House of Eratosthenes

Conscientious parenthood, I’ve noticed, is a never-ending series of just-because. That is, to those of us who care whether, and how, our children are maturing. Not all parents do. But for those who do, we have to understand, and all the time: Just because the child’s ready to do this, doesn’t mean he or she is ready to do that. And perhaps the biggest just-because of all comes right after the terrible-twos, when the kids learn to express a preference, and then get a bit testy about it: Just because your child can make a choice, doesn’t mean your child can make a decision.

I have often been distressed to see other parents place great weight…I mean, great weight, like, “I want my child to know how to swim before going to a canoe swamp”…on the making of choices. They don’t seem to remember that this is nothing more than merely expressing a preference. They think they’re doing the right thing. Figure out what you want, and then go after it sweetie! And in a way, it is the right thing. Figuring out what you want is the gateway. Can’t make a plan without a goal. Well…fine, but there are things to be factored into that. Before you can do that, what are the prerequisites? And after you get “what you want,” what are the consequences? This kind of stuff goes into decision-making, not choice-making. Here & there, now & then, such considerations might change the goal. That’s how you make a decision. Making a choice is not that. Making a choice is nothing more, really, than “I want.” It’s an impulse.

Mommy: Pumpkin, your father and I have decided you’re old enough, we’re going to include you in the vote on what color to paint the family car.

Tyke: I want it to be glow-in-the-dark purple and canary-yellow, like my favorite Pokemon character!!

That’s choice-making, not decision-making. A different level of maturity required for each.

The other thing that requires a certain level of maturity, is the processing of rejection…

Mommy: That’s wonderful, precious! Daddy and I have talked it over, and we’ve taken the vote…we’re going to order dark metallic gray.

Ah yes…when you try you have to expect to fail, when you gamble you must be prepared to lose, and when you participate in a vote you have to anticipate you’ll be outvoted. Some children who make choices but not decisions, might at least get this, that everything in life is not a win. The child might conclude the vote was conducted honestly, it wasn’t a set-up, it was a simple case of two against one. Or, she might understand, deep-down, that painting the family car the color of a cartoon character was never going to happen. Or, at the very least, choices are personal, what might be right for one may not be appealing to all.

Or.

Mommy and Daddy knew from the beginning what color they wanted to paint the car. It was a set-up!

My parents are evil!

And stupid! So, so very stupid!

They’re out to get me!

If she doesn’t have the maturity to accept that when you vote, sometimes you lose, she’ll skid along one or more stops in the Kübler-Ross Model, and then come to rest here. The game was rigged, the people who outvoted me are stupid, they’re evil, they’re out to get me. Also, their stuffy old minds are closed to my wonderful, bold new ideas because they are just too simple and set in their ways to understand.

This is exactly what liberals say about conservatives whenever they lose.

It’s going to be that way for awhile, because in liberal-land, lack of maturity is an actual weapon. The political class has learned to deploy, and use — successfully — Weaponized Arrested Development. This is good for them. It’s bad for the rest of the country, including their base which is displaying the lack of maturity they seek to exploit.

To be fair (sort of) to the kids, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen the following:

Mom and Tyke are at Starbucks. Mommy magnanimously tells Kid that she can have something from the pastry case. “What do you want, honey?” And the kid is paralyzed. There are too many choices. The kid dithers, and changes her mind, and gets upset, and the whole thing eventually ends in a huge freakout while the rest of us in line want to throttle them both for wasting 20 minutes with this nonsense. Just get the kid the sugar cookie already!

I’m in no position to give parenting advice, but I always thought this part was fairly self-explanatory: “Honey, you may have either the sugar cookie or the brownie. Which one would you like?” Give the kid TWO choices, and for God’s sake make sure you’re willing to accept either outcome. At some point our Dr. Spock-ified hippy dippy school administrators thought we needed to “empower” children, forgetting that “empowerment” simply IS making choices within boundaries… and living with the consequences. Instead, kids these days learn that it’s all arbitrary, and that if they freak out long and loud enough, an authority figure will give them BOTH the brownie and the sugar cookie, just so they’ll shut up.
- Severian | 11/13/2017 @ 09:15
Car Color?
Boaty McBoatface.
We’re polling you because we care what you think, and are staunch adherents to “democracy”.
Pets?
We NEED to get an iguana!!!!!
“How did it work out with your Tamagotchi sweetie?”
It’ll be DIFFERENT this time!
Politics? Economics?
“Now that you’ve been through “free” school, and can now vote, what’s it going to be?”
The PROMISE of more free stuff, and fairness equality!
“How has Communist propaganda actually worked out sweetie?”
It’ll be DIFFERENT this time!
- CaptDMO | 11/15/2017 @ 04:06
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- House of Eratosthenes | 12/02/2017 @ 19:48

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Car Color MetaphorMonday, November 13th, 2017

Car Color Metaphor
Monday, November 13th, 2017