House of Eratosthenes

For some reason, I was thinking about ghost movies. Ghost Story (1981), Stir of Echoes (1999) and The Ring (2002) are three of my favorites; they all have it in common that the ghost is the first & final step in a trail of clues to be followed, in something that is just as much a detective story as a tail of the supernatural.

The Ring, though — or, something else somewhere — seems to have started something. As a movie-watching culture, we seem to have formed a pinpoint-sized laser-focused idea of who is supposed to be following clues and figuring things out. We are no longer going to accept anybody who’s too remarkably different from Naomi Watts. Bruce Willis can’t do this anymore and neither can Kevin Bacon or Kevin Bacon’s family…the odd thing is, once The Sixth Sense (1999) successfully installed the “pre-teen creepy kid” thing it seemed like it would hang around forever.

But what’s really got some staying power is the “awesome looking gal who should be naked but has all her clothes on”…figuring out what’s going on, following the trail of clues. If there is anything to be learned she will be the one learning it.

This is not to say, however, she’ll be doing what Nicholas Cage did in National Treasure (2004). There, they had the star figuring everything out, while everyone else just stood around and watched. That got silly, and then they kept on doing it a few more times. When you’re inserting a parody of it into the movie itself, and into the very first installment of the franchise yet, it has been taken very, very far. It still ends up being an enjoyable flick, but it probably could have been something better.

Naomi Watts No, the chick-that-should-be-naked-but-is-wearing-all-her-clothes does not act this independently. She takes information in from others with this wide-eyed, naive, “what do you mean by that” look on her face. She needs the knowledge of the men, who are specialists, possessing knowledge that is narrow but deep. Or, they’re stupid ornery redneck sheriffs representing PATRIARCHY! But usually, they’re friendly handymen or morgue attendants or realty agents or whatever. They provide the pieces of the puzzle and she puts them together. While keeping all of her clothes on.

Once The Grudge (2004) came out, followed by Skeleton Key (2005), the die was cast: She has to be a blond. A doe-eyed blond who looks fantastic naked, or next-to-naked, but you’ll never be able to check that out here because she’s going to keep all her clothes on. While she asks the men how things work, and gathers the pieces to put the puzzle together to figure out where the ghost came from and what it wants.

Now, that I find interesting. We don’t want to watch raven-haired girls figure anything out and we don’t want to watch men figure things out. Unless it’s Nicholas Cage…and we don’t want to see Nicholas Cage figure anything out from asking anybody anything, we want to see him find clues and mutter to himself.

But really, the people we want to see asking questions, admitting they don’t know something so a wise man can fill them in on the one tiny piece he knows about, are gorgeous blond women with big blue eyes. With great looking bodies. But wearing bulky long-sleeved sweaters throughout the entire film.

What’s the take-away from all this?

I think it’s got something to do with the sex appeal of information. Already having the information is manly; think of all the old James Bond movies where M would say “Bond, what do you know about [fill in the blank]??” And Bond would show his manly side by turning all walking-encyclopedia for a minute or two, and M would congratulate him and maybe fill in one tiny but key missing piece of the body of knowledge. The pastiche of the manly-man-with-the-photographic-memory has been consigned to the scrap pile of…uh…memory. If you’re under thirty you probably don’t even remember what I’m talking about here, unless you own a complete James Bond collection like myself…

But even today, it is somewhat appealing to already have the information, so long as you don’t overdo it. Of course it’s difficult to discern these things, since nowadays masculinity itself is thought to lose its appeal if it’s overdone. And the cultural cut-off seems to be ratcheted downward, still, year by year. But still: We do not like seeing men asking questions. We like to think they already have all the information they need…and they don’t need much.

Women, on the other hand, seem to be more attractive to us when they’re asking questions. I’ve heard it said women and girls find it necessary to dumb themselves down and end up dateless if they’re perceived as too powerful, independent, capable. This is channeled into some kind of threat, in the eyes of those whom they would like to pursue. I still think this says more about who it is the ladies have decided they want to pursue, than it does about men in general. My own relationships have generally deteriorated when the woman acted too helpless. But…maybe there’s something to this. Certainly there is a perception out there that you can’t be too feminine, and therefore can’t be too attractive, if you don’t have some need for information and require someone better informed to fill in the gaps for you.

I wonder how we’d take it if it were up to a dark-haired girl to ask the smart man the questions, gather the pieces, put the puzzle together, find out where the ghost came from. Heather Langenkamp did okay, I thought. Of course, her eyes were blue. Saaaaaay…now there’s a thought. If it’s the inquisitive one asking all the questions, who has brown eyes, is the scene suddenly not quite as much fun to watch?

From what I can see, Hollywood is much more careful casting the “protagonist who needs to ask the questions and gather the clues together,” than they are about casting the guy-cracking-safes-and-karate-chopping-the-bad-guys. And they are probably right to do this. The rest of us seem to know exactly what it is we expect to see.

Still can’t quite figure out the “she should be naked but she’s wearing all her clothes” thing though. That, to me, seems like a question that was settled without enough thought, that would be best re-opened for further inspection.

I can’t recall the last time I saw a ghost-chasing protagonist woman displaying so much as her forearms. Or her ankles. Face…hands…that’s it. A great-looking flaxen-haired swimsuit model type with blue eyes as big as dinner plates, wearing a sweater so bulky you don’t even know what her cup size is. But she’s no shorter than 5’5″, and no taller than 5’7″.

