House of Eratosthenes

Spooky. I loathe and distrust reality teevee shows in all forms, and I know people behave differently with a camera around…but it’s really something how these termagants act just like some of the “ladies” with whom I consorted in my unwise youth. I was a “computer guy,” running a little lean in the social connections and people-networking thing…looking back, it’s clear I had much more to offer in one place than in another. So, like a lot of young men finding their way in a post-feminist landscape littered with human wreckage, I spun through a certain sad story over and over again, while the more ditzy among my few acquaintances would coo meaningless platitudes at me like “all women aren’t like that.”

Well, no fucking shit all women aren’t like that. But what do we, as a society, do to make sure a lot fewer women are like that year by year? That’s the real question. And the answer is: Not a whole hell of a lot. Boys are taught to do things right, make things better when you leave them than when you found ’em — or else get the hell out of the way. You’re doing it wrong, here I’ll do it.

Girl's World I was shopping in Wal Mart one time, and — oh yes, so many fine stories begin this way. Anyway, I heard this “whump!” like someone whacked a cardboard box. And I realized what happened. Some white-trash small-m mom was out shopping with her whelps, and some desired piece of inventory was missing a price sticker on it…so she sent one of the whelps to scan it at one of those kiosks. It became necessary to whump the item from him — snatch it from him — when he didn’t get the designated task done on time. He was probably trying to figure out what she was talking about. Somehow, this aggravates small-m moms, the male whelp trying to figure things out. Once rhythm is disrupted, it’s like a music number at a really important festivity was botched or something…a note was a quarter-second late, and the world has ended. It just riles ’em up. Like waving red cloth in front of a bull. Forget the Momma Grizzly protecting her cubs; this is like the same adrenaline rush, but the rush has nothing to do with protection and everything to do with reprimand. It becomes deathly-urgent to relieve the whelp of his responsibility…and make it known to the whelp that he’s been relieved, and why. Make it crystal clear that his efforts were substandard.

Not quite so much give him some hints on how to improve next time ’round…that’s not quite so important in trashy, increasingly prevalent, Idiocracy, small-m mom land. Just let him know he fucked up. That’s the really important message to get across. “You’re doing it wrong, go sit down.”

That’s boys. With girls, somehow, and nobody’s ever been able to coherently explain this, the message is all about preferences…it’s very, very important she should learn to figure out exactly what she wants, and then stand up for it, refusing to take no for an answer.

As if any children anywhere ever had to learn that. Babies pop out of the womb instinctively knowing how to do this, and do it around the clock. I’m really not sure how anyone ever got it in their heads that anybody, male or female, ever needed to be taught this, that damage would somehow ensue if they were not. Where’d we get this? Seriously, I wanna know.

Boys are stupid I’ve asked that before, and one father-of-daughters did speak up about it. But there was no coherent thought involved, just the same ritual bumper-sticker-slogans…want my kids to grow up strong, so she should form an idea of exactly what she wants. I’d already made the point that kids don’t need to be taught this — nothing was ever said to challenge me on this, and if the desire existed to challenge me on it, I’m not sure what kind of honest challenge would materialize. It’s just true. If you could have some magical readable speaking bubbles pop out of a baby’s head, up to the end of Year One, be that baby a boy or a girl, most of these thought-bubble-captions would start with the word “want.” Want-milk, want-toy, want-Momma, with an occasional “what’s that?” thrown in. I’d say the “what’s that?” thought bubble would be, at best, ten percent…and babies still manage to ask “what’s that?” very, very often. All parents agree on this. Babies learn extremely quickly. If you learned as fast as a baby, within a year’s time you’d end up like…curing cancer on your coffee break or something.

Well, babies get that smart by asking “what’s that?” every single second that is available to them. But they, boy or girl, are “want”-ing something nine or ten times as often as that.

So I really don’t get where we settle on the idea that they need to be taught to be spunky or pushy or insistent, or how to “know what they want.” That doesn’t need to be taught to any carbon-based life form…period…what needs to be taught, is the stuff that used to be important back in those olden days. You know, the basics. Wait your turn. Please and thank you. Live within your means. Things from the “everything I needed to know I learned in Kindergarten” book.

You know what I’m talking about: Things that demand parents do things they don’t particularly feel like doing.

But Morgan, parenting is hard. After my divorce I had to be part-time mom, because the kids’ mother wasn’t around 24-7. I didn’t care for it, but it had to be done. Being mom is not the same as being dad. It required a different skill set, which I did got by on the job training.

I also told my teenage daughter in explicit terms that, just because her mother ran out and her life had entered a period of suckitude, there would be no pointless and narcissistic rebellion phase.
- chunt31854 | 06/08/2011 @ 05:08
Yup. And?

We’ve been teaching children of both sexes, for a very long time, to learn to make lemonade when life hands you lemons; this predates the feminist movement. Back when mothers taught their daughters about housework. Which is really all about that. And, from talking to parents & grandparents back when they were around, I know women had a lot of influence back in the day that feminists don’t want to acknowledge. Of course, they know way more than I do about it, since they found out how it all worked from their college professors.

One thing that has not changed through the years, even after the feminist movement: Men are still looked upon as sources of muscle and power. Like one of my wise and prolific commenters says (often enough that I should remember with better clarity who it is): I’ve yet to meet a feminist who complains because her husband makes too much money. So you want to grab the world by the balls, you do that literally — find a man who might one day have influence in the world, and grab his balls. That’s why the Bridezillas behave the way they do. Look at that first one, in the jewelry shop, lusting after the $30k ring. That’s why, among fellas, the “bad boys” are the ones who have the easiest time gettin’ some. The female fantasy is to capture a wild beast, and then tame it a little bit, so it is only out-of-control to everybody else…who will then fear it, and therefore you.

But boys are thick. We like to just keep doing our own thing. And so the carrots and sticks come out — but sticks are cheaper than carrots, and easier to use. What’s the hardest technique to master of all? Forming a real partnership with a man.
- mkfreeberg | 06/08/2011 @ 06:39

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BridezillasTuesday, June 7th, 2011

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Tuesday, June 7th, 2011