House of Eratosthenes

So I guess we get to vote on CalExit in 2019. I plan to vote “Not only Yes, but Hell Yes,” even though it would mean we have to move. Yes, I hope California secedes and furthermore I hope it builds its own wall.

We’ll just have to order up the U-Haul and beat feat to Texas, or South Carolina, or whoever will have us. And our guns. And has some coastline. Before that giant door slams shut.

I expect I’ll be able to take Mrs. Freeberg with me, so I’m going to miss this house most of all. I like the half-bath adjoined to the garage, what I’ve taken to calling the “gurgling intestines bathroom” or the “OMG OMG I don’t think I’m gonna make it” bathroom. Nice feature. And I really appreciate how I can peel the socks off my feet on the living room couch, wad them up in a ball, wind up like a pitcher and chuck them up to the 2nd-floor balcony. This is cool too, but I’m sure we can find houses with the same thing out in Texas.

CalExit This is the wall, greater & grander and maybe even more-badly-needed than President Trump’s wall at the Mexican border. This is the wall that divides conservatives from liberals. We just happen to be on the wrong physical side of it, for now. This is the wall that might very well prevent another civil war. Do I exaggerate? Then tell me, what is the alternative.

As someone else very astutely noted somewhere, liberals have no interest in elections in this day & age — just look at their reaction to the one we just had.

They have to run “everything”…but, they’re incurious dimbulbs, by & large, way too preoccupied with their virtue-signaling to take the time to define “everything.” You know anyone like this in your extended family? Every family seems to have one character like this. Sticking their nose into something that’s none of their concern, starting fights, but as long as they don’t find out about it it’s all good…so everyone else starts to keep secrets from them, because over time it’s been learned by all that that’s the solution. Just put Crazy Auntie Mabel in a snow-globe, of sorts, let her think the world is tinier than it really is. That, too, is an apt description of today’s liberals. If they find out little kids are being taken to church on Sunday mornings somewhere, they’ll start fights and they’ll get into that pit-bull mode of “This argument’s not over until it’s over the way I like it to be over.” But first, they have to find out about it. So we put them in little jars, shrink their little worlds, keep them from finding out about too much, and it’s all good.

They can have their smaller version of “everything.” With a big high wall built around it. I’ve been calling for this for years and years.

And the rest of the union can have presidential elections every four years after that…with 55 fewer electoral votes going to the “Fuck you I want my num nums” party.

If California is its own country, President Trump would be trespassing upon it with that particular section of the wall. California would be within its rights to tear down that part of it, to declare itself a sort of “sanctuary nation.” They can see how well that works out for them, and really show the rest of us how it’s done. With their vast abundance of cheap underclass “legal but illegal but not really” labor…square mile after square mile of fertile farmland…NO FUCKING WATER oh oops, did I type that out loud?

Update: So…if it’s true what I’m hearing, that our friends the granola-eating Moccasin-wearing CalExit-backing liberals have no interest in a good-sized chunk of the state, and just want their cherished parts that don’t interest us real Americans anyway…then maybe we can work it like this and not have to leave our home…

Clicky to embiggen.

I learned from dealing with one of my exes, that whoever takes the trouble to come up with definitions first can usually sway the deal, and without even starting an argument over it. Play your cards right, you can fool the other side into thinking it’s their idea. So — we should, no question, see to it Angel Island is on our side. Ditto for Hooters in Dublin, since I like the way the place is managed. The libs can have Berkeley, and Stockton too. For the rest of the line-drawing, up to the state of Nevada, we can just follow Highway 4.

We get the wine, they get the whine. Everybody’s happy. Except for the thing with San Diego. I noticed San Diego is loaded up with crazy-hot, but not-crazy, female persons…if you can believe that. They do exist. That’s just the thing, though, I’m married to one of the hot-but-not-crazy ones, so I’ve got no use for gorgeous San Diego girls.

And this way we get to keep the house. The Missus has a lot of time & trouble invested in our wind chimes.

Northern California is going to leave California,…. with LA and San Fran…. but with no water. Fair trade.
- vanderleun | 01/29/2017 @ 16:23
Mrs. Freeberg would like that idea. Best of both worlds.

The high fence between conservative & liberal America which so much has to happen…and, it’s drawn just South of us so we don’t have to move. Between Oakland and Stockton, maybe, along 580 so we can keep Hooters in Dublin on our side.
- mkfreeberg | 01/29/2017 @ 16:48
I have a different map. It runs north of SF out to I-5 and down to the Mexican border…the San Andreas divide. I posted it on FB and some of the Lefties said that would be fine with them…as they get the ports, military bases and the fish. I said, “Well, we get the water and the food.” They said that the fish would become expensive. I said that they should start building desal plants today or they’d die of thirst
- BillW. | 01/30/2017 @ 07:53
Wait, you’re in Cali and you have GUNS?! But that’s…that’s…EEE-LEE-GULL!
- P_Ang | 01/30/2017 @ 10:20
Not quite yet. This is California, not Canada.
- mkfreeberg | 01/30/2017 @ 12:56
I noticed San Diego is loaded up with crazy-hot, but not-crazy, female persons…if you can believe that. They do exist.

Impossible! Everyone knows the law of women: Hot, Smart, Sane – pick 2. (yes there’s a guy’s law too) So for that to be…

Oh I get it. Now we know why they’re in California.

That’s just the thing, though, I’m married to one of the hot-but-not-crazy ones, so I’ve got no use for gorgeous San Diego girls.

Well I do! What’s shipping and handling??
- Nate Winchester | 01/31/2017 @ 11:12
Mine. Get your own.
- mkfreeberg | 01/31/2017 @ 11:19
I want to keep my house.
- Morgs Wife | 01/31/2017 @ 18:59
Get your own.

Well that’s what I’m trying to do but you won’t support my “wife-welfare for losers” initiative and how am I supposed to get one without government assistance?

I want to keep my house.

No problem, surely the group of us engineers can get your house on a truck and ship it to where y’all are going.
- Nate Winchester | 02/01/2017 @ 09:10
Should not be too hard Nate, we recently found out that the whole thing is on a concrete slab.
- Morgs Wife | 02/04/2017 @ 14:03

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Really Going to Miss This Old HouseSunday, January 29th, 2017

Really Going to Miss This Old House
Sunday, January 29th, 2017