House of Eratosthenes

Physics Geek is an occasional commenter around these parts, always with something fresh and thought-provoking to say. Earlier this week Daphne clued us in on that cool joke of his.

I first saw this on rec.humor eons ago. Not exactly sure what made me think of it, but I couldn’t resist posting it.

By the way, don’t take too seriously the “it’s real” part.

Tandem Writing Assignment

The following is a true story received from an English professor.

You know that book “Men are from Mars, Women from Venus”? Well, here’s a prime example of that. This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted).

First, the Assignment:

English 44A
SMU
Creative Writing
Prof. Miller

In-Class Assignment for Wednesday:

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.

And now, the Assignment as submitted by Rebecca & Gary:

Rebecca starts:

At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

Gary:

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. “A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator. “Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…”. But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

Rebecca:

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel.” Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth — when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.

Gary:

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. “We can’t allow this! I’m going to veto that treaty! Let’s blow ’em out of the sky!”

Rebecca:

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Gary:

Yeah? Well, you’re a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

Rebecca:

Asshole.

Gary:

Bitch.

My guess is that they have 5 children now.

Priceless. Absolutely priceless.
Thats how I feel about my blog shared with Old Iron on most days!!!
Too funny.

Thanks for sharing this story!
- KC | 11/19/2009 @ 10:22
Crikey. Links from you AND Daphne today? I’ve obviously suffered through a Captain Kirk transporter type of accident and am now if the parallel, but nonsensical universe.

Thanks for the linky love and kind words. As much as I post purely for my enjoyment (and after 7+ years, a lot of it has been ONLY my enjoyment), I’m always pleased and grateful when people stop by, even more so when they appear to like my stuff enough to come back.
- Physics Geek | 11/19/2009 @ 12:57
I remember reading that on one of half-dozen or so the joke-a-day emails I got in my email box back during college. I will mention the thoughts I had on this piece at the time:

– Both of these students are excellent writers.
– I wish I’d had this assignment at some point while in school. It would have been kind of fun.
– It’s fascinating that despite these students’ widely differing preferences in subject material, writing style, and so on, they nonetheless manage to fill in a lot of details of each others’ writing. That is, they both grab something from the other and run with it.
– It’s funny how each seems to be trying to “steer” the story like two pilots fighting over the direction of the plan, each holding one of those steering wheels that are linked together. They both fail, but it’s fun to watch them try.
– “Gary” sounds just like how I was in my teen and 20-something years. Hell, maybe now too. He sounds like a hardcore sci-fi fan, probably has seen every possible film and every episode of every TV series in the genre.
– Having said that, I think I would have tried harder than he did, to play along. I would have made the Carl character dashing, adventuresome, handsome, and a hopeless romantic who thought of nothing more than winning back the heart of “Laurie.” In short, I’d make him like the male lead in some romance novel. After class, I’d approach my class partner and ask her to go out with me. She would have been putty in my hands.
- cylarz | 11/21/2009 @ 01:26

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Physics Geek’s Cool JokeThursday, November 19th, 2009

Physics Geek’s Cool Joke
Thursday, November 19th, 2009