House of Eratosthenes

A “wealth gap” hurts an economy, and greater equality among the classes helps it. We measure the economic health of a society by how great the population is within its “middle class.” Evolution is responsible for everything we see in all living things. Global warming is real; those leaked e-mails don’t mean nuthin’. You hear that? They don’t mean nuthin’! Nuthin’, nuthin’, nuthin’!

Saddam Hussein was a harmless teddy bear who never would have have hurt anybody if he were left alone. The Constitution applies to terrorists who’ve never been in this country. Kids are unharmed, or even helped, when they are adopted by two mommies or two daddies. Socialism isn’t all that bad. Tea parties are racist. Any supposed “conservative” who opposes gay rights must be gay himself.

Keynesian economic theory works.

The Eighth Amendment was intended to empower judges to make up new laws as they go along, to codify our “evolving standards of decency.” The Second Amendment, on the other hand, has outlived its usefulness and should be ignored. It never was intended to apply to the people in the first place.

Have you ever noticed this about those frequent occasions on which left-wing suppositions contradict common sense — the subject at hand is always something that offers great difficulty in being refuted or proven? By which I mean compellingly proven. To a mindset initially hostile to that which is being proven. You can open your copy of the Constitution and turn to where the Second Amendment says “the right of the people to keep and bear arms”…which ought to be good enough. But it isn’t of course. You have to wait hundreds of years to find out if the oceans are really going to disappear…you don’t really know if God built things, or if it was all evolution. No telling what would happen if we left Saddam where he was. I was just thinking about other things that can be absolutely, positively, indisputably proven — easily. Liberals never seem to want to take those on with their condescending, bullying tactics.

Shower I was just wondering what we’d see if that were to happen. So I made a little list. What if it was about…something immediately recognizable. Water being wet?

1. The clear and indisputable fact that water is wet, is found to have an obstructive effect — don’t ask me how, let’s just go with this, okay? — on some highly energized left-wing agenda item.
2. That same day, some darling intellectual attracts attention by announcing that, actually, water’s wetness has always been a myth.
3. Sarah Palin says water is wet, drawing from her experience helping out with Todd’s fishing business, and is promptly ridiculed all over the place for being an unsophisticated fish-gut covered crazy Eskimo whore.
4. Barack Obama delivers an inspiring speech, says water has never been wet, and manages to work in one of the “Let Me Be Clear,” two of the “Make No Mistake,” one of the “For Far Too Long We Have,” six “Uh”s and He manages to mention Himself an astonishing thirty-six times.
5. All kinds of Sunday morning pundits declare this latest one has got to be Obama’s BEST SPEECH EVAR!
6. Ann Coulter writes a column about Barack Obama’s speech. Several “conservatives” go on record saying they think the sarcastic comments were beneath Coulter’s stature, disrespectful of the office of President, and uncalled-for. Liberals make fun of her for being a skinny blond chick although some of them comment they wouldn’t kick her out of bed.
7. Glenn Beck goes on record saying water is wet.
8. Keith Olbermann says Glenn Beck is the worst person in the world.
9. With the issue becoming heated and controversial, the Reflecting Pool in the Washington Mall is drained.
10. Huffington Post publishes a column by some guy who surely must know what he’s talking about, being a Hollywood celebrity and all, stating that water is dry. His thesis proves this by denouncing people who’ve said it is wet and calling them all sorts of names pulled straight off the elementary school playground.
11. John McCain delivers a speech in the well of the Senate confirming that water is kinda wet and kinda dry.
12. A school teacher directs a class of children who, on their own of course, “wrote” a catchy song about water being dry and that anybody who says it is wet is quite stupid.
13. The New York Times publishes an unsigned editorial waxying lyrically on the dryness of water.
14. The United Nations passes a resolution that says water is dry. The Science Is Setted.
15. Meghan McCain tweets on her Twitter page that although she thinks the Republican party is just as cute as a button and she just wants to pick it up and give it a big hug and take it home — kisses! — it needs to be promptly ridded of all these ignorant rubes who think water is wet. Young people don’t like that.
16. Matthew Yglasias says water is dry. Hydrogen — DRY! Oxygen –DRY! Nothing else in there! Stupid conservatives!
17. TPMuckraker puts up a column that says water is dry.
18. Washington Post prints an editorial proving water is dry.
19. L.A. Times prints an editorial proving water is dry.
20. Fox News does an expose proving that water is wet.
21. PETA expresses outrage that Fox News’ segment the previous day was humiliating and unkind to the fishies.
22. Keith Olbermann says Fox News is the worst person in the world.
23. Some suicidal maniac shoots up a school or an army base or an IRS building, and several “news” organizations get ahold of some old writings of his, displayed on their web sites and then hurriedly pulled off after twenty minutes or so, implying that he was one of those deranged kooks who think water is wet.
24. Bill Clinton emerges from retirement to say water is dry, but that the really important thing is that we all learn to get along with each other.
25. DailyKOS puts up a post about water being dry, but most of it consists of disparaging comments made against people who think water is wet and how they also think dinosaurs walked the earth six thousand years ago.
26. Neil Cavuto does a segment asking if we’re making too much of a rush to judgment about water being dry?
27. Jon Stewart ridicules Neil Cavuto for ending too many of his statements with a question mark.
28. Keith Olbermann says Neil Cavuto is the worst person in the world.
29. Democratic Underground links to a story about some Republican who thinks water is wet, and within a few hours thousands of comments appear under it wishing death on him and his entire family. Nobody anywhere pays the slightest bit of attention to this.
30. Sean Hannity challenges liberals to take a shower before they go to work every morning, but not to bother drying off with a towel before getting dressed. Chris Matthews responds by (missing the point entirely) shouting, “No, you do it! You first!”
31. Keith Olbermann says Sean Hannity is the worst person in the world.
Wet Girl 32. Jimmy Carter emerges from retirement to say water is dry and the Israelis are killing innocent Palestinian children.
33. The Service Employees’ International Union (SEIU) takes the position that water is dry. Andy Stern, President of the Union, visits the White House five times in a single day to have some meetings about it.
34. Some prominent conservative commentator is forced to apologize for calling anti-war liberals a bunch of bed-wetting sissies, when it is thought (by no one willing to use their actual name) that he was making a side reference to this new hot controversial issue about pee being wet or dry. He apologizes two more times, and then his career is ended anyway.
35. Keith Olbermann says that conservative guy who lost his job is the worst person in the world.
36. Saturday Night Live does a skit on the issue of water being wet or dry. They have Sarah Palin’s look-alike, Tina Fey, say something abysmally stupid and by the end of the weekend millions of people are convinced Palin actually said it.
37. Janeane Garofalo says anybody who doesn’t immediately acknowledge the dryness of water is a racist who is just trying to get back at Barack Obama for being elected President.
38. The first Star Wars movie becomes a left-winger’s favorite, because Mark Hamill emerges from the fight with the garbage monster with his hair all puffy and blow-dried.
39. Because the issue has become so incendiary, all swimming events have been banned from the Olympics.
40. Berkeley becomes the nation’s capital of dead houseplants.

