House of Eratosthenes

Former President Bill Clinton said Saturday that, if he returns to the White House in 2008 because his wife becomes president, his role would be to “do whatever she wants” because that’s what a good citizen would do.

Clinton said he didn’t know if U.S. Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, a Democrat from New York seeking re-election this year, would run for president in two years as some have speculated, but he predicted a woman could win the most powerful office in the world.

Asked at an Association of Alternative Newsweeklies convention what his role would be if his wife were elected, the former two-term president said, “I’ll do whatever she wants, and I have no idea what that is. I honestly don’t know whether she’s going to run.”

I find the Clintons to be incredibly disturbing, and not just because I disagree with them about political issues.

I don’t understand their marriage. That is none of my business, of course. But it’s not exactly off the table, is it? Here is our former President using his subservient role as one of the selling points, for her. It’s not a first. So the family life is, indeed, an important factor in the connection between the Clintons, and their constituents. There is a huge cadre within my nation of people who either understand the Clintons’ marriage better than I do, or think that they do, and are thus compelled to support the Clintons or else further galvanized in the support they would otherwise have. I don’t get it.

It’s got something to do, clearly, with Hillary ordering Bill around. People like that. She tells Bill to jump, he asks how high…

…and they pick up votes. Or “virtual” votes. People think, I can’t vote for Bill again, but if I could, I would.

Hillary is loud, too. Stories get spread around about her cussing Bill out, F-word this, C-word that, and the stories may be true or they may not. But always, Bill is standing there just absorbing it with a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face, a stream of hot urine running down his inseam. People hear about the unpleasant side of the Clintons’ marriage…

…and the Clintons pick up votes.

Hillary may or may not be smart, but Bill says that she is. On how smart Hillary thinks Bill is, I don’t hear very much. People hear about all the positive things Bill has to say about his wife, who has never actually achieved much of anything in public service…

…and the Clintons pick up votes.

The Clintons continue to live their lives apart, with Hillary establishing residence in one place and Bill setting up shop hundreds of mile away. Word gets out that the marriage will stumble onward, with man and wife not even seeing each other for months at a time, clearly living a marital life most of us wouldn’t want to live…

…and the Clintons pick up votes.

And of course true to his rep, Bill isn’t taking cold showers waiting for Hillary to let him back in the marital bed. He has affairs. He lies about the affairs. He sends his friends, associates and acquaintances, Hillary included, to make asses out of themselves stating for the record that Bill must have been telling the truth when he said “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” Bill’s friends, Hillary included, look like morons. And Hillary looks like a woman who won’t satisfy her husband, because she can’t. Bill humiliates Hillary.

…and for this, the Clintons still pick up votes!

I don’t understand all this because I see no common thread consistently running through all of it. Plainly, it has little to do with some fantasy about a powerful man adoring his wife and putting her on a pedestal, out of his personal respect for her. It isn’t about that. Because if that’s what it was about, Bill would lie to Hillary and the rest of us, get nailed on his lie, and the couple would lose points. Him at least, if not her as well. What has been taking place, is the exact opposite. Yay, that Bill Clinton is so awesome, he got away with it.

If it’s all about showing due respect for the Smartest Woman in the World, how come the popularity goes up when he lies to her and humiliates her? If it’s all about screwing around when she isn’t looking and getting away with it, how come the popularity goes up with this sick fantasy about Hillary yelling at Bill, making him pee his pants? In other words, since being a marital role model has something to do with it — and it seems this has been established beyond reasonable question, Clinton-haters didn’t decide that, Clinton-fans did — what is the example being set, exactly? Does anybody, anywhere, know? The qualities being promoted in this bellwether “marriage,” if you want to call it a marriage, don’t seem to be the kind of qualities that make a marriage a happy one.

The whole thing has a subtle tinge of chauvinism, the kind even the most knuckle-dragging slope-headed Republican would never nurture, let alone show. What if Hillary is the next President and First-Man Bill starts doing everything she tells him to do? What if those things include taking long trips out of town, so she can start having an affair with a male White House intern? What if she then says it never happened, sends First Man Bill out to convince everyone she’s telling the truth, and then gets nailed by DNA evidence?

Not too much of a leap of faith to suppose Democrats would be among the first to run her out of Washington on a rail. And yet a male President does exactly that, and wins points.

The PR folks who work for the Clintons are really earning their money. This is one job I would never be able to do. Good on Bill when he does what Hillary says; good on Bill when he cheats on her; Good on Bill when he lies about it; good on Hillary when she yells at Bill. Whoever is counseling them, it would appear, knows what they’re talking about. Whoever is counseling them, can predict with pinpoint accuracy what will make them popular, versus what is bound to make them less so. I’d be lost. This is just an unworkable maze, to me.

I got a gut feel the folks who are buying it up, aren’t too clear on it either.

Hey House!
The reason why people did them is simple and base: “they’re just as screwed up as us”. It is rare anymore that people are proud of their relationship or divorces. The Clintons make everyone feel better about themselves ‘cuz they’re worse. People love the Clintons for the same reason they love watching the weirdos on Jerry Springer–the lower the standards the better I look.
- Dr. Melissa | 09/10/2006 @ 15:39
Not “did”, dig. I meant dig. Oy.
- Dr. Melissa | 09/10/2006 @ 15:39
That may explain why they’re popular, but what rational person would extend that to wanting them running (and, by proxy, representing) our country?

Does it make them feel even better to be able to say “hey, even the PRESIDENT is more screwed up than I am”?

“Well? You’re the idiot who voted for him!” would seem to be an appropriate response.
- Phil | 09/12/2006 @ 07:23
Ah Phil, that’s an easy one to answer. The folks she’s talking about, figure you can’t hold the leadership to a higher standard, without asking more from everybody else as well.

So they figure they, and the leaders, can fulfill a more mediocre standard in their private lives as well as in their jobs. Or, they, and the leaders, can labor under higher expectations in both areas. And the simple fact of the matter is, they’re much more afraid of having to fulfill an expectation, even if the expectation is simply to keep their own covenants — stay faithful to their spouses — than to live in a republic with lackluster government leadership, even if it eventually gets people killed. Order is so terrifying to them, that they refuse to consider how their lives may depend on it. They’d much rather die in Gamorrah than live in Athens.
- mkfreeberg | 09/12/2006 @ 14:11

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I Don’t Get ItMonday, June 19th, 2006

I Don’t Get It
Monday, June 19th, 2006