Cross-posted at Washington Rebel.

Well, finding murderers instead of ghosts, but…Bones. That show’s interesting because the female lead, a brunette, plays well with the male lead, who is rarely the one to come up with the final answer, but he absolutely does find his own clues. (Bones does commit a common annoyance: the female lead is repeatedly shown as being able to defeat larger, more powerful, and better trained males in single combat. My guess is that if they ever have an in-show football game, she will be shown successfully defeating a top pro quarterback, because she’s just that clever.)

Castle is another male-female crime show with a brunette co-star. The male is the lead here, though, and his job, as the writer-dilettante attached to the female police detective, is to be more clever than the pros.

In both shows, the males actually are occasionally allowed to act like men to positive effect.

Interesting point about “she should be naked but she’s wearing all her clothes”. I don’t watch enough ghost stories to know how that compares with the current crop of female detectives, but they too are rarely undressed. Their men obviously love them for their brains and their fashion sense, though, and have no desire whatsoever to see them naked. Because the women are just that clever.
- djmoore | 01/22/2011 @ 12:03
Mmmmm…yeah…as a red-blooded meat eating male, I’m thinkin’…I have known and consorted with many strong, intelligent, capable women whom I’ve respected. But I wouldn’t pass up seeing ’em naked.

The Ring took place in a Seattle that I, as a Seattle transplant, found to be authentic. So her wardrobe did not look out of place. In Skeleton Key and Grudge, the costuming looked a little peculiar.

If she has to be keeping all her clothes on all the time, why not get a dowdy-looking chick? Do the casting people just like to use speed-dial all the time? This must be a really tough industry to get into for a young lady, be she hawt, frump-a-dump or anywhere in between.
- mkfreeberg | 01/22/2011 @ 12:12
(Bones does commit a common annoyance: the female lead is repeatedly shown as being able to defeat larger, more powerful, and better trained males in single combat. My guess is that if they ever have an in-show football game, she will be shown successfully defeating a top pro quarterback, because she’s just that clever.)

I’ve always been annoyed by this, and I’ve seen plenty of episodes of “Bones” because my co-workers like it so much. (As I may have mentioned, the TV is on ALL DAY at work, and that’s the show they like most. That, and their new favorite “How I Met Your Mother.”)

I hate how this skinny 5-10ish woman is always able to neatly throw huge men onto the ground without breaking a sweat. Just once I’d like to see the male co-star – the former Army Ranger she’s always running around with – actually have to intervene, instead of just standing there smirking, while his partner single-handedly dispatches men that would kick the crap out of her in real life.

The other two things I hate about the show – Morgan hit on #1: the actress obviously looks fantastic naked, and she’s always talking about how some male guest star wants to get it on with her, but it’s clear enough they’re going to put her and her partner in bed somewhere during the series finale. She never seems to remove any clothing. Too busy walking around acting Mr-Spock-ish, taking everything literally, not displaying social graces, and poking at absolutely stomach-churningly disgusting human remains.

She also has some extremely ugly prejudices toward religion and people of faith, despite that her partner apparently is an ardent Catholic.
- cylarz | 01/23/2011 @ 14:41
Try watching a semi-old movie on SciFi (sp) and notice the wardrobe – the guys dress warmly and the girl (always just one) wears a tank top or a t-shirt. Good example – Twister. (pause for lustful thoughts)

The movies you mention were (mostly) shot after the tank top became cliche – an unfortunate over-reaction.

btw – Samantha Carter on the Stargate series – cute cute cute blonde astrophysicist/martial arts expert. And she actually did a nude scene once.
- stevehorth | 01/24/2011 @ 06:08
[…] Nearly every character is an archetype; a walking, talking incarnation of a simple concept, that character’s job being to execute a certain function the right way or the wrong way. Nearly all are like this — save one: The good-looking blond chick with big blue eyes who would look awesome naked, running around fully c…. […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 02/12/2011 @ 05:07
[…] time, and had a problem with that. My problem was with Dagny wearing clothes. Looks like another “pretty blonde blue-eyed gal who would look completely awesome naked, solves a mystery while w… thing. But hey, that’s what the book’s about. Oh, and someone get Dagny a samrich. […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 04/16/2011 @ 10:07
[…] time, and had a problem with that. My problem was with Dagny wearing clothes. Looks like another “pretty blonde blue-eyed gal who would look completely awesome naked, solves a mystery while w… thing. But that’s quite alright, that’s what the book’s about. Oh, and someone […]
- On Atlas Shrugged, The Movie | Right Wing News | 04/16/2011 @ 18:13
[…] time, and had a problem with that. My problem was with Dagny wearing clothes. Looks like another “pretty blonde blue-eyed gal who would look completely awesome naked, solves a mystery while w… thing. But that’s quite alright, that’s what the book’s about. Oh, and someone […]
- On Atlas Shrugged, The Movie | News Patriot | 04/17/2011 @ 09:58

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Recent

Items of Interest

Monthly Archives

What They Say

Links

DJEver Notice? LXIIISaturday, January 22nd, 2011

DJEver Notice? LXIII
Saturday, January 22nd, 2011