House of Eratosthenes

It’s been awhile since we’ve had a post about “propeller beanie eggheads discover the sexes are different” — so let’s get in some trouble again. Science Daily:

A study by the University of the Basque Country has carried out the first Spanish study into the emotional differences between the sexes and generations in terms of forgiveness. According to the study, parents forgive more than children, while women are better at forgiving than men.

“This study has great application for teaching values, because it shows us what reasons people have for forgiving men and women, and the popular conception of forgiveness,” says Maite Garaigordobil, co-author of the study and a senior professor at the Psychology Faculty of the UPV.

This study, which has been published in the Revista Latinoamericana de Psicología, is the first to have been carried out in Spain. It shows that parents find it easier to forgive than their children, and that women are better at forgiving than men.

“A decisive factor in the capacity to forgive is empathy, and women have a greater empathetic capacity than males,” says Carmen Maganto, co-author of the study and a tenured professor at the Psychology Faculty of the UPV.

And I’m sure any man who’s been with a woman for any length of time, is having the same thought about this that I’m having: Forgiving is not the same as forgetting.

I find in general, whenever someone is stymied by the way the two sexes behave differently or respond to shared experiences in different ways, it comes down to this: Men, over a prolonged period of time, become disenchanted and bored with a certain outcome whereas women do not. Think about the strange, inexplicable things a woman does, things she herself cannot explain, when she chooses one suitor over another. It’s all about the certain outcome. Even when she chooses the bad boy who bloodies her nose and blackens her eyes, over the nice nerd-boy who brings her flowers — what she is engaging in is a taming. She’s like the cowboy breaking the unbreakable mare. She doesn’t lust after her next bloody lip, she’s lusting after the ruffian’s power. She wants it harnessed, to be put under her control.

This creates an alluring potential that the nerd-boy cannot match. It’s really all about power. Things that have to do with sex, for the most part, have to do with power.

Forgiveness can be very powerful. Forgiveness, compared to the alternative, carries a great potential in the endeavor to arrive at a certain outcome.

Men are bored to tears with things on the teevee that women will watch and watch and watch, and then rewind, and watch some more. Part of the appeal — and this is where we men become profoundly confused — is in a ritual of pretending something is going to happen that we know darn good and well is not going to happen. Booth and Bones might sleep together, or Scully and Mulder might sleep together, or we’ll finally learn what the shadowy government agencies are up to, or we’ll snap up some meaningful clue as far as how the Heroes are going to save the world. Watching these shows means pretending these things might happen. And the chicks just love ’em even though it’s a certainty that these things will not be happening.

Remember when the Star Wars prequels came out? Massive disappointment…which was explained, easily, by the fact that Jar Jar Binks was ridiculous, the dialogue was bad and the storylines illogical and incomprehensible. But lost in all the other complaints was a subtle, masculine complaint against the very concept of the “prequel.” Obi-Wan fights Darth Maul, and we’re supposed to wonder who’s going to win…but when we look at the situation logically, we don’t really need to wonder and that sucks away a lot of the suspense. My point is, men experience an agitation here that is not experienced by the women. We feel like, on some level, we’re wasting our time.

There was a popular joke going around about Titanic, too — “didn’t see it, I already know how it ends.” Of course that’s silly, that movie was about so much more than the ship sinking…but that does sum it up. When the outcome is a certainty, women are capable of enjoying the journey to it. Men are too, but to a far, far lesser extent. And when the outcome is less certain, it is the women who start to feel things are out-of-kilter and out-of-sorts, in a way the men cannot fully appreciate. How does a man relax? Surf the Internet…watch a game…play poker with friends…things with uncertain outcomes. And the women? Converse among themselves — with expectations about the behavior of the other, where the conversation is going to go. Read things, and watch things, which have it in common that they progress toward a singularity. A man might see how such works of fiction conclude and mutter something like “I’m so shocked she went back to him!” with an earnest eyeball-roll. See, it carries an attraction for her, whereas for him it’s sheer boredom.