You know, there is a simple reason for why we are so damned contentious. We wish to be. We argue about stupid bullcrap that isn’t worth the arguing. Our liberals seize on purposefully ironic things that are antithetical to common sense and threaten us with social excoriation if we dare to call them out, and then we accommodate them.

It’s not going to get any better with time, you do realize. Not if we continue to tolerate it.

I have watched that movie about two dozen times over thirty years and have never, NEVER noticed that Luke’s hair is poofy and blow-dried after that fight. Never.

The “willful suspension of disbelief” is strong in this one.
- Jason | 03/07/2010 @ 13:31
To be fair about it, they did keep Luke’s hair properly messed up for the remainder of that scene. And if Farrah, The Bee Gees, Andy Gibb, Shaun Cassidy, et al were not so popular in that year, I’m sure in the next few scenes in the corridor Luke would not have looked like a freakin’ dandelion. Blame it on the style of the times.
- mkfreeberg | 03/07/2010 @ 15:00
This would be a lot funnier if it wasn’t so dead to rights true.

This is what David Horowitz says the New Left of the 60’s (the SDS/Cloward & Piven, Weather Underground, Saul Alinsky) called “The Hydra-Headed Monster”. We’ve got a zillion heads to cut off all asserting things that are anything from dubious assertions to flat out lies, over and over, ad nauseum until it “becomes” true.

I’m reading John Funds’ “Stealing Elections” right now. It’s all stuff I knew and/or suspected. But I’m still stunned, in a way, about the brazen use of inane, stupid arguments and the fact that they work.

Voter ID laws in every state for Federal Elections! I demand it. Now!

“Every Vote Counts” also means I have a right to not have mine watered down or cancelled out by somebody who shouldn’t be voting, or voted twice or more, or doesn’t even exist.

I’m a little steamed right now.
- philmon | 03/07/2010 @ 16:04
Look. You can get it used for two bucks plus $3.99 shipping from Amazon.

Recommended reading. By me 🙂
- philmon | 03/07/2010 @ 16:08
Number 16 – LOL…
- Daniel | 03/07/2010 @ 21:51
[…] The End of Reason? We’re Cut Off Memo For File CIX Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz “There’s a Communist Living in the White […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 03/08/2010 @ 07:50
[…] Rogers Figured it Out Largest Domesticated Rodent The End of Reason? We’re Cut Off Memo For File CIX Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz “There’s a Communist Living in the White […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 03/09/2010 @ 07:22
Timely reading from a year ago … still so fresh today that I thought you’d written it today… even though I apparently commented on it a year ago!
- philmon | 03/22/2011 @ 15:48

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Recent

Items of Interest

Monthly Archives

What They Say

Links

Memo For File CIXSunday, March 7th, 2010

Memo For File CIX
Sunday, March 7th, 2010