Alarming News: I like Morgan Freeberg. A lot.
Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler: We were following a trackback and thinking "hmmm... this is a bloody excellent post!", and then we realized that it was just part III of, well, three...Damn. I wish I'd written those.
Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler: ...I just remembered that I found a new blog a short while ago, House of Eratosthenes, that I really like. I like his common sense approach and his curiosity when it comes to why people believe what they believe rather than just what they believe.
Brutally Honest: Morgan Freeberg is an intriguing guy...[he] asks great questions and answers others with style, flair, reason and wit. On the blogroll he goes. Make him a part of your regular blogospheric reading. I certainly will.
Brutally Honest: Morgan Freeberg is brilliant.
Common Sense Junction: Misha @ Anti-Idiotarian never ceases to amaze me. He keeps finding other good blogs. I went over to A.I. this morning for my daily Misha fix and he had found this guy named Morgan Freeberg in Fair Oaks, California, that has a blog, House of Eratosthenes. Freeberg says its "The Blog That Nobody Reads" but it may now become the blog that everybody reads.
Jaded Haven: Good God, Morgan, you cover a topic from front to back with a screwy thoroughness I find mind boggling. I'm in awe of your thought proccesses, my friend, you're an exceptional talent. You start by throwing in the kitchen sink, tie in someone's syphilitic uncle, bend around a rip tide of brilliance and bring it all home in a neat, diamond dripping package of an exceptionally readable moment of damn fine wordsmithing. I love reading you.
Mein Blogovault: Make "the Blog that No One Reads" one of your daily reads.
Philmon: When Morgan meanders, stick with him - he's got a point and it'll be worth it in the end. He's not a hit-and-run snarky quip kind of guy. The pieces all fall into place like tumblers in a lock and bang! He's opened a cognative door for you.
Rightlinx: Morgan at House of Eratosthenes is one of the best writers out there. I read him nearly every day because he manages to provide an interesting perspective, even though I don't always agree.
Poetic Justice: Cletus! Ah gots a laiv one fer yew...
My girlfriend broke up with me last Thursday. Essentially she got drunk, and some guy she admits to having a crush on kissed her.
I think the original breakup was an overreaction on her part. She struggles with some self-esteem issues even though she is an amazing person; she constantly tells me she doesn’t deserve to be with me, I treat her too well, etc. She is in therapy and addressing these issues and others.
We’ve been talking a lot the past week — some very painful, tearful conversations — and I think we’re getting back together.
I really, really want to make things work with her, but I’m concerned there are hazards ahead. Is there anything particular we need to watch for?
Hurting but hopeful
I realize this is ridiculously easy for me to say, from out in the ether with no feelings for either of you beyond a we-are-the-world love of humanity, but: It sounds as if she’d be better off navigating through her issues without the added complication of maintaining a relationship.
I agree with Carolyn about what the guy needs to do, and it isn’t necessary to discuss whether I agree on any other point.
“Ladies” like this are not going to get better, ever. That’s because, while they do have self esteem issues, said issues do not exist in the form in which we recognize them. Our mistaken notion is that the victim suffers from low self-esteem and doesn’t consider herself to be worth as much as other people. The truth is more like: She doesn’t know how to live a fulfilling life, only a comfortable one, and in order to reach a comfort zone she needs to diminish the people around her, because that’s their purpose in her eyes. So she’s seen, institutionally, as suffering from a deficit of self-esteem especially in relative terms when she compares herself to others. But it’s more accurate to say she is carrying around a debilitating overabundance of the stuff.
Think about it. Who, in this situation, does she see as more worthy than herself? The guy she kissed? He was just an implement she used in a scheme to get more attention from her real boyfriend; it worked like a charm. The real boyfriend? She manipulates him to get more attention. She cheated on him and she’ll do it again, because that’s the method she’s selected. Won’t use another method until it becomes necessary to do so, and it won’t. The therapist? He or she is there to make her feel good. People like this don’t get better because they fail to learn how to engage life in any setting in which it isn’t all about them, them, them.
They go to therapy, in which, for an hour or so, it’s still all about them-them-them. The bill is paid, somehow, and then they go back to their lives in which it’s still all about them-them-them. They don’t know any other way to do it, and although the therapy industry won’t permit anyone to talk about this openly, they aren’t learning.
I’ve noticed people like this tend to have multiple addictions, of sufficient number and intensity that it’s fair to conclude their personality — which is busted — makes them susceptible to forming addictions. What really defines our blind spot, is this: The addictive personality is not going to struggle with a problem it really wants solved, for years or decades at a time. It is not like the rat in the maze that needs to be led to the cheese. It is the Jurassic Park situation. The way will be found. It wants what it wants when it wants it, and it will get it. If it isn’t getting something, it isn’t getting it because it doesn’t want it.
Now if we’re talking about whether people like this have issues with envisioning themselves independently achieving something useful to others — then this is an entirely different conversation. Yes there is a vision problem there, and the vision problem is atrophy. They haven’t formed that vision because they’re not used to thinking that way. By the time a man is starving, if he uses his wits and other gifts to get himself a plate of food, he has no feeling of accomplishment as he devours the plate of food because the demand nature has placed on him to eat the food obscures that sense of accomplishment. The same is true of a baby who’s found a nipple. In this sense, the “low self esteem” thing is a true statement, because the addictive personality can’t engage this cycle. It simply isn’t constructed that way.
It can barter one good in exchange for another, but it can’t remain in a system that operates by such bartering for any length of time, because sooner or later it will engage this bartering by means of deceit and in so doing, destroy the trust that is the foundation of such a system.
It’s simply un-evolved. Like a beast living in the wild; the time comes to gorge, and it will do whatever it takes, like any properly developed lioness, shark, or other predator. To express a hope that it will learn a different way to interact with its environment, is to express a true ignorance of what’s being observed.
“Predator.” That is the key word. From Kindergarten onward, our society simply will not allow people to view anything feminine in this way, ever, no matter what. We talk about females like this missing their self-esteem, because we’re groping around looking for some alternative way to discuss it. But in truth, the capacity to develop into adulthood poorly, with predatory personality tendencies, is divided about evenly between males and females. We are culturally permitted to recognize it only in the males.
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