House of Eratosthenes

These are movie scenes that promise something wonderful, and compel you to watch them. They assert themselves. They do not merely tempt you to put off a potty break. That would not work; that is what pause buttons are for. These are scenes that you can intuitively sense must be kept intact, no matter how long they are, and you have to consume them that way.

And if you have seen them before and you know what’s coming, still you refuse to chop it up. You look ahead, make sure the beer is already fetched from the fridge before it starts.

This takes something. The actors, the writers, the directors, all have to be at the top of their game for these to be rolled out right.

1. Carrie tears down the gymnasium
2. Luke blows up the Death Star
3. Battle at Falkirk
4. Kirk lowers Reliant’s shields
5. Eliott Ness saves the baby
6. Indy saves Marion in her bar
7. Shark attack in the estuary
8. Michael baptises the baby
9. Mitch sticks it to The Firm
10. Indy steals the idol
11. Yoda pulls Luke’s ship out of the swamp
12. Gabriel attacks Col. Tavington
13. Rocky trains
14. Qui-Gon’s demise (six scenes)
15. d’Artagnan takes care of Rochefort
16. Allied ambush on the bridge
17. “Commence firing; fire at will.”
18. Michael tries to buy out Moe
19. Rocky fights Apollo to a draw
20. Indy hijacks the truck
21. The T-Rex attacks the car
22. Ness dispatches Nitti
23. “I find your lack of faith disturbing.”
24. Capone’s “team” speech
25. “O-Ren Ishi, we have unfunished business.”
26. Showalter and Grimsrud encounter a trooper
27. Rob Roy takes down Archibald Cunningham
28. Papa chases Bernardo
29. “There never was a Raymond.”
30. Ethan steals the disc
31. Sol checks out
32. Michael hides Vito from Solozzo’s hit men
33. Thorwald sees his wife’s ring on Lisa’s finger
34. Clarice meets Hannibal
35. Final scene
36. Final scene
37. Sergeant Dohun saves his Captain
38. Fist fight
39. “You tell God, that was a kindness you done.”
40. “My straw reaches across the room…I drink your milkshake, Eli.”
41. Final scene of the first half
42. Final scene
43. Motorcycle chase
44. Ben stops Elaine’s wedding
45. The man in the black mask is confronted by Inigo Montoya
46. “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore.”
47. “You blew it up! God damn you! Damn you all to hell!”
48. Schmidt comes back home and opens his mail
49. Robin Hood duels Guy of Gisbourne on the winding stone staircase
50. Karate chop fight scene
51. Chariot scene
52. Ray buries Marty
53. Ferguson follows Madeleine to San Francisco Bay
54. Car chase
55. Motorcycle chase
56. “I coulda been a contender”
57. Fifty eggs
58. Dueling banjos
59. Walking-barefoot-on-glass
60. “Do ya feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?”
61. Pearl and Lewt go at it
62. Oliver and Barbara on the chandelier
63. Final negotiations between Showalter and Grimsrud
64. Bunny in the stewpot
65. Rooney breaks into Ferris’ house
66. “You can’t handle the truth!”
67. Tevya’s dream
68. Archibald steps off the field and can’t go back
69. Otto swallows Wanda
70. “I didn’t kill my wife!” “I don’t care!”
71. Coffee’s for closers
72. Vito Corleone takes care of Don Fanucci
73. Jason battles the skeleton army
74. Quint’s demise
75. “All five.”
76. Jack Crabb at Little Big Horn
77. “Is it safe?”
78. Jimmy bumps off Dave
79. That sad, sad ending
80. Skydiving
81. Vincent and Jules argue about rubbing a woman’s foot
82. Quantas!
83. Ed 209’s glitch
84. Miles retrieves Jack’s wallet
85. The little girl is poisoned by her stepmother on the videotape
86. Sophie makes her choice
87. “You’ll never be one of them”
88. Hermie beds Dorothy
89. “Can you read my mind?”
90. Moses parts the Red Sea
91. Atticus Finch stops the mob
92. Shoot-out in the O.K. Corral
93. Jets meet Sharks
94. Burning down the house
95. Sally proves a woman can fake an orgasm
96. The Nazis find Tom
97. Hitler’s autograph
98. Miles is refused another glass
99. Kay had an abortion because her marriage was an abortion
100. Butch goes back to pick up the watch

These scenes make their own rules. They work with music, or without it — usually without it. They can take as long as they want to tell you whatever story is being told. You’ll take it and you’ll learn to like it, because you know this is where you’re getting your money’s worth.

If the movie does end up being great, and you find yourself thinking about it the next day, your mind flashes back to These Scenes…or That One Scene.

Can you make me do a Homer-Simpson “D’Oh!” over and over again, to the point where I have to make a list of 200? Tell me what I forgot.

Update: Oh, you want to get into a scrap about Delaware? Head on over to Daphne’s place, she has a lively thread going.

We don’t have much of an opinion about Delaware because we don’t live there. All these years later, though, I do have to give a positive review to Holiday Inn Express in Dover. If you’re looking for a place in the area, head there.

Sicilians are part eggplant.

As for Indy and the Lost Ark: Just give it up. Get your soda, pee, whatever, before the movie starts. It’s all one continuous stream of non-stoppable scenes.
- djmoore | 09/14/2010 @ 23:17
Indeed the fur is flying at Daphne’s joint! At least, for the moment it is just a gentleman’s wager and there aren’t pistols involved to settle it….although I would put off going to the bathroom to see that outcome any day!
- jaujau | 09/15/2010 @ 00:17
I’m not up on this one, dj. Off to Netflix I go.
- mkfreeberg | 09/15/2010 @ 05:51
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- House of Eratosthenes | 09/15/2010 @ 20:33
Ahhh, dj, that is a pretty phenomenal scene.
- Andy | 09/16/2010 @ 06:19
Sticking with Walken:

It’s Just an action. It’s not a piece of work.
- Andy | 09/16/2010 @ 06:38
And you found a way to keep me on your page for a while.

4 movies I haven’t even heard of.
- Andy | 09/16/2010 @ 07:51
I scanned twice but maybe I still missed these…

Gladiator: the ‘historically revisionist’ “Barbarian Horde” battle scene in the Coliseum. Honorable Mention – the opening battle scene, which has the best cinematic score, IMHO, of just about any scene I’ve, er, seen (note: I’m referring to the uncut originals here, not the pasteurized versions commonly shown on TNT, etc.).

Aliens: Ripley rescues Newt. Both times.

The Professional: Finale – Leon saves Mathilda and takes out Stansfield with a bang.

Above all, if you’ve been there and taken the battlefield tour, this scene… well, it still takes my breath away: Gettysburg, where Chamberlain orders, “BAYONETS!!”

Related: slo-mo’ing through Fight Club to find the various flashes of Tyler Durden and, of course, the climactic scene.
- goy | 09/18/2010 @ 14:52
I love being proven wrong over and over again, guys. And you should see the writhing mass that is my Netflix queue. Keep ’em coming.

goy, I actually considered that scene from Gladiator. Glad someone else suggested it.
- mkfreeberg | 09/18/2010 @ 16:15

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One Hundred Movie Scenes That Assert ThemselvesTuesday, September 14th, 2010

One Hundred Movie Scenes That Assert Themselves
Tuesday, September 14th, 2010