You really need to work on your on maturity and guy selection skills.
- Allen L | 01/16/2008 @ 18:37

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Never, Ever Send Ellie Pictures of…Wednesday, January 16th, 2008

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Wednesday, January 16th, 2008