Alarming News: I like Morgan Freeberg. A lot.
Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler: We were following a trackback and thinking "hmmm... this is a bloody excellent post!", and then we realized that it was just part III of, well, three...Damn. I wish I'd written those.
Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler: ...I just remembered that I found a new blog a short while ago, House of Eratosthenes, that I really like. I like his common sense approach and his curiosity when it comes to why people believe what they believe rather than just what they believe.
Brutally Honest: Morgan Freeberg is an intriguing guy...[he] asks great questions and answers others with style, flair, reason and wit. On the blogroll he goes. Make him a part of your regular blogospheric reading. I certainly will.
Brutally Honest: Morgan Freeberg is brilliant.
Common Sense Junction: Misha @ Anti-Idiotarian never ceases to amaze me. He keeps finding other good blogs. I went over to A.I. this morning for my daily Misha fix and he had found this guy named Morgan Freeberg in Fair Oaks, California, that has a blog, House of Eratosthenes. Freeberg says its "The Blog That Nobody Reads" but it may now become the blog that everybody reads.
Jaded Haven: Good God, Morgan, you cover a topic from front to back with a screwy thoroughness I find mind boggling. I'm in awe of your thought proccesses, my friend, you're an exceptional talent. You start by throwing in the kitchen sink, tie in someone's syphilitic uncle, bend around a rip tide of brilliance and bring it all home in a neat, diamond dripping package of an exceptionally readable moment of damn fine wordsmithing. I love reading you.
Mein Blogovault: Make "the Blog that No One Reads" one of your daily reads.
Philmon: When Morgan meanders, stick with him - he's got a point and it'll be worth it in the end. He's not a hit-and-run snarky quip kind of guy. The pieces all fall into place like tumblers in a lock and bang! He's opened a cognative door for you.
Rightlinx: Morgan at House of Eratosthenes is one of the best writers out there. I read him nearly every day because he manages to provide an interesting perspective, even though I don't always agree.
Poetic Justice: Cletus! Ah gots a laiv one fer yew...
Interesting. I know what this fellow’s trying to say, but what he spouted out during this interview contradicts itself. Directly. What a shame.
I think a woman’s first instinct when seeing the cover of your book is, ” Why do I have to prevent this? Why doesn’t he just not cheat?”
Gary Neuman: There is clearly no blame on the woman if he’s cheated. She’s not responsible for stopping him. However, the fact that you’re not responsible does not mean that you don’t want to take an active role in your relationship to bring out the best in your husband, as he should for you…a lot of men are essentially good people. They make mistakes, but that’s not who they are. So a lot of women are married to men who are good but that does not mean they are not susceptible to ultimately cheating.
What did you find was the No. 1 reason men cheat?
…when the results came in [from my study] only 8 percent of cheaters said that sexual dissatisfaction was a primary contributor [in cheating] and only 12 percent said the mistress was better looking or in better shape than their wives. It really started to show a completely different pattern than what most expect. In fact, the majority—48 percent—said that the cheating was about an emotional disconnection.
What was causing this emotional disconnection?
The No. 1 reason was feeling underappreciated. It was a lack of thoughtful and kind gestures. What I found is that men are far more insecure than they let on, and they do want to please their wives and feel valued. They like to win and as long as they are winning with their wife then they stay in the game. It is feeling underappreciated and like they can’t win—and maybe they do things that make it hard for her to appreciate him—that usually leads them into dangerous waters. Appreciation is what they first and foremost get from the mistress. [emphasis (bold within Mr. Neuman’s comments) mine]
I have been accused of taking a black and white view on this, and I’m probably guilty, willfully so. To me, “good people” just don’t cheat, period. I think people do before they are, so in my world when Mr. Neuman says “they make mistakes, but that’s not who they are” he’s just babbling so much nonsense. People are what they do.
Also, if the woman is not to blame, there’s nothing she can do to stop it. Neuman got it right the first time, missed it on the second. You want to change something that’s wrong, the first thing you do is find a way to make it your fault. Now, why a woman would want to go through this, with regard to a man who doesn’t have the strength of character to stay faithful to her — I dunno. But it speaks volumes, to me, that nearly half the men ‘fessed up that their cheating was because of an emotional disconnection, a lack of appreciation. I wonder how many better men are bearing such a burden in silence, without engaging in this kind of betrayal.
It’s peculiar what kind of tortured logic we’ll pursue, and to what kind of lengths we will go, to avoid telling females they’re doing something wrong. I mean that, without regard to whether they’re decent wives or not, or whether they have decent husbands or not. Even if both husband and wife are faithful people with strong characters and aren’t going to engage in any of these shenanigans…if she’s starting to treat him a little bit like an accessory, or like a beast of burden, to the point where he’s occasionally unhappy with it, she could be doing things better. What’s wrong with simply saying this? You can point this out without rationalizing the behavior of cheating men, or lending support to what they’ve done. It’s not that fine of a hair to slice.
I’ve been treated like a beast-o-burden by some women. I’ve been around other women who were ready and willing to do anything for me — women who were genuinely stuck in this stuff we call “love.” And I’ve been around some other women, if you can believe this, who did both (it’s quite possible…and those are the saddest stories I’d have to tell, were I inclined to go into details).
There’s just no two ways about it: If a man treats his woman with kindness and respect, he deserves the kind of relationship he’ll want to have front-and-center in his life all the time. Nowadays, that’s a rarity. And some of our weaker and less worthy men, have the indecency to occasionally lower their conduct to adapt to this, in ways that do not speak highly for their character. It doesn’t change the fact that for every man who’s motivated this way and acts it out, there are probably two or three more who are similarly motivated, and do not similarly act. And that’s a great, great pity. It is the plague upon the romantic terrain of our modern times.
Make it a genuine disgrace for a man to cheat on a woman, or for a woman to make the man want to…and you’ll solve probably nine out of every ten social issues we have, overnight. Things you probably never suspected were connected with this. Because our cultural protocols have always followed the females. When women are emotionally distant and unavailable, we all are. And then there’s nothing truly “wrong” with what anybody does. We’ll descend to any depth that happens to be convenient under the immediate circumstances, because there’s no reason not to.
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