Women appreciate sweet, nice guys when they can drive a certain outcome. And they appreciate powerful, bad guys when they drive a certain outcome.

Demi Moore had a line in A Few Good Men that I think just cuts to the heart of all this: Asked “why do you like them [the U.S. Marines]” she replies, “Because they stand upon a wall and say, ‘Nothing’s going to hurt you tonight, not on my watch.'” There you have it. It isn’t quite so much weakness or a need to be protected all the time. It’s the attraction felt to the concept of a guarantee.

So yes. Women are more forgiving than men. They feel a different set of incentives during a conflict.

As is usually the case with these articles about white-coat-wearing clip-board-carrying propeller-beanie-eggheads with their phony studies, and it is with great fascination I note this…my summary and explanation of the findings, is values-neutral, whereas theirs is not. In what could only be reasonably regarded as something that is polar opposite from what science is supposed to be, the researchers once again seem to have figured out at Stage One which side is supposed to be “good” and which side is supposed to be “bad,” and every little nugget they have gleaned out of this exercise is carefully fit into that simple narrative.

See, that right there is why I finally became a conservative: I just got tired of running myself ragged denying the obvious.

For instance: “men and women are different.” That’s “sexist,” if you like, but it’s also true. And what’s more, the charge of “sexism” is false according to its own premises. If we accept the premise that sexism, misogyny, etc. are all about control of women by men — you know, “the patriarchy” — wouldn’t we awful, evil men want to know more about women? To ruthlessly exploit them better, if nothing else? (Men are coldly efficient and remorseless when it comes to that stuff, at least according to modern feminists. There’s also nothing “essentializing” or “stereotypical” in that belief, according to modern feminists. Yeah, you figure it out).

I once put it thusly to a feminist fellow lit major back in college: “Ok, as you say, 50% of the world’s literature is about guys trying to get laid.” (This was her verdict on Shakespeare’s sonnets). “But the other 50% is about how we don’t understand y’all at all. Wouldn’t we be getting laid a lot more if we took the time to figure you out, instead of just trying to bulldoze you into bed with this ‘patriarchy’ stuff?”

Yeah, sure, I could construct a counter-argument to all that. But it would require a bunch of words like “heteronormative” and “Foucauldian” and “hegemonic” and “false consciousness” and “paradigm.” Or I could just say that men and women are different and leave it at that. And isn’t that what we fat, slovenly, patriarchal men all about — taking the easy way out?
- Severian | 02/20/2011 @ 09:58
Yeah, I think the damage that has been absorbed by feminism since President Bubba’s shenanigans is that it has been split. Back in the olden days, if you were “for” feminism in the sense that you thought equal-pay-for-equal-worth was a good thing, there was this palpable sense that you were obliged to take the rest of it: We need more laws to require businesses to compensate & promote people thusly, we need affirmative action with quotas, we need sexual harassment “training,” all men are potential rapists because they have the equipment, we can end war if we put more women in positions of power, yadda yadda yadda…

Nowadays, I think it is much more broadly understood that there are radical elements in the feminist movement that are harmful. In fact, nowadays I think it is even broadly understood that feminism, carried to its ultimate conclusion, becomes undone by its unworkable self-contradictions. Women can do all kinds of things and men can’t do anything because they’re smart and we’re stupid…and at the same time…these stupid do-nothing know-nothing helpless men, for five thousand years give-or-take, have been unfairly dominating and oppressing these goddess-like women who are capable of anything that anyone can possibly imagine, and in fact, do it every single day before breakfast and still get the kids to the bus stop on time. Hunh? Come again?
- mkfreeberg | 02/20/2011 @ 10:08
See, that right there is why I finally became a conservative: I just got tired of running myself ragged denying the obvious.

I dunno, I wanna nominate that one for a BSIHORL.

“Paradigm” indeed. That and “dialectic” are the two words you should use in your argument to quickly shut down my receptiveness to your ideas 😉
- philmon | 02/21/2011 @ 10:42

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Women Are Better at ForgivingSunday, February 20th, 2011

Women Are Better at Forgiving
Sunday, February 20th, 2011