House of Eratosthenes

There are certain words I can no longer stand to hear, because I’ve made the observation that when someone is using any one of these words, that person is engaged in an act of deceit.

All husbands who’ve been through “counseling” will understand why I’ve made the decision to add “dialogue” to this list. I’ve been hearing this word slip over the tongues of dishonest people in recent years. Proving some kind of deceptive intent on their part has become a formality and nothing more. The word itself is an intent to deceive; dialogue no longer means dialogue.

We as a society have slowly come around to the idea — without admitting it — that a dialogue is a cyclical process. That’s because, of the two sides of the dialogue, contrary to the intended implication, one side is to be a great deal more powerful than the other. And so the overall vessel embarks upon endless orbits, like a golf cart or a Segway with wheels of unequal size — going nowhere.

My objection is to the implication that two parties are to be placed on some level plane of equality. That’s the crock. “Dialogue” means the party calling the dialogue wants to engage in endless, counterproductive, circuitous bitching. A perimeter is to be thrown down upon the matters to be discussed; nobody can venture out of the perimeter, not for too long. The perimeter is about as big as the cross section of a rake handle.

A dialogue has key components:

1. A large group that is to be committed to the dialogue (n people, where n is at least 2);
2. A smaller group instigating the dialogue, whose interests are to be served by it (1 to n-1 people);
3. A hair-splitting statement of the form “Nobody is saying A, but…B”
4. “B” is something like “we need to talk this out” — to have the dialogue;
5. “A” is something that, although people disclaim it audibly, they do indeed believe in it damn good & well, or they wouldn’t want to have the dialogue;
6. A constrained and tightly controlled perimeter of issues to be discussed. Nobody is allowed to meander outside of this for any reason, lest they be accused of abandoning the dialogue.
7. An end. Oh no, scratch that…the dialogue goes on forever and ever and ever. It’s a bitch pitch. Who’d ever want to call an end to a bitch pitch, when they’re the ones who get to do the bitching?

There is an implication that the dialogue is mission-based, that it exists as a diligent, principled effort to unearth some particular datum, to extract from the shadows some long-hidden desire, thrust it into the limelight, and satisfy it. This is never actually done, of course. The dialogue can best be thought of as a moment in which all of the attention in a very large group, is fixated upon the desires, concerns and emotional state of a single person, or smaller group, within. Nothing is actually settled and very little is actually discussed. As the other parties eventually lose interest and/or move on to other things they need to be thinking about, there will be a call for “recharging” or “renewing the dialogue” or a complaint that “we’ve lost track of the dialogue.”

I’m all done dealing with this word. It has been abused to the point of complete uselessness.

Until there’s a fundamental change to the situations in which it is used, in my book it’s a sham. It has nothing to do with the spirit of a real exchange of thoughts & feelings among equals. If that ever changes, give me a call. Meanwhile, I’m done.

Been there, done that, don’t need the tee shirt.

Funny how I don’t think I’ve used the word for a long time. I think when I’m describing a conversation that doesn’t involve disagreement I either call it that or a discussion.

A lot of times I use the word argument, which doesn’t carry much of a negative connotation with me. I like to argue. Hey, I’m Jewish. I like to argue without getting nasty. Intellectual debate keeps my thinking honed.

Your graphic for dialogue is right on the money. I may use it in the future if applicable.

I think another descriptive phrase to use in place of “dialogue” would be “holding court.” That’s where one party is going to pretend that there is an actual dialogue, but instead proceeds to verbally browbeat the other party until they are sure that you’ve had enough, which is usually long past the point that you’ve actually had enough.

Otherwise, the only time I can be sure that “dialogue” is being used correctly, is when it is used to refer to a conversation in a movie or book. The key clue that “dialogue” is being used correctly is that it is used with the definite article. If you hear the word used with the indefinite article, little alarm bells should go off in your head. If the word is transformed into a verb in any form, a claxon should go off, followed by a loud announcement: “General Quarters!”
- Moshe Ben-David | 06/15/2011 @ 04:36
Debate is masculine, dialogue is feminine. Women do not want to confront, they want to have their way.
- jamzw | 06/15/2011 @ 10:20
[…] Well, you know what I think about the word “dialogue”. […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 08/24/2011 @ 19:29

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“Dialogue”Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

“Dialogue”
Tuesday, June 14th, 2011