House of Eratosthenes

Craig Daniel Craig, the sixth and latest actor to play James Bond on the big screen, on what exactly he’d like to see happen during the superspy’s next mission:

‘James Bond’ star Daniel Craig has put the superspy’s womanising image in doubt – after admitting he would love 007 to have a same-sex fling.
:
He says: “Why not? I think in this day and age, fans would have accepted it. No one would bat an eyelid.”

This ignited something of a debate on the innernets about whether Mr. Craig was joking or not. I was pretty emphatic about the idea that he was…until I came across this bit out of something called “Hollywood Snark” from a year and a half ago, when Casino Royale had just come out.

In the follow-up of Casino Royale, Daniel Craig is trying to convince producers to include a gay sex scene between Bond and another man. He has also confessed he is completely prepared to film a full-frontal nude scene to please both his male and female admirers.

“Why not? I think in this day and age, fans would have accepted it,” Craig told IOL. “I mean, look at Doctor Who – that has had gay scenes in it and no one blinks an eye.”

We’re not so sure the execs would dig the idea too much. Last time they tried to change the formula it ended with Bond getting married and the critically agreed worst entry in the series ever (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service – 1969). That said, HollywoodSnark is 100% behind the idea.

How very fashionable of Hollywood Snark. But while a glossy Internet-zine might be expected to champion the partial destruction of what might arguably be the last enduring icon of rugged male heterosexuality on the big screen, you should be forgiven for expecting something different from the guy who plays James Bond 007. What do we make of Mr. Craig here. He seems to have an obsession not only with double-oh-seven getting it on with guys, but also with eyelids batting.

Daniel, this may be too much for a blunt instrument to understand. But speaking as a straight dude who is decidedly not curious about the other side, and we’ll leave unexplored the question of whether you are my peer in that classification…there are reasons for my lack of curiosity. Like, fr’instance, I’m quite happy where I am.

There are all kinds of attributes that define the character of James Bond, and make him interesting to us. That, right there, might just be the most crucial one. He’s happy where he is. He’s conflicted about his job, and whichever woman happens to be sharing his bed at any given night. One even gets the impression when the latest Big Bad delivers the “you and I are not so much different, Mister Bond” that Bond finds this disturbingly plausible. And of course, the car he drives that is so flashy and new now, will be last year’s model and up for replacement shortly…assuming he hasn’t wrecked it somehow. There are very few constants in the man’s life.

But if he’s around in ten or twenty or thirty years, martinis will still be martinis and women will still be women. Those are the constants of the character you’re playing, and I think you had better get into it.

Do Not Want My goodness, I’d love to see a shrink write up a thorough report on this youngster’s head and what is floating around in it. What inspires such drivel? Let’s say it comes to pass — James Bond sleeps with a dude. Ian Fleming’s creation is transformed into a mockery of its former self…homosexuality, as a postmodern culture, looks pretty ridiculous as well. What’s the up-side? Who benefits? Why does he want this? Does it turn him on, or is he trying to send some kind of a message? If he’s trying to send a message, why doesn’t he just come out and say it?

What if a brand new character was cooked up, who was a gay spy? What if they spun him off the Classic Bond character, like they tried to do with that silly woman Jinx a few years ago, and Wai Lin before her? Without having the more orthodox spy sleep with him. Like…the straight spy and the gay spy could do the “hey, we’re working on the same case” thing in Act II…gay spy could proposition straight spy, and get turned down…they’d go on to save the world and then gay spy could have his own franchise. If he could keep it afloat. Would that appeal to Mr. Craig, or has my idea already lost his interest?

No, I have to entertain the idea that perhaps this won’t work for what he has in mind. I’m thinking the compromise and consequent partial abrogation of the timeless character, which is what I find so odious, is exactly what he desires. That’s why, presuming he’s serious, I’d like to see it psychologized. It strikes me as a primitive self-loathing impulse to have the last idol of heterosexuality torn down.

So far as I know, the audience isn’t asking for it. I’m sure as hell not. Hollywood isn’t…and that’s saying something. What up, Dan-o? We straight dudes have this one thing…this one bit of fiction that inspires us and our sons to feel good about being real men. Sure we got Die Hard and Indiana Jones; both those are on their fourth installments, which are obviously swan songs. So we’re kind of counting on you, here. Can’t we keep the one thing we have left? Huh? Pretty please? Huh?

Really, you need to go off somewhere and think about your future. Because these bastards want your head, and I’m seriously considering feeding you to them. And don’t ever break into my house again.

If he really wanted to be bold he’d suggest the other dude be an Islamist terrorist. Now that would be something.
- tim | 04/12/2008 @ 14:23
Message to the actor portraying James Bond: STFU and act like James Bond. Do not attempt to define the character. Do not attempt to steer the franchise. Play the character as he exists, and has existed, for over forty years. Do your job, and do not attempt to undertake tasks which are apparently well above your pay grade. Let the audience define the character, let the screenwriters and producers define the vehicle, and let the director sort it all out. You just recite the lines with the proper inflections, and move where you’re supposed to when you’re supposed to, and have the appropriate facial expressions to match the dialogue and action.
- chunt31854 | 04/13/2008 @ 19:31

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Et Tu, Daniel?Saturday, April 12th, 2008

Et Tu, Daniel?
Saturday, April 12th, 2008