Things People Say to Get Attention

It’s important to keep in mind anytime your gums are moving, whether you’re making an effort to say something that makes sense, or whether you’re making an effort to get attention. There are a lot of people walking around who seem to think because they’ve already got attention, they can’t possibly be saying anything to get more attention, therefore everything that comes out of their mouths has to make a lot of sense.

This is not how it works, though. Attention is an elixir that makes people drunk and stupid. That’s why we call ourselves The Blog That Nobody Reads. It’s a reminder. Even intelligent people end up saying stupid, nonsensical crap when they babble away under the delusion that people are paying attention to them — or might be enticed to start paying attention to them.

All who doubt that, are invited to review the following.

Michael Moore:

The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not “insurgents” or “terrorists” or “The Enemy.” They are the REVOLUTION, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow — and they will win. Get it, Mr. Bush?

Bismarck, ND resident and local ignorant tightass, writing a letter to the editor of her local paper on the new Hooters restaurant:

People should take the small step of not frequenting this establishment and tell their children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews why they are taking such action. It will be an incredible lesson on values that they can pass on to those impressionable youngsters. Quite possibly, those children might carry that lesson forward and teach it to their own children, thus creating a ripple of change.

James Brolin (on the radio, in New York City, where it happened):

Right! Oh yeah. Oh Happy 9/11!

His wife, Barbra Streisand, giving advice on fighting global warming:

Use warm or cold water to wash clothes and try to line dry as much as possible.

Rosie O’Donnell:

I do believe that it’s the first time in history that fire has ever melted steel. I do believe that it defies physics that World Trade Center tower 7—building 7, which collapsed in on itself—it is impossible for a building to fall the way it fell without explosives being involved.

Dan Quayle:

If we don’t succeed we run the risk of failure.

Ted Danson, quote paraphrased from clear back in 1988, on global warming:

We only have ten years to save the world’s oceans.

Ed Asner:

They [conservatives, the military and Haliburton] don’t have to have another attack, if they indeed launched the first one they have screwed up our country so badly they could just let us sink in upon ourselves.

Commenter “Jenn” (Google cached page):

If the gov were to legalize marijuana and tax it, this country could be out of debt in 5-10 years from money they’d make off of it.

A spokesman for the Eating Disorder Association, hoping for a court ruling to ban skinny department store mannequins across Spain:

We would welcome any ruling that puts less pressure on women to get thinner…They are already inundated with unrealistic images as it is.

Huffington Post blogger Philip Slater, commenting on how good we have it here in the states, how this makes us want to bomb people…forgetting one especially important historical event:

If we had ever been bombed and invaded ourselves, had our infrastructure demolished, been subject to foreign soldiers breaking into our homes at night, seen our children slaughtered and our houses destroyed, we would be, I suspect, less gung-ho about war and less cavalier about inflicting these horrors on other people.

Los Angeles City Controller Laura Chick, laying the smack down on the “Hooters for neuters” program which had partnered with the Hooters restaurant chain to promote spaying and neutering of pets:

Are we going backward here? …We are a city with all kinds of progressive programs that empower women and end discrimination in the workplace, and now we’re being connected with a Hooters bikini contest. It isn’t right.

Jessica Valenti, proprietor of legendary feminist website Feministing:

Is it just me, or is this commercial telling women that they might get raped if they don’t buy Goodyear tires?

Keith Olbermann, in another one of his rants:

The nation’s freedoms are under assault by an administration whose policies can do us as much damage as Al Qaeda; the nation’s marketplace of ideas is being poisoned by a propaganda company so blatant that Tokyo Rose would’ve quit.

Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders:

I think it was a wonderful thing that Eric Clapner the musician did…So I think that’s the wonderful part about it, but listen – I like Eric Clapner!

Brooke Shields:

If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.