House of Eratosthenes

I have to admit, if you woke me up out of a sound sleep this morning — and although tortured and interrupted with sneezing fits, it was sound — and said “Hey Morgan they’ve found life on Mars…OR…President Obama has released His birth certificate,” I’d have snuffled, rolled over, sneezed yet again, reached for a hanky and murmured something like “Slithery-wriggly or creepy crawly? Animal or plant? Does it look like a Jim Henson muppet?”

So Birther Zero has ceased to be Birther Zero — about three years too late. Who’s nuttier, the guy who refuses to release it for no reason, or the guy who insists he should be able to see it?

Obviously Obama has been painted into a corner; wouldn’t have done this if it were not for The Trumpster. So He’s going to turn this to His advantage, try one last play at the roulette wheel of “make the birthers look nutty and therefore make Obama look un-nutty.” I predict He’s overplayed His hand on this one, and it won’t pan out. Obama looks strange; not just to me, but I think to “middle America.” There was no reason to sit on this thing — but He did.

What’s the most innocent explanation for this bizarre, strange behavior of Barack Obama?

Ever play Monopoly with a five-to-seven-year-old who you can already tell is going to grow up to be a lawyer? Four rolls of the dice out of every five, leads to someone reaching for the box lid for yet another reading of the rules — because the kid has picked up, from somewhere, that he can always win whenever there’s doubt. Just make a grab for the benefit-of-doubt and if it doesn’t work, hey, nothing lost. The game takes freakin’ all day. And always, always, always, you’re the nutty one…even on those rare occasions when the box lid declares future-lawyer to be so unquestionably in error, that even he accepts the result (with a big ol’ pout), even then you’re nuts for having made an issue out of it. Even when it turns out your understanding of the rules was the correct one, you’re still in error for having said so.

Just plain nuts! Imagine the tot growing up with that personality, and then learning how to manipulate people politically on top of it all. Refuse to release the long form birth certificate, unilaterally dictate “this is good enough” when the rules don’t actually say one way or another…a big fight erupts coast to coast and…the patient watches it all go down. With a sick kind of a smile on the inside. His one motivation is “how do I play this to my advantage.”

That’s a mental illness, I think. But that’s who’s in charge. Scared yet?

Back to my old stand-by question: Is this someone you’d want to have watch your house when you go on vacation for a week?

I’d rather the newspapers get collected and the plants get watered by…a birther. An average birther. Seriously — he’s got a “McCain/Palin” or “Ron Paul” bumper sticker and he insists on seeing documents? Stacked up against my watch-the-house test — that’d be a plus.

But Barack Obama II has a quirk. He thrives on conflict and He’s gifted at making it look like it’s the other guy who’s doing that. I don’t want Him watching my house, let alone my country…and I don’t think your typical die-hard democrat wants Him watching his house, either.

Update 4/29/11: Gold.

Obama’s greatest victory of the entire past year — his crowning achievement for the past twelve months in the most powerful office in all the world — is his celebrated triumph in successfully producing a common form of secondary identification.

As of right now, that’s what he’s running on: That he, like 88% of all non-incarcerated adults in America, has access to his own personal records.
:
And for the past two nights I’ve endured Chris Matthews telling me about Obama’s “brilliant” “Perry Mason moment,” how masterful he was in all of this.

This is what he’s doing victory laps on right now. That’s what Chris Matthews is praising him to the heavens for. He’s grinning like King Shit of Fuck Mountain, and bathing in rapturous applause, because he accomplished something considerably less difficult than opening a Netflix account.

Pardon the word — are we not treating the President of the United States like a retard?

Obama 2012: Because Yes, We Can. Two, three years…that’s our turn-around.

Obama 2012: He has access to His personal records.

Obama 2012: If by “awesome” you mean “can produce ID,” then He definitely is.

Obama 2012: Yeah, really, that’s who He is. Take our word for it, or else!

Brilliant.

That routine with the legalistic kid-monopoly-player is the best analogy for this situation (and “liberals” in general) I’ve encountered yet. Control freaks, one and all – and just like lawyers, 90% of ’em make the other 10% look bad.

Spot on, as they say.
- rob | 04/27/2011 @ 12:09
I have to admit, I’ve been guilty of giving His Husseinness the benefit of the doubt. I supposed I should be horsewhipped on the steps of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy.

See, my long-held but never-voiced theory was that the reason Obymandias didn’t release his birth certificate was because he feels the merest hint of doubt about His pedigree is lese majeste. How dare we proles even think to question his incandescent awesomeness? He’s never had to prove a damn thing to anybody in His entire life. He’s been affirmative-actioned every step of the way; He’s lived His entire life as the Great Brown(ish) Hope. How dare we ask Him to actually produce something?

But no, I thought. Not even Obama would be that petty and egotistical.

Guess I was wrong, eh? You’d think I’d be used to it by now, especially when it comes to predicting the level of childishness below which the left will not sink…..
- Severian | 04/27/2011 @ 14:50
[…] Best Sentence CXIII Your Obligatory “He Released It” Post Couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself… XXXIII Sticky Campaign The Royal Wedding “…But […]
- House of Eratosthenes | 04/27/2011 @ 19:47
I’ve been stewing on this for a day and the more I think about it, the more I want to cry. President “I Won” has won. Whatever it was that was released has been cooked. Some other sites have been tearing it apart and it’s fishy as hell. But it’s completely irrelevant.

Is it possible that anybody on the Obama staff is so out of touch that they would overlook that this document would be ripped to forensic shreds the second it was released? This is a joke. We’ve had two (three?) years of preemptive dismissal, “Oh, they wouldn’t believe it if we released it,” and then they release something that looks plausible but might as well have a transparent layer of Barry grabbing his crotch and extending his middle finger.

“See, we told you, they’re crazy. We released the long form and they still don’t believe it. Sure, the document is assembled and that’s part of the process that HAD to be done in order to overcome limitations in the original scan, water, coffee, and vomit stains on the original, and this is just standard procedure for blah blah blah privacy blah blah security blah blah blah.”

I’m conceding this one. Well played, Team Obama, well played. All I wanted was for this to be OVER!!! I would have been perfectly happy for the document to have said Hawaii and Christian and to contain an alibi for every Sunday that Jeremiah Wright said something repulsive so long as the document was solid!!! Instead we get this crap. Good enough on its surface to point to as “proof” but damaged enough to be inconclusive.

Thankfully, this issue is irrelevant. There is no want for reasons to fire this guy in 2012. I’ve actually had a moment when somebody asked me “what’s so bad about Obama?” and I was at a loss for words from having to decide exactly where to start.
- Jason | 04/28/2011 @ 11:02
And still the Birthers won’t quit.

I think it was our own fine host (though maybe it was Ace of Spades) who wrote a long post about how the unconvinced are, in fact, unconvinceable, because nothing Obama could release would ever satisfy them…. because they’re already dead-red, swear-on-their-momma’s-grave sure that Obama wasn’t born in America.

I hate to say it, bro, but I can produce “evidence” that anything you care to name — any historical document whatsoever, bar fucking none — has been “cooked” and is “fishy as hell.” The Gettysburg Address? There are mysterious stains on it that look like tobacco stains… but Lincoln was nonsmoker, man!!!! The Magna Carta? Stuffed to the gills with improperly declined nouns in the genitive case. The Salic Law? Obviously Henry IV had too many shadowy connections to “Big Feudalism” for this to work. And so on and so on and scooby dooby doo.

Look, there are a shit-ton of reasons to oust Obama in 2012. Instead of focusing on hair-and-fiber micro-evidence in a 40-year-old document, hows about we focus on things like, say, the trillions of dollars of new debt Teh Won has us on the hook for?

If it’s important to your own personal psychiatric wellbeing that Obama is a foreigner, ok. I get it. I attach disproportionate significance to the every offseason move of my favorite football team; it’s what gets me over the hump on a gray dreary Thursday. But please, please — let this one go. Let’s keep our eyes on the prize.
- Severian | 04/28/2011 @ 12:04
Sev (can I call you Sev? :)), I think you’ve got me wrong. One of the first things I did yesterday after seeing the release was to post on my FB page (on which I would love to be one of your friends, I’m easy enough to trace from Morgan’s profile) that I am convinced that he was born in Hawaii. My point above was that I sincerely believe that we are being cocked a snook.

Maybe you didn’t read my whole post so let me repeat myself–I just want this to be over and done. But there will be enough people willing to chase the red herring to stain the rest of us. Just wait until somebody grabs the dangling string that Barry’s papa wasn’t a citizen and then therefore Barry doesn’t fit the definition of “natural born citizen,” whatever that is.

The approximately 4 trillion in increased debt since January 20, 2009 is enough reason for me to vote for anybody else–and I do mean Donald Trump if that is my other option–in 2012.
- Jason | 04/28/2011 @ 12:50
Jason,

you’re correct – I was reading too quickly. I apologize.

Please call me whatever you want 🙂 (this is the internet after all). Unfortunately I don’t do Facebook — as a conservative in academia I have to live by the Moscow Rules; in my spare time I’m researching things like IP anonymizers, TOR, etc. in order to set up a blog without leaving too much of a trace on the interwebs (I would like to work in my field for a few years, anyway).
- Severian | 04/28/2011 @ 19:18
Obama 2012: Because it would be mean not to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrmtF1trv50
- Jason | 04/29/2011 @ 22:58

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Recent

Items of Interest

Monthly Archives

What They Say

Links

Your Obligatory “He Released It” PostWednesday, April 27th, 2011

Your Obligatory “He Released It” Post
Wednesday, April 27th, 2011