House of Eratosthenes

Think of the Children There’s also a huge flock of oyster-gals reproducing asexually…I would guess…though I tend to think reality is something in the opposite direction from that. Just like the old bearded aliens speaking perfect English greeting Captain Kirk to their paper mache planets, always with the one nubile alien daughter who needs to be taught how to kiss. No momma worth mentioning, alive or dead. Except this is Earth, Hollywood exactly; and the shoe’s on the other foot now. Women give birth. Women have kids. What the guys are doing in there, well, nobody really knows…they’re just rattling around, dropping seed in random places that’s scooped up by someone else eventually.

It’s really sad how self-defeating this is. I understand the point — “real” women have kids and then worry about whether they’ll stay attractive. So this gives them hope. I get that. Hope for what? And, as ~~Edna Krabappel~~ Helen Lovejoy famously said, won’t someone think of the children? It doesn’t seem to be in their best interests for their small-em mom’s market value to be kept up, just in case she figures out she’s done a better job keeping up her “resale value” than that schlubby husband of hers called dad.

So it’s not about the kids, it’s about small-em mom’s self-esteem. Well — what about the moms who’ve already made up their minds that after five or six kids, their market value is spent, and they’re still so in love with the capital-D Dad that they don’t give a rat’s ass about it? What about them? I don’t think it does anything for them to be told how great Brooke Burke looks…after reproducing repeatedly, and apparently all by herself.

So when you start out trying to feel good about yourself, instead of trying to do right by people who are counting on you — you end up accomplishing neither one.

And…you can’t play “musical dads” without diminishing the role of dad. Hope that doesn’t cheese anyone off. I know a lot of folks out there were raised by perfectly decent stepdads and think the world of ’em. But now that you have sons and daughers of your own, you’d want the daughters to get hold of a decent guy and stick with him for life, wouldn’t you? And you’d want the sons to raise their own kids, rather than taking on someone else’s, or leaving their own kids to be raised by some other guy.

Maybe — just maybe — it all starts with thinking of the Dad as someone worthy of a Capital Dee. Someone worth mentioning.

Similar but different: In the pregnancy/birth classes that my wife and I went to (which were actually kind of helpful, not the ridiculous garbage they show in movies), there was one woman who was having a voluntary c-section because she was afraid of the pain of labor and what it would do to her body. That’s not exactly commonplace, but it’s far from unheard of, and it’s a big underline beneath the “So it’s not about the kids, it’s about small-em mom’s self-esteem” statement. Me, me, me.
- Andy | 11/26/2008 @ 12:28
I don’t think it was Edna Krabappel who talked about thinking of the children. That’s Bart’s teacher. I think you’re referring to one of the church ladies – “Won’t someone PLEASE think of the children?!”
- cylarz | 11/26/2008 @ 14:08
Ah, right you are. I’ve got a graphic floating around here somewhere, that I was tempted to try to locate, with her saying this…in my mind’s eye it is Edna Krabapple.

Those Simpson characters. They all look alike.
- mkfreeberg | 11/26/2008 @ 15:52
And…you can’t play “musical dads” without diminishing the role of dad. Hope that doesn’t cheese anyone off.

Perhaps my MAJOR hot-button in life, as I have a deeply personal connection in this space (nuff said, else I’d rant from now until Boxing Day). Your saying it doesn’t cheese me off in the least. I’m glad someone else sees it this way…even though we ARE in the minority.
- Buck | 11/26/2008 @ 16:37